Incest Survivors Support Group

Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...

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Expectations from significant other

nikkole
nikkole

I'm wondering how significant others handle knowledge of abuse - if there is a signtificant other.  OR -a friend, loved one. whatever.   My husband knows about the abuse but he seems quite reticent about the whole thing.  I'm not sure what to expect.  should I expect anything? Is there anyone out there who feels incredibly supported by someone they love?  what is it that they are getting from that person? Has the knowlege of abuse ruined relationships? Is it possible I won't get what I need or want from my husband and the relationships fizzles?  I'm curious to know others experience in this realm.

squeaker43
squeaker43
Hi Nikkole, I have gotten to the point that I don't expect "anybody" to understand what all I have been through, except for the people that have gone through pretty much the same thing that I have. People can have empathy but unless they have experienced it, they really don't KNOW. My husband understands but he doesn't really get it because his answer is, "It happened so many years ago that I think you should get over it." I don't try to get him to understand my feelings, any more. It is like telling somebody what "labor" is, when you have a baby. Until they have a baby, they don't get it. Right. I hope all turns out well for you. ((HUGS))
nikkole
nikkole
Thanks for your thoughts on this squeaker43. Did you ever hope for more from your husband? when you came to the conclusion to not expect more did you feel better? I have read that you go into the dark forest of your demons alone and only you can battle and conquer them. I can see how this is true to some extent. But It's been really nice to be a part of this website and to get support from people such as yourself.
donnawanda
donnawanda
I don't expect much from my husband in this department because I know he's not one to dive happily into deep emotions and it could even be triggering for him. I have found this website (well, the old website) to be a precious resource for understanding and community.
nikkole
nikkole
While i realize that I need to probably expect less from my husband - I wondering, squeaker43, and I mean this with great respect, how it doesn't bother you that your husband says you should get over it because it happened so long ago. The reason is not so much that one person feels this way - but in general - as a society, "WE" collectively (not the victims), feel this way. I feel it's why I can't put my abuser in jail and he basically got away with it - because, "what's the big deal". But I do believe it can be triggering like you mention donnawanda. I'm still not sure how to process my husbands nonchalance. maybe chalk it up to being triggered.
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