" I give them everything and yet I get nothing in return :-( "

You can't keep giving under those circumstances, hun. Nor should you. You're not their parent.

But I am my familys' keeper

Did you choose that role? Ever?
Or was it one they shoved you into?

It was out upon me for as long as I can remember

Does your family know about what your cousin did to you?? If they do and still act like this, i think you need to stop going out of ur way to 'give' them everything. The role of being the keeper of ur family was i guess, assigned to you by ur family which is highly inappropriate as u are doing the job of ur parents. They should be the 'keepers' and take care of you instead of the other way around. You need to take care of yourself first and stop playing the role that ur family assigned to you. I was my family's scapegoat or punching bag for years ever since i was a little child but i have finally started to distance myself from it now.
As for how to get past the fact that ur family chooses ur cousin instead, i think u just need to accept that ur parents choose to live in denial about the whole thing, take help for YOURSELF and take care of YOURSELF so u can finally move on....give YOURSELF the priority.

Hopeless:

That is what children of incest do. I did that very thing. It is not fair to you. It is now time to stop doing that. You are now only responsible for yourself, not anyone else. Maybe a therapist can help you get to that place.
The very best to you.

Thank you guys and I have told my parents so they do know.. its hard because I take care of everyone else and I don't know how to take care of myself ... I know my family has put this roll upon me but how do I stop? How do I change what I have been created to be for 22 yrs? I feel like I'm in a cycle that I can't escape. I should probably start going to therapy again

i know how you feel! My family knows, and my abuser is now living in my childhood bedroom at my moms. I have told my mom as long as he is there i will not come visit her, she says she understand and she give him "2 mouths" to move out and that was years ago and multiple times (i think i herd that line about 20 times now) To be honest i have kinda given up on my family, i see my mom at Christmas and my little brothers games. I dont go to the house and i dont go out of my way fro them anymore at all

to add sorry...

My brother was a marine so there all very pride of him, but after he got dishonorably discharged, he has had no job he can not drive, and dose nothing but sleep all day and yell at people... Myself on the other hand have a BA and just got married... he can do no wrong and it like i'm just par.

Everyone here is up to PAR. We have all survived more that most family members in our lives could.

You don't have to be your family's keeper. You really don't.
They may have nominated that role for you, but you do not have to do what they say.
I now this sounds like heresy, but you owe more to yourself than you do to them.

Hugs, take care.

Yeah many abusers are master manipulators.They learn how to do this from birth.I read a FBI psychological study on child molesters once and it stated that many child molesters are driven to build reputations as pillars in the community to compensate for the atrocities they commit behind close doors. Not only do they do this to compensate for their actions but also to try and intimidate survivors from coming forward and seeking justice against them.

I walked away from that role about 5 years ago. My Mom died and my sister betrayed me by working to re-establish a relationship with my brother. My Mom's sister opened her arms to him and within 3 years I ended all contact with my Mom's side.

I only disclosed what my brother and her boyfriend had done to me about 2 years before she died and she chose to support me. My brother didn't talk to anyone for over 10 years and now he is a God once again. Oh and yes, my Aunt knew everything.

It was painful but I have a wonderful family with my husband and children and I have good friends. I started to share with my cousin's on Dad's side because I don't go to functions because my sister and brother go.

I will probably be without before long... we will see.

The pain I felt that they chose him and expected me to "get over" it and "forgive" was more than I was willing to do.

What kind of example would I be to my children if I let myself be manipulated into continuing to forget my core values and be emotionally abused at this point?

I didn't want my kids to think it is ok at all costs to play family keeper with my silence. It is hypocrtical of me to speak out about child abuse but I engage with my abuser and family? Nope- gone done and finally FREE!!!

I am sorry for the pain you are going through and it's sad that you are subjected to being reminded that you don't matter to them. It's the bullshit cycle families keep and it's the mentality that sacrifice one for the comfort of themselves and the rest of the family. Cowardly to say the least.

idk- I'm sorry but this subject hits home so much and I'm sure many here have similiar experiences. I would rather be alone than compromise my core values for the morally bankrupt.

I wish you well and I hope you can one day be free from this role put on you!

I understand how you feel. Before my father died he told me to take care of my mother. It became a burden. I tried to be the good daughter. But she is still abusive. I feel like I am still a child stuck in the family keeper role. I had to satisfy my fathers sexual needs before I was six. Now I 'm in my fiftys and I have to take care of a mother that never took care of me. I couldnt do it. I have distanced myself from her and havent spoke to her in months. I can not do the family keeper role they put me in.

My youngest brother and I used to be close (after years of fighting) and when I first started talking about the abuse he was the only one who supported me. But as time wore on he made it clear that he did not want to hear what I have to say, despite the fact that I have been there whenever he has called on me for support (he has MS).
We've seen each other once in the last 18 months at a family wedding, then this year he sent Christmas presents to my kids and I sent one to him, he mailed saying thank you and invited me to call.
Instead I sent him a mail saying that I didn't really know what to say because in any relationship we have I can not pretend that my father didn't do what he did and that my mother is anyone different from who she is. He hasn't replied.

I can not go on supporting him if he is not even prepared to accept that I have my own difficulties. So I probably won't see or hear from him again until the next family wedding.

I am sad, but the loss of him is not a loss to me. I am sad that I don't have the brother I would like to have, but continuing to sacrifice myself for him isn't going to get me that brother either.

I like to imagine that one day, if I look after myself and grow strong, I will be able to be there for him without needing something in return. Perhaps one day I will be able to cope with him as a brother, but that day is not now.

Some people, like him, only take, but it is up to us whether we want to or are able to give, and to who. We don't have to - whatever they say or however they might try to manipulate us.