I too was abused by my brother. It began when I was around 4 or 5 years old and I thought it was my fault. I couldn't process it until I was 36 years old.

It's been four years now of acceptance, grief, fatigue, and storms of emotion.

I am starting to feel better now and wish the same for you.

Hey Kittycat! Welcome. I know you joined my group on Adult sexuality too. I'm so glad you did. I've just had huge and profound memories come up for me about my CSA. I'm going to share them in my group along with I'm sure much input from others on the ways they have coped with the life long problem. Look on my group in a few days.

I'm so sorry you have suffered too. I'm 56. It took me 45 years to remember the abuse in it's reality. 14 years of abuse is a very painful life. Again I'm so sorry for your very long time of pain. I hope being here brings you the support you are looking for. Peace dear.

My own abuse was basically prostitute training. I reached my 18th birthday as a drug addicted prostitute with zero memories of my childhood. I was also highly suicidal and started therapy in 1972 after a nearly effective suicide attempt.

Funny thing about amnesia is you cannot know what all you have forgotten. My first recalls were literally psychotic breaks. With much work and help, it has gotten much easier, but I am not sure it will ever be 'over.' whenever I move on, the past which made me moves with me. I strive to let it be a source of unending compassion.

Welcome. I'm sorry you need to be here. I certainly wouldn't wish this on anyone. The abuse memories really started affecting me when I was in my 30s, just after my abuser died. I worked hard on them for 10 years with a wonderful therapist and support groups until I thought I was ready to move on with my life. I guess you are never totally free of the results. My wife passed away this year and the feelings of grief for her also brought up more memories and unresolved feelings from the abuse I suffered as a child. So I'm back in therapy, I have 2 face to face support groups and I'm a member of several groups on DS. I don't know how to post more than 1 goal on DS but besides managing the lonelyness with my wife passing away I also want to change my negative attitude about life in general.

Thank you for your reply I am sorry about your abuse also. It is so hard to deal with. I am currently living with my dad but my brother also lives here and I hate staying here but I have no choice right now. I was going through counseling but my cousler couldnt see me anymore becuase she moved to a different cener. I have to get back into theropy I think. Ok have a very Merry Christmas. Mine is not to Merry this year.

Gwendoly I too have found one relief from the abuse feelings/memories is experiencing compassion for others. It's sort of like unnecessary love. JK. It's love unasked for and offered anyway. Offering empathy on DS is a great outlet and heals. So glad we're all here.