coming to terms with your abuse. educating yourself on how abuse has can dominate your life and the choices you make, then turning that around and making the positive changes to learn to cope with the struggles. stepping out of the familiar zone and learning there are others out there just like you who need support too.

For me i have not achieve the level of healing i hope i do one day.

The progress i have made towards where i want to be is having aquire enough self-awareness to understand that i am not my symptoms of PTSD or the beliefs that the aftermath of abuse left me with.

With that self-awerness the managing of my symptoms has become easier.I've leraned to recognize triggers before they over-take me and to stop them most of the time or to stop my reaction to them.

Abuse makes you feel like you were marked with an X...I am working on that.But now i am aware that that is another symptom of having been abused.And not the real me.

I had to dig in and reach a level of understanding that is taking years.

Understanding my history has been key to understanding myself...I am finding out who i really am and to my surprise is NOT the person who th abuse and neglect of my family taught me i was the "the bad child that deserved punishment".

This is taking time.I am heading towards a true belief that i deserve a good life.This too is taking time....but i'm also working on it...
I'm redefining my value in the world and coming to terms in accepting and truly believing i have the same value as any other person and the right to live however i want like anyone else.Sorry to say this too is taking time.

I have allowed myself to explore all my emotions and to accept my anger and now i know where that anger comes from and i NO longer direct it at myself most of the time i can direct it to the rightful owners.Those that would abuse and neglect one of their own.

I have come to accept my full range of emotions and own it.Knowing is perfectly ok to feel anything i feel.

I've learn to self-validate and i'm working on learning to self-sooth.

My kindness for others has increased, my values have changed.My anger is still there but well understood.

Sometimes i'm still overtaken by triggers.But i've learn to forgive myself for it.

I've learn to be an observer of my symptoms internally and mediate between my symptoms and my true self.

I try to listen to my inner voice.

I'm accepting tha although i was given a very hard hand to play in this life....I still have dreams i want to acomplish and very slowly i keep trying to figure out how.

I would not wish abuse on anyone but my life experience connects me to really amazing people and gives me a broader scope of seeing and understanding.

So far this is what my road to recovery means and i still feel i'm in the begining stages..

Some days everything seems very dark still and then is one step forward, two back...

With professional help i maybe going faster but its not been eay to find good one...and i can't afford it.

On good days i look forward to the future and i know i want to make my life count....A LOT was lost and time has passed....but i'm still figuring it out.
Its progress not perfection.

This is where i am at now.

Wow - two VERY powerful statements to "healing" - very well put guys!! Solitude - I like that yours is so self-empowering and comes from a true strength perspective! Very powerful!
unomas - how very detailed and specific your mind is!! You have SO many good views on what it means for you to heal - and where you are right now! So many others will be able to relate to so much you wrote - and knowing that someone else has similar effects and experiences makes it SO much easier to not feel like you are so alone in what can at times be such a struggle!
I am very impressed - a simple little question concerning something we kind of think is a universal understanding - yet such varied views!!!
Thanks for the responses - very nice!
Refuse2quit

The way I really feel the healing is when I feel that I stopped the abuse. "Abuse stops with me". I did not become abusive to anyone (though I do have a temper, I do a one-foot-in-front-on-the-other with it).

When I make mistakes, especially around being angry, I remind myself that I am no longer in the abusive environment I once was, and that now I have better choices. So even when, actually, especially when things are not going well in my life, I feel healing by not allowing hardship make me feel abused, helpless or victimized. I try to maintain a good perspective of life events and not see them all through the lens of surviving abuse. Sometimes life is just life.

I'm new to posting in this Support Group, but I've been a member for a while. I was more active in the Sexual Abuse forum, but it's been kind of slow lately, so I figured I'd head on over here. So, hi. ;)

Anyway, onto the topic. What does "healing from abuse" mean to me? Well, it's meant a lot of things.

The first thing was getting to a physical and mental place where I could acknowledge the horrible symptoms I have been experiencing for years and years are present for a reason: years of sexual abuse, the memories of which were all repressed. I knew something was wrong; in fact, I read enough to know that there was no way for me to be experiencing the PTSD symptoms I was exhibiting--which therapist after therapist refused to accept--unless I had been abused. Memories only emerged in story form, and I still never saw them as my own until I was able to leave the house of my youth and get away from my abuser; I did not know, really, until just this last summer that the cause of this misery was a person that lived with me, one that I probably trusted more than anyone.

Now I have begun to recover memories. Now I have begun to address the broken mechanisms in my head that insist "he did not do that to you; he loves you" and "it was your fault." I have begun to integrate my many parts of self and view my experiences from more solid ground.

Healing from abuse, really, means doing the best you can with what you have. I think this definition is better than "moving beyond the abuse" or "recovering from the effects," because sometimes these things may not be possible. "Doing the best you can with what you have" will obviously be different for everyone, allowing for differences in this process that really has no end. We speak of healing as though it is something that can be entirely completed and finished, and as we as human beings constantly grow and change, I think this is an unrealistic thing to expect of ourselves.

So long as we are perfectly honest with ourselves and doing the best we can with what we have, we are "healing from abuse." There are no specific restraints or conditions. It depends entirely on the person and his or her experiences, consequences, environment, chemistry, and so on and so forth. Healing will always be unique to the individual, and what precisely WE want will always shape it.

One final thing: It is important to know we are not our abuse and we are not our illnesses, but it is a fallacy to assume that our personalities are not inextricably wound with these things when we are in such sensitive stages of development. Everything shapes us. Hence the differing abilities to "move on" or "recover." And whether or not one can move on or recover is neither good nor bad. It is what it is. Life can still grow so long as it exists. Comparison is futile. We start where we are. We do what we can. And that is what counts.

Chris and aikitsune:
Wow - another couple of really good responses - I am glad I posted this. I think that what I keep hearing is that "healing' is different for everyone and I like what aikitsune said about no restraints or conditions. I agree. We tend to be very linear thinkers, talking about abuse and healing as if it were on a straight line continuum, when in reality there is no "straight lines" in human development; one incident can redirect your entire life completely and the options for growth, or even for stagnation or regression are infinite, limited only by our imaginations and personal abilities.
Thanks for adding more interesting content to a simple little question!!
Refuse2quit

I think that healing comes in many forms. I don't think that you can narrow it down to just one or even two things. Forgive me, but I am fairly decent with analogies, I think.

To me, it works to equate it to an actual physical open wound. The way I think of it: say I were to have an accident that was someone else's fault and I get a deep jagged open and gushing blood wound on my back.
Then after YEARS the wound finally stops bleeding and it scabs over. After a lot of time, the scab falls off and leaves a very ugly scar. A scar that I was just horrified by, ashamed of and don't want anyone to see. I hide that scar as much as humanly possible and pretend that it doesn't exist. We do NOT talk about that scar.

Many, many years pass and I realize- that scar has an infection in it and always has had but I didn't realize it because I ignored and hid it. A deep tissue, long lasting, horrible infection that the only way that I can get healed is if I acknowledge it, talk about it and work on really healing it.

Every sentence I write, every feeling I acknowledge is kind of like a shot of antibiotics without pain medicine right into that scar. Its a painful process, but it must be done. It is painful and horrible, but it has to be done.

If I keep on, the medicine that I am putting into my scars, will hopefully and eventually soften those scars and let out the bad stuff to where it can really heal for real and just be a regular scar and not one that I am ashamed of and try to hide from the whole world. The type of scar that I realize A LOT of people have and that does not make us any worse or beneath anyone else. Imagine if I am able to literally keep medicating it until it is nothing close to resembling the snarling mass of ugly that I found when I looked at it.

Healing means I am able to wear a backless shirt out of the house and feel ok with it. I am able to stand tall and feel just as important as the next person. I am able to look people in the eye and not feel uncomfortable and I am able to state my opinions openly and not want to shrink into the wall. To me, healing is about being the best person that I can be and not doubting my own value, my worth. healing means I will NOT feel inferior just because I have this terrible scar.

I truly hope that this makes sense. That is the best way that I think I can explain healing for me personally. Right now - I am in the stage where I just realized that my scars have an infection- and have had for a very long time. Apparently if you ignore and suppress - they do NOT go away.

Again- a very interesting and enlightening post!! And I understood the analogy very well - as you know Annie - I use analogies a lot myself.
And, along that same vein - some wounds have to be reopened to get to the infection - I think that sometimes this is the "pain" that so many feel as they reflect back on what occurred to them. And some wounds have to be reopened to allow the infection to drain and to be able to apply the medicine to the highly infected area. Then the healing can begin again, with care and medicine that aids it from becoming infected again.
Thanks for the additional view!
Refuse2quit

And thank you for adding to it. :) I use analogies to help me figure things out a lot. Ironically I am also the go to person when things need to be translated into laymen's terms....hmmmm

Healing for me means that the Memories of the abuse no longer have the Pain associated with them. In pain I mean; body pain, feelings of dirtiness, unworthy, and anger. I have and are overcoming the body pains, and the feelings of dirtiness is only coming in waves now. The unworthiness is still a big part of my way of thinking, and I am working on feeling worthy! The anger is something that is a constant but it is inward -- and I will maybe share on that later on. But that's my take on healing. I want to be able to feel worthy and no pain from the memories.
D

Daniwho -
I know this means less as it is coming from me and not from within yourself, but you are definitely NOT worthless. I have read several of your posts and they exhibit strength and a desire to be past the pain that you describe. I know that others respond very well to what you have to say and this is a gift that not everyone has. Please understand that the effects of abuse often leave many of us feeling unworthy and less than valued. The abuse often leaves just such scars -
I pray that the day will come when, no matter what your definition of healing is, we all achieve our goals. And thank you all for adding to MY definition of "healing" -
Love this place!!
Refuse2quit

Also, I read my original post and it may come across like I am saying I feel I have obtained all the goals of my "healing journey" - I definitely have not. I have made great leaps in progress, and I hope that I, in turn, can encourage others to keep progressing, as I believe that I will always have room for improvement and growth. I do feel that I am so much better than I was - and that is what I hope that I can offer others - the example that, after much work and depression and struggle, I can say that it was definitely worth it to keep reaching for more out of life.
And I hope that all of you can someday (if you don't already) feel that you can say it is all worth the effort.
All my best, to some of the best people that I have ever met -
Refuse2quit

For me, healing is self-love.

xx
SuzA

Healing to me is feeling whole-and having no self hate

Healing for me means = my life would be as if the abuse did not happen.

Given my expectation I will never heal.

I missed too much because of the way I acted/reacted through my whole life to everything.

Living in constant fear really limits one's ability to grow and create a great life.

I know I will never heal. At this point I just want to function.