Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
Jeeze I suck at titles.
I had a new memory pop up. I think it was jogged by the recent posting about the stages of grooming.
I remembered how my brothers would leave porn magazines in my bedroom. I was only 7 or 8. I would find them on my bed and I would take them back to my brother's room. He kept leaving them on my bed. He would try to talk to me about them and I got angry and told him to stop. He didn't stop.
My tdoc mentioned learned helplessness to me today. I was never listened to when I said no. Saying no meant nothing in my family. When I finally spoke about the abuse my father made me apologize for making up lies. I was never validated. I learned I had no power.
I should give this some thought. See if it fits. I think it might.
I feel so trapped all of the time. Things will never change. I will never change. Could that really just be all in my head??
I have needed a big cry for a couple of weeks. Stuff seems to be boiling just under the surface but when I try to let it out it gets caught in my throat. I'm tense and tired and achy all over.
I have been "focused inward" as t doc says. I struggle to focus on driving and feel a million miles away most of the time. I'm very easily startled lately. I want to curl up in a ball and cry. can't do it. I want to be held. No one to hold me. I feel like a whiney baby.
I'm not sure if there is a question in there or I am just babbling.
I had a new memory pop up. I think it was jogged by the recent posting about the stages of grooming.
I remembered how my brothers would leave porn magazines in my bedroom. I was only 7 or 8. I would find them on my bed and I would take them back to my brother's room. He kept leaving them on my bed. He would try to talk to me about them and I got angry and told him to stop. He didn't stop.
My tdoc mentioned learned helplessness to me today. I was never listened to when I said no. Saying no meant nothing in my family. When I finally spoke about the abuse my father made me apologize for making up lies. I was never validated. I learned I had no power.
I should give this some thought. See if it fits. I think it might.
I feel so trapped all of the time. Things will never change. I will never change. Could that really just be all in my head??
I have needed a big cry for a couple of weeks. Stuff seems to be boiling just under the surface but when I try to let it out it gets caught in my throat. I'm tense and tired and achy all over.
I have been "focused inward" as t doc says. I struggle to focus on driving and feel a million miles away most of the time. I'm very easily startled lately. I want to curl up in a ball and cry. can't do it. I want to be held. No one to hold me. I feel like a whiney baby.
I'm not sure if there is a question in there or I am just babbling.
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
I don't see going inward as a bad thing, we need too, we need to feel, we need to understand what's going on so we can finally grieve those losses and move on. Yet at times we need breaks. At time to reflect and rejuvenate.
I can't help with those tears, since I need a good 6-7 good cries also, that seems to be eluding me.
I'm so sorry you are having to live through it. I'm sending you god thoughts. And let's send out thoughts of these never having to happen to young girls and women again. Aho.
i hope you feel better and i can tell from your posts that you are a very strong person and it sounds like you are have a bad time of it now and struggling.
stay strong.
thank you
rich
justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com
from here too. I know of that silencing, it was the tool that made me disappear. There in front of them screaming but just invisible to their selectively deaf ears. That saying children should be seen and not heard...was used like a weapon. Speak and you shall be beat...call liar for the truth and painfully silenced.
Then they didn't even acknowledge I was there, just made sure I stayed quiet. Fear kept me from letting hugs, even safe ones from happening for a very long time, then the one I trusted doubled the pain in marriage.
I am grateful for my second chance given me with John, but not so much at first, until I gave it a chance. So things can change as long as the people are not the same.
But here, Cecil we care and know how hard it is for you right now. Just be here and be, what ever you need for right now.
I posted about the "inward focus" thing in another group. In the instances I am speaking of it really isn't a good thing. I get lost in a fantasy world or just somewhere else and don't remember where. happens while I am driving. makes for a scary ride into work and to appointments.
He mentioned DBT but I'm not sure. Still feeling overwhelmed easily.