Yes, this is so true. I was not allowed to be angry, and I reacted the same way you did.

It is brilliant to finally understand that depression is really repressed anger. If we learn how to identify the anger and why we felt it and recognize we were not allowed to express it and then feel it in the way we should have been allowed to feel it and express it .... I think we get relief from depression.

thank you for the reminder. this has been a challenge for me lately.

We use anger to empower us over the pain and use depression to keep that anger at bay. Your understanding will serve you well!

In my mid to late teens, anger was a potentially deadly issue for me. I almost killed 3 guys intervening when they where preying on the weak. The scary part was not remembering the "during" only hearing about what I all did later from friends and seeing what I did to those men. After the first time, me friends treated me different, since I think they afraid of me, then I felt isolated, alone. So I stuffed it all down.

Later in life during my 3rd(current) attempt at healing, it was spewing out. I spent probably close to 3 years, uttering profanities daily, always in a constant rage. Once I peeled back the layers of anger I could than deal will the underlying pain. By doing so, the anger released.
Now when I get angry I go through my check list, Why is that situation making me angry, is there something I can do to change that which makes me angry or is it beyond my control, etc. Can I harness that angry and use it to inspire me to perhaps change a situation for the better, with words instead of fists. Stuff like that.
I still worry though if I come across bullies, especially corrupt cops abusing their power, since they always seem to win those battles. I'm not one to stand idly by and watch an injustice unfold and I know I could find myself being neck deep in shit for being that way. I guess that's something dad couldn't beat out of me. At least now I've learned diplomacy and can diffuse a situation with words.
I know I'll always have to keep a tight rein on myself or I'll find myself in a cage...

I have always turned my anger in on myself - and suffered depression. I am only just now beginning to learn to actually feel it, next step will be learning how to express it.

I hate anger. Whether I hold it in and poison myself or spew it out and poison everyone around me, it makes me feel sick. I still don't understand what is the healthy, constructive thing to do with it. Get to the pain underneath, maybe that's the key. And yes, use it to empower in cases where I or someone else is being treated wrongly. But it never comes without a feeling of powerlessness.

Donnawanda
I think this is one of my problems. For me anger is linked to my father's aggression, but also to my powerlessness. This makes it a really really dangerous emotion to feel.
Thank you - you have given me a light bulb moment. My father's aggression, my powerlessness, that's all in the past. He can't hurt me any more and I am not him.

It is safe now to feel anger, it is safe now to feel powerful.

I feel the same way about anger ... I feel powerless and terrified at the same time I feel anger. This becomes rage to overcome the sense of powerlessness.

I am reading a great book and just thought I would mention it - Where to Draw the Line by Anne Katherine, M.A. She has a chapter on anger and it is very helpful. There are other chapters that would help us in particular, such as sexual boundaries and intimacy boundaries.

loum50, I am so happy for you that you are expressing anger in more healthy ways - every baby step counts, my friend.

Anger, something I am still very much dealing with. I can express it sometimes and do it well. But then after I've dealt with it correctly I shake, cry and feel like I've done something totally wrong and have hurt someone! Which is not the case at all. I always feel like I don't matter, or how I feel doesn't matter in this situation. But it does and I am learning that.
There are times anger comes out inappropriately and I usually ignore and walk away. Which is not helpful to me or the situation.
Anger at the past is something that is very hard for me, I usually go hiking and try to focus on good things. But sometimes I can't find good memories! I found that meditation works, music and art. I try to find something good about myself and focus on lifting myself up. That usually works but takes a lot of practice and time.
I suffer from depression and very dark times, and my therapist states that is inward anger. I am learning to draw and write as well. That is helpful.

WalkingBuffaloMan, when I was younger there were times that I blacked out and hurt some people when I felt like I was being physically threatened. When I was in junior high school I blacker out and put a cop in the hospital for a week. I didn't know anything about it until some friends told me the next day. I wasn't picked on after that in school. It happened again in high school and I put 2other students in the hospital.