Incest Survivors Support Group

Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...

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Back at home...

Stargirl321
Stargirl321

So I moved back home and I'm around my family much more which has been a huge trigger for me. My mind is a race car with emotions that are overwhelming and hard to control. In addition, I haven't been able to see a therapist for over 7 months which helped me cope and process my traumas. Also, there has been a lot of changes among family members, which makes it harder because my family still and would rather not acknowledge what my brother did to me when I was a child. I feel a lot of anger, resentment, and frustration, because my brother who has a loving wife and now 2 daughters is glorified due to his new baby girl. I want to be happy for them, but I just can't. I love them, yes, but I just don't know. To top it off, my significant other moved here as well, and they have been making feel more frustrated and angry due to their need of being sexually intimate with me and I just haven't been in the mood. He makes me feel so bad that I am not physical and or intimate with him. It's hard for me, doesn't he see that? Instead he state, "well I'm a 31 year old and I have biological needs, and If I wasn't in a relationship I would go out and find someone who could provide that for me". That hurt me the most. Am I being over reactive? Someone please help me!!!!!


donnawanda
donnawanda
I don't think you're being over-reactive at all. The abuse by your brother has left you with a lot of unhealed trauma and seeing him go forward unscathed while you are suffering is very hard, to say the least. Plus it doesn't sound like anyone is showing any respect for your experience or empathy for what you must be feeling. That's really rough. Now your significant other is being utterly selfish and uncaring. His message is "My needs are important - your needs are not important" with an implicit threat of abandonment. Hmmm, sounds familiar to how you have been treated in your family. And they are all gaslighting you in a way because no one acknowledges your feelings or experience - they want your feelings and needs and injuries to just magically disappear because they are so darn inconvenient. You need validation and respect, not to be ignored and dismissed.
RoseyViolet
RoseyViolet
All very understandable to say the least. The fact that you feel comfortable to reveal your past here to an understanding audience is a very healthy step in the right direction. Keeping it all bottled up inside is toxic. Is there a reason why you haven't seen your therapist in 7 months? Perhaps finding another one or someone else you may share your struggles with who will not judge but offer up sound advice on healthy, healing steps forward.
I know, being a survivor of sexual abuse, the best thing I ever did was to forgive my abuser. It sounds counter-intuitive, but it really set me free from the prison of pain and heartache and allowed freedom to move on and move forward. Perhaps writing in a journal all of your frustrations and heartache, writing to your brother in there, to at least get it all out even if you never send him a letter or ever confront him, it would at least allow you to get it all out on paper.
As for your SO, if he fully understands and knows your past, but doesn't respect your need for healing and know some days are a struggle, perhaps he's not the "one". True love is gracious and loving at all times, not needy and selfish. So sorry you are struggling. I know prayer really helped me, I pray you will find peace, hope and strength to face each day.