Incest Survivors Support Group

Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...

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should I confront

manamoru
manamoru

I have been carrying this rage inside of me for almost 30 years at my father. He sexually abused me when I was 14. I confronted him when I 26, he abused me all over again verbally. He said he knows a lot of daughters who want to have sex with their fathers. I was still afraid and walked away. I want to get my anger out at him.  I feel like lashing out. Now I am in a better position to confront him. My question is should I confront him verbally? should I just write a letter? or should I just not do anything? i am confused. I don't expect anything from him but I need to let him know my anger. I need to get it out. I have tried writing in a journal, talking to a therapist, but I am still angry. I feel like I will find peace when I express my anger at him. I would really appreciate any advice.

donnawanda
donnawanda
Your father is quite a piece of work. He claimed to know lots of daughters who want to have sex with their fathers?! How amazing that people just come up and share that with him. Has anyone ever shared that feeling with you? Maybe on porn sites there are "daughters" who confide such wishes.

If your father could hold onto such a delusion, then there's every chance that nothing you say will get through to him. If you express your anger in person and once again he brushes it off, will you feel peace or will you feel more enraged and powerless? That's the worst worry - that your father will make you feel powerless all over again.

Therefore I feel you should write to him, not confront him in person. That way you get to have the last word, especially if you throw away any response you get without reading it.
nomoremonsters
nomoremonsters
You need to report him to the police and get into counseling. Confronting the monster does absolutely nothing. I’ve seen it before. They could care less about the victim — then an now. You need to put him behind bars because he is a molester and molesters have multiple victims. Think about others getting hurt and you could save them. Most importantly you are strong and brave, you have so much worth and you deserve to be heard and healed with the help of a counsellor.
Beatha
Beatha
The ways abusers find to twist and pervert the facts surprise me over and over again.
I hear you about wanting to express your anger, I struggle with the same question about my mother (in my case, she's the reason I'm on this board).
You write that you don't expect anything from him but you need him to know your anger. The danger that I see there is that he will see your anger but it won't make him feel guilty, ashamed or anything. A lot of things could happen: He could throw it right back at you the way he did before, he could even be pleased to know that he has hurt you. I'm really sorry to say this, but I know that some of my abusers liked the fact that they had the power to make me suffer. The choice is yours, but be aware of those dangers, think about how it would make you feel if that happened and be sure you protect yourself. If you want to confront him in person, the best would probably be to not do it alone. If you want to write him a letter I second donnawanda's suggestion to throw away any responses without reading them.
Whatever you decide to do, I hope it will help you. Thoughts of healing and support to you.