Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
I would never have thought this could happen.
20 years ago, my husband came back from abroad with the book "Homecoming" from John Bradshow.I vaguely remember some illustrations with a magician and an inner child portrayed.I hated the drawings and terminology which I found kind of "New Age".
Then again, I came across that "inner child" in recovery books.Could not relate.tried all the exercises, writing with the other hand etc...
-------------------trigger---------------------------
And boum, it all surfaced just before this birthday in April.Me, lying on the kitchen table.I symbolically wear the school blouse we used to in those days, long beige overalls..I am 12 years old.There is a strong smell of chloroform that put me to sleep;But I have woken up.My mother is pushing on my tommy;my father is holding my legs;I see very vividly the details of the formica table corner.i hear their voices.No emotion.I blank out;
___________end_______________________
When I was a child until Igot married to my husband, I would systematically wake up in the middle of the night, stand up in bed with my arms in the air and scream.Sometimes, I would be sleep walking and my mother would throw a glass of water in my face and say I had had a nightmare.Very recently after this flash back, I met an old school friend, Gisle whom I had not seen since I was 18.She told me she had always thought there was something wrong because I used to sit in the back of the classroom, alone and I had confided in her some shocking details, like my mother doing the dustbins to see if I had have my period.Gisle had been in school with me since I was 14 years old so it means my mother kept checking on me after what happenedabove;
Two nights ago, I could not sleep and suddenly,I"saw" myself, 12 years old, wearing that school blouse, standing in the corridor leading to the bedroom, flat against the wall in utter terror, a terror distorting her face;She was trying to get to me who was in bed, but she was terrified, more than trrified, i can't find the right word.
This accounter has haunted me since.I am only realising now how in severe dissociation I have been with the trauma.
It all seems like a bad Hollywood film.Fortunately I have a good sense of humour;it helps keep centered but it all looks freaky at the moment.
I guess my Tibetan friend would smile at me in compassion;When I started meditation, Iused to tell him:"Rinpoche,I have a problem with the visualisation practice because I do not have any enemy to meditate upon";he laughed and answered:"it will come!"
Thanks for reading this;.I guess I now have to study books on Dissociative disorders.
lots of love to evrybody.
20 years ago, my husband came back from abroad with the book "Homecoming" from John Bradshow.I vaguely remember some illustrations with a magician and an inner child portrayed.I hated the drawings and terminology which I found kind of "New Age".
Then again, I came across that "inner child" in recovery books.Could not relate.tried all the exercises, writing with the other hand etc...
-------------------trigger---------------------------
And boum, it all surfaced just before this birthday in April.Me, lying on the kitchen table.I symbolically wear the school blouse we used to in those days, long beige overalls..I am 12 years old.There is a strong smell of chloroform that put me to sleep;But I have woken up.My mother is pushing on my tommy;my father is holding my legs;I see very vividly the details of the formica table corner.i hear their voices.No emotion.I blank out;
___________end_______________________
When I was a child until Igot married to my husband, I would systematically wake up in the middle of the night, stand up in bed with my arms in the air and scream.Sometimes, I would be sleep walking and my mother would throw a glass of water in my face and say I had had a nightmare.Very recently after this flash back, I met an old school friend, Gisle whom I had not seen since I was 18.She told me she had always thought there was something wrong because I used to sit in the back of the classroom, alone and I had confided in her some shocking details, like my mother doing the dustbins to see if I had have my period.Gisle had been in school with me since I was 14 years old so it means my mother kept checking on me after what happenedabove;
Two nights ago, I could not sleep and suddenly,I"saw" myself, 12 years old, wearing that school blouse, standing in the corridor leading to the bedroom, flat against the wall in utter terror, a terror distorting her face;She was trying to get to me who was in bed, but she was terrified, more than trrified, i can't find the right word.
This accounter has haunted me since.I am only realising now how in severe dissociation I have been with the trauma.
It all seems like a bad Hollywood film.Fortunately I have a good sense of humour;it helps keep centered but it all looks freaky at the moment.
I guess my Tibetan friend would smile at me in compassion;When I started meditation, Iused to tell him:"Rinpoche,I have a problem with the visualisation practice because I do not have any enemy to meditate upon";he laughed and answered:"it will come!"
Thanks for reading this;.I guess I now have to study books on Dissociative disorders.
lots of love to evrybody.
My closest family member is my brother who is a devout Buddhist. He taught me meditation practice back in my twenties and I have now practiced a long time. It helps tremendously. My brother is a Tibetan Buddhist and he's given me a small library over the years. Buddhism can be a very helpful path to healing from trauma. I personally believe embracing some spirituality is necessary to heal. Good luck. It sounds like you are finding the truth and you will heal.
At that time my left hand told me that my father had abused me more times than I could count...and I really didn't believe it.
I'm about to be 39, and those memories are trickling back in. Ironically enough, I have discovered...others within me...through inner child work.
I do a sadly casual Buddhist practice; I really ought to be more rigorous.
I had flash backs before and I must be really healing as I am now able to reconnect with my dissociated selves who were too afraid to come forward before.
One is 16 months, one is 3, one is 12.
Yes, my training that all outside phenomena are a projection of the mind and must be leld in equanimity help me a lot with holding all my damaged parts with love and compassion, knowing that, ultimately everything dwells in the vast expense of wisdom;
This is the second time I've heard mention "The Internal Family System Model," (IFS)...thank you to the first person and to GeorgeSand.
I Googled it and found the information extremely helpful. IFS founder, Richard Schwartz, agrees with trauma theorists Watkins and Watkins (1998) who say that,
"People are naturally multiple and that trauma does not create what they call ego states, but instead creates powerful separations and conflicts among the pre-existing multiplicity."
Schwartz found that clients of all kinds can identify and begin to work with their sub-personalities, or what he calls their "parts."
This resonated with me because that's what I've been calling the different sides of me before learning of IFS...my parts.
He also observed that "Just beneath the surface of complex trauma clients' parts lay an unharmed Self /with/ the necessary resources for clients to transform their own inner systems /which he found/ astounding because it ran so counter to much of Western developmental psychology and psychotherapy."
I am going to quote the entire conclusion section of the paper because I think it brings hope and self-empowerment to survivors.
"In conclusion, the IFS model brings a number of innovations to trauma-based psychotherapies. The most major is that clients experience "Self-healing" facilitated by the therapist. Clients' parts achieve a secure relationship with Self ending internal civil wars and self-hatred and they find they can work on their own, outside the session."
"In addition, the client's Self does the witnessing and can tell the injured parts exactly what they need to hear in the past (in contrast to the therapist who can only guess what the client needed to hear), thus correcting primary process cognitions."
"Along these lines, clients come to trust themselves, a process that is much more empowering than externalizing primary trust to the therapist. This process significantly reduces resistance and transference reactions."
"Addictive clients begin to experience healthy guilt about re-victimizing injured parts. Also, injured parts typically carry enormous wisdom, so listening to them provides great intuition and further prevents repeating dangerous re-enactments."
"Finally, as mentioned, unburdening creates a completion of the trauma and reintegration of split-off parts, which clients experience as the relief they need to more fully participate in life experiences."
"When clients are triggered, instead of relapsing, they learn to go to the part that is upset and help it. "
"Experiences such as marriage or sex, which in the past could reliably cause some symptom remission, becomes less overwhelming. In general, clients become more Self-led and Self-secure as opposed to parts-dominated and symptomatic."
I did not write down the source of the article I quoted--sorry, but Schwartz wrote the article and says much of the same thing and more on his website, if you are interested. It's:
www.SelfLeadership.org
Dearest moonface, I believe you are healing for that's what flashbacks and memories ask of us....
xx
SuzA