Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
I understand that Newbie02's post could be upsetting, but I believe DS made a mistake in taking that post off the boards.
I also believe the post was a legitimate request for information and not a troll looking for self-gratification--or whatever.
In response to Newbie02, who asked, in part, "Does anyone else view ANY PART of incest as positive," (the caps are mine) I said that I believed "...there is nothing positive about incest itself because we were victims."
"The FALLOUT from incest can be turned into something positive--because now we have the choice to do that."
"...the suffering and pain of incest, rape, and sexual abuse forced me to find the Self of me that knew it was greater than all the abuse and who refused to be defined by it."
I had also read a few other uplifting posts, before it was taken off the boards that, to me, offered encouragement and hope that all was not lost.
I know that in spite of the pain and suffering of incest we can move through that suffering and pain by facing it, processing it and letting it go and with that work become stronger, sensitive, more compassionate people.
Not all of life's experiences are positive, certainly the Holocaust was not a positive experience but what came out of it was: Simon Wiesenthal, Viktor Frankl, Elie Wiesel, the Holocaust Museum that serves as reminder, and many other things.
I hope Newbie02 read enough posts, before it was removed, to understand that although incest in and of itself is not positive, that experience can be used for self-discovery and deep growth--if we choose--and that that is positive.
xx
SuzA
P.S. The "ignore" button can be helpful.
I also believe the post was a legitimate request for information and not a troll looking for self-gratification--or whatever.
In response to Newbie02, who asked, in part, "Does anyone else view ANY PART of incest as positive," (the caps are mine) I said that I believed "...there is nothing positive about incest itself because we were victims."
"The FALLOUT from incest can be turned into something positive--because now we have the choice to do that."
"...the suffering and pain of incest, rape, and sexual abuse forced me to find the Self of me that knew it was greater than all the abuse and who refused to be defined by it."
I had also read a few other uplifting posts, before it was taken off the boards that, to me, offered encouragement and hope that all was not lost.
I know that in spite of the pain and suffering of incest we can move through that suffering and pain by facing it, processing it and letting it go and with that work become stronger, sensitive, more compassionate people.
Not all of life's experiences are positive, certainly the Holocaust was not a positive experience but what came out of it was: Simon Wiesenthal, Viktor Frankl, Elie Wiesel, the Holocaust Museum that serves as reminder, and many other things.
I hope Newbie02 read enough posts, before it was removed, to understand that although incest in and of itself is not positive, that experience can be used for self-discovery and deep growth--if we choose--and that that is positive.
xx
SuzA
P.S. The "ignore" button can be helpful.
There is no need to apologize.
Honor your own beliefs, listen to your gut, and keep an open mind. And if these move you into healing spaces I'm glad.
Warm hugs to you both,
SuzA
I've done so much progress on my own with no help or support is not even funny.
I STILL do not find anything positive about incest...That i'm recovering on my own slowly is not as a result of incest its by default and with my own unltra efforts like syndrome said.
I still agree with Nellie who has also achieve LOTS and TONS of recovery.
My view point and experience is mine and and is not a reflection on the amount of healing you've done. As I've said, I'm glad for you and repeat, "Honor your beliefs, trust your gut and keep an open mind."
xx
SuzA
I am so happy for those who have a good attitude and have felt some great healing take place.
For some, even tho' healing has occurred, the wounds were so deep and devastating to the psyche and soul, now there is scar tissue.
Thank you to everyone who contributed to the post.
As far as scars, I kind of likin' it to the automobile accident I had a few months back...it left me with some pretty nasty scars. When I look at these scars, they remind me of how blessed I am to be here. The same with my scars from incest, rape, child abuse, etc. The scars are definitely there, but after 33yrs of working on myself, I see them a Victorious mark; one of Overcoming! What all of us have gone thru on this site is beyond comprehension...I now use my past to let others know there is a rainbow at the end of the storm. Some are accepting and some are not.
There are many things I could share about my parents and my abusers; but one thing as I researched, they had horrific lives. This is not condoning their behaviors, this is just a fact. Hopefully my growth, my forgiveness, my awareness that healing is possible, is changing the generational pattern for my children and their children; my grandchildren. For me, and only for me, the inner peace I have found brings me much more joy than the hatred and self-hatred my heart once held. Do I think incest is right...NO. But for me, if I was not willing to find forgiveness for myself and those who hurt me, it would just continue. This is not about me being right or wrong, it's just where I am. Hugszzzz to all!
Vicki
However, for many the pain caused by the incest "may" or would "appear" to be the impetus that sets the survivors on a path of self discovery that leads to greater self awareness, emotional growth including greater empathy and compassion than may not have occurred without having suffered and healing (healing can mean different things and falls along a broad spectrum) often the healing and self growth expands out and touches and inspires many others just beginning to embark upon their own journey..these indirect affects are incalculable
...for example, just a post on this forum to any thread may be having a life altering positive effect or some suffering reader...as the subject being discussed, the way the writer put their words together, the emotional space the reader is in where the timing is just right so the words get through the persons normal defenses mechanisms that protect but also hold back the person ability to cope and grow...but everything lines up perfectly the moment they read what's written and it sparks a process ....the individual breaks through some barrier that's been holding them back from growing and healing...and they begin to move forward....I don't think it can be over stated the potential positive impact forums such as this can have because "most" people just read and don't post. It's impossible to know how much positive impact and good and lives being touched are being put into motion by one survivor sharing on forum such as this ...something they've learned, believe, steps they've taken or even just sharing of feelings, pain and hurt...but things shared based on their quest to heal. An evil act, a persons attempting to heal gets involved in process of healing, sharing their thoughts can lead to untold good for countless others.
Yet for others due to a multitude of reasons, ie- opportunity, lack of motivation, lack of resources -cognitively or emotionally or economically etc, but the person never gets on tract of healing. Here the evil act results in a life of misery that often in turn gets passed on to their children through unhappiness, anger, confusion, or even overt abuse as well as the lives of others who come in contact with them.
Countless possible outcomes stemming from incest and sexual abuse...making no definitive statement possible except that Incest itself can never be viewed as positive even though many individuals affected by it go on to do good even great things that touch and help many besides themselves.... but the positive things are a result of the individuals choices...which "may or may not" be tied to the evil act. Determining causation... cause and affect is very tricky business and often a fools errand as countless factors are always in play.