Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
Venting
Today was my second session with my new therapist;I was over the moon last week;At last somebody articulate, who knew what DID was and who seemed so solid.
My previous therapist always looked like she could not handle what I was telling her.She would have her finger in her mouth and just stare at me;Then, afer the session was over, she would insist that we left on a "positive mood" so I felt I had to make her feel good in the end.The last straw was that, after telling her the horrible things my mother said and did to me, I had the misfortune of asking my therapist what kind of person she thought my mother was;To my utmost surprise, she answered:"Your mother, but I do not know her, I have never met her,I can't say anything about her.
That sent me in a shock.I became mute.I did not feel safe with her anymore.So much for an advocate.
This one seemed different.Joked about how Freud was old fashioned practice, how he was going to spread EMDR in France.I had agreed to be tested for a study on it,(they monitor my level of cortisol and link me up with electrodes to a computer.)
Today was OK until , evoking my recent flash backs, I said "they seemed unreal".Anybody with incest issues will understand this.But I immediately realised I hadintroduced doubt in his mind.He then procceded to ask me about the first time a therapist mentioned incest to me , if she had put this inmy mind and then the famous " fake memories" theory followed.He said in the USA, they had all this wave of people pretending to have been sexually abused;it is not possible all these patients pretending to have been abducted by aliens or in orgies.I tried to reply and explain .He quickly dropped the subject.
I felt betrayed again;I dared mention my doubts about my grand son, showed him the drawing."Well, it is delicate, because you are hypersensitive at the moment"I realised he did not give a dam.All he wants is to conduct his sudy onEMDR with me as a guinea pig.I do not mind that, but He can't come to the bloody revelation, like Freud failed to, that a lot of mental disorders are caused by sexual abuse.It is totally minimised and victims are not believed, like before, survivors in concentration camps were not believed and worse made to shut up.
I am writting a book.I keep stopping it as it is painful but we have to speak up to educate people.
The only ones who really know what is going on are the victimologists and some therapists.
What a waste!I hope professionals will raise their awareness.I will be on my therapist next week.I was so shocked I forgot to tell him my father had partly confessed he had done it!
I.
Today was my second session with my new therapist;I was over the moon last week;At last somebody articulate, who knew what DID was and who seemed so solid.
My previous therapist always looked like she could not handle what I was telling her.She would have her finger in her mouth and just stare at me;Then, afer the session was over, she would insist that we left on a "positive mood" so I felt I had to make her feel good in the end.The last straw was that, after telling her the horrible things my mother said and did to me, I had the misfortune of asking my therapist what kind of person she thought my mother was;To my utmost surprise, she answered:"Your mother, but I do not know her, I have never met her,I can't say anything about her.
That sent me in a shock.I became mute.I did not feel safe with her anymore.So much for an advocate.
This one seemed different.Joked about how Freud was old fashioned practice, how he was going to spread EMDR in France.I had agreed to be tested for a study on it,(they monitor my level of cortisol and link me up with electrodes to a computer.)
Today was OK until , evoking my recent flash backs, I said "they seemed unreal".Anybody with incest issues will understand this.But I immediately realised I hadintroduced doubt in his mind.He then procceded to ask me about the first time a therapist mentioned incest to me , if she had put this inmy mind and then the famous " fake memories" theory followed.He said in the USA, they had all this wave of people pretending to have been sexually abused;it is not possible all these patients pretending to have been abducted by aliens or in orgies.I tried to reply and explain .He quickly dropped the subject.
I felt betrayed again;I dared mention my doubts about my grand son, showed him the drawing."Well, it is delicate, because you are hypersensitive at the moment"I realised he did not give a dam.All he wants is to conduct his sudy onEMDR with me as a guinea pig.I do not mind that, but He can't come to the bloody revelation, like Freud failed to, that a lot of mental disorders are caused by sexual abuse.It is totally minimised and victims are not believed, like before, survivors in concentration camps were not believed and worse made to shut up.
I am writting a book.I keep stopping it as it is painful but we have to speak up to educate people.
The only ones who really know what is going on are the victimologists and some therapists.
What a waste!I hope professionals will raise their awareness.I will be on my therapist next week.I was so shocked I forgot to tell him my father had partly confessed he had done it!
I.
I know this is really delicate and sensitive but please bare with me.
When I used to express my doubts to my therapist, she did not contradict them. I used to take this as her having doubts, but now I realise she was giving me space and not imposing her thoughts and ideas. In the long run this helped me. Your new therapist has a duty to find out about you and to check that your memories really are yours and not implanted (there has been plenty of research to show that memories can be implanted). Your reaction may have been enough to show him that and seeing how painful it was, he dropped the subject.
As to the picture. Is it delicate? Are you hypersensitive at the moment? Why did you show him? What did you want him to say? I have learned that I can never show or say something to my therapist in order to get a particular reaction - this is how I've run my life until now, but she doesn't play ball (tho' I still try). Sometimes I'm pretty sure she deliberately gives me a reaction I don't want in order to provoke a disagreement (disagreeing with people being something I find particularly hard).
I am not saying this is what happened, and I don't want to take away from your vent, I am just giving another possible interpretation - I stress possible.
Anyway - whatever the interpretation, he did upset you, he needs to know it and you need to tell him. I think getting on to him next week and showing him how angry you are is an excellent idea.
Hugs
She doesn't know what kind of person abuses and neglects her child? an evil one.
Yes maybe they were abused too yada, yada, but in the end unless your mother was severly mentally ill.Abuse and meglect of children is a choice.
I've been told such ridiculous things by therapists.They have done the same things or said something very similar about my sisters.
When i mentioned how much i hate my older sisters.Some therapists had said "It sound like they were victims too"...........One therapist said my family neglected me cause they were afraid of such an "angry child".........
I know my sister were abused to but not as bad as me.And i never passed the abuse down like they did.To this day they refuse to akcnowledge everything and are still emotionally abusive.
I'd fired both of those therapists.Or i point blank tell them."Did you hear what you just said?? That you do not what kind of person would abuse her child?......."
Is that really a professional answer or is that a cowardly copout?? what is the therapist afraid of?
The other one sound like all he knows is statistics and grouping and a very far away view of "these people with emotional probs"....As they like to call us.
Yeah wasn't Frued not anti-women and thought we were just neurotic, crazy ass useless creatures??
Or was that someone else?
I think even Jung thought that.And he was kinder than Frued.
I have this book. The author of that book, Jennifer Freyd, has parents who are - founders- of the False Memory Syndrome Foundation.
I believe Jennifer has uncorked repressed memories, also.
...Methinks her parents doth protest too much.
That's a very good book, I wonder if Amazon France carries it.
A true account usually has the following features:
In most cases, narration becomes available only after reexperiencing the trauma. This usually takes several months from the initial suspicion that something traumatic might have happened.
Strong affective component is always present, even though it may arrive with a long delay after the first realization of one's traumatic past.
Daytime flashbacks and nighttime terrors are frequent and last for many months.
Both flashbacks and dreams can be factually distorted.
Nightmares tend to be exactly replayed several times or are about the same central topic.
Physiological reactions to the recovered memories are plentiful: crawling skin, shivers, emotions, muscle spasms, sexual arousal, and fearful facial expression.
Presence of many sensory memories: visual, auditory, propriosensory, etc.
There is corroborating evidence: physical, psychological, forensic, etc. Incest is a "family matter," and other members also have the signs of abuse or psychopathology.
An entirely made up (confabulated) story usually has these characteristics:
Narration always precedes reexperiencing of the trauma.
Subject shows insignificant or no affective component.
Strong affective reexperiencing never occurs.
There are no daytime flashbacks.
No more than 1 or 2 nightmares loosely related to sex or nudity may occur in sleep.
No corroborating evidence exists; there are no signs of incest in the family.
Subject has no sensory memories [1], but pictorial visualization of the imagined scene is possible.
The situation in France is very backward concerning abuse.My therapist does not even know what 12 steps groups are.
There is still that prevailing myth that children lie or that therapists create false memories in their patients.
My treatment is free.I accepted to be part of a study to examine if EMDR works better than "traditional therapy".It was at random.50% of patients go into RMDR.50% go into"traditional" therapy.There are 10 sessions for eveybody.Those who do not get EMDR have the right to go for it afterwards.I got traditional with the head of the clinic.(!)
I will then do EMDR with a different person.God knows what he will be like.I take it with a pinch of salt.
I want to go back to this one next week to discuss this false memory theory which is still very prevailant in French psyche.
I know he resents the fact that I have done victimology and that he can't talk down to me.
Thanks for the book quoted.I will get it when I can afford.It is amazing that in the same clinic my husband has a georgous therapist .She is English with a dissident Russian husband.In France, husband and wife can't share the same therapist.
In France, you can have all the medicine possible for free.They love to prescribe dope.Zombie land.
I can work with the former because it leads to learning and mutual respect, the latter I need to learn to walk away from (hard because I am forever giving them the benefit of the doubt and think it must be me in the wrong).
It is interesting (and sad) what you say about the continuing prevailing attitudes in France. I have had such a good experience with my therapist (French speaking Belgian, but who worked for many years in Canada).
I know you want treatment - but in 10 sessions can you see this as an opportunity to kick some ass with this guy? Let him benefit from your knowledge of everything that is wrong with the system? Let that anger roll...
I hope you find yourself a good, decent, strong therapist. Someone who can tell you what they think of your mother, for one thing.
Wheezie, thanks so much for the information on real versus confabulated memories, I've never heard that before. See, I still have trouble believing my repressed memories!