Hi Froggy, I am in the same situation and it is so difficult for us both. I suffer from Depression ( Bi-polar ) and I can relate to the depression side of things. It maybe helpful for you to firstly talk to a medical professional about how depression effects not just your mind but your body also. Some of the anti-depressants I had been prescribed affected my sexual responsiveness and my desire for sex. It is not an uncommon side effect.

I know my husband hates having this problem and in his case it is for most part a physical thing due to nerve/circulatory system damage from having had diabetes. Even after he had a kidney/pancreas transplant several years ago and is thankfully no longer diabetic, things haven't improved.

I do think with him while there is definitely a physical element there is also a psychological component to this issue.

I will reply with some more info in a while as have to go make a phone call :)

This is very difficult to deal with as a wife and a woman. I've read on forums on the internet that alot of men just avoid sex altogether. Most of the antidepressants make matters worse. It lowers my self esteem alot because it is hard to have a husband who appears to not have desire for you, it is so frustrating and sad. For a long time he didn't go to the doctor and he had the problem for quite a while, it was not anywhere as bad as it is now. I wish I could feel better about all that is happening but I don't. I appreciate your reply so much

Froggy, the worst thing you can do is give him a hard time about it, which pretty much guarantees he will forever have "no pleasing you" on his mind which will more then guarantee ED issues. It is no wonder that he did not tell you about taking Viagra since he knew you would react this way.

As long as you treat him like he is a loser and make him feel like he is not a man now (and trust me he feels that way) you have pretty much guaranteed he won't get hard for you anymore. You have put way too much pressure on him.

I would bet you two need some marital counseling as well since this attitude of yours is screaming out that you guys have problems outside of the bed.

At the least you should see a shrink about this yourself for guidance on how to be more compassionate and loving, which will get him hard for you again and keep you satisfied in bed.

Has hubs been supportive of you through your 6-7 years of menopause? I imagine that has not always been easy on him.

Is it all about sex? I have had abusive relations and the cure all was sex. NOW I found a man that truly loves me for who I am but also suffers ED. He is a God sin to me and makes me feel very special. That's what my life is all about not just how can he please me sexually.

Amen Justintime. You have your priorities in order.

Before you all jump to conclusions about the kind of person I am, I handled his occasional problem perfectly fine in the time we've been married, and as it has gotten worse with age, it is frustrating because it doesn't mater what I do or don't do or what I say or don't say. Last year unknown to me he was being blackmailed by a prostitute because she told him, he had paid her for a blow job, he said he didn't remember her at all and she had called him on his work phone, had his own business and told him if he didn't give her money she would tell his wife. I heard a bunch of stories that were lies, his mind and memory was very messed up, disgusting. Then he said he did nothing, just being blackmailed for money, random. No i do not believe him for 1 minute. So we have had counseling, go to church and doing everything we can to save our detroyed marriage. Look all these years I did not cheat on him when problems happened, I have tried so hard, even what happened I have tried but now with that it is impossible to have any compassion at all. I do not understand a man who has erectile dysfunction, and going to a prostitute, regardless of if he did or did not, he still paid money and maybe it sounds mean but if it doesn't get hard, it doesn't get hard, and someone would pay somebody like that ? It has only made matters worse for me that's all. His doctor told him something about his brain and memory and depression and things may confusing , but the medication would help his memory in time. I do appreciate the advice and words of wisdon, but not your insults, I didn't ask the question for the purpose of being insulted, I get that everyday because of what he did, so I asked a question,

I suffer from ED. I am nearly 72 and am told to expect it. I still wake up with good erections which I think is to do with good health, not sex.

Occasionally I will use half a viagra and it will work fine but DW doesn't like me using pills. I assure you it is not in the mind.

However we still have very good sex. DW can still climax without penetration and I can climax in other ways if need be.

I think it is sad if a husband goes to a prostitute as that is a diversion of the sexual drive and will severely affect the intimacy of a marriage which should be based on faithfulness.

There are different levels of sexuality. And to some people sex is not important. Some people are fine with sexual intimacy once a month, if that. But others are not built that way. Sex is not just sex. Intimacy is a big part of connecting with a partner and reaching a level of oneness. So to be in a relationship where one partner has no desire and the other yearns for it, it is sure failure. I speak from experience. I am going on 4 yrs dating a wonderful man, but he has emotional ED. And it isn't all about sex. I would never cheat. Nor would I break up and jump on the next guy just to get some. But, I also know I will never be happy this way. My heart feels pain. I don't feel desired. My patience is running low, and I don't want to become enemies. But I also can't leave the man who has become my family. It is a real struggle.

Froggy - I can soooooo relate to how you feel. The same exact thing happened to me with my BF. We are not that young anymore. We are in our late 50's. I have to agree with you. Why go see the prostitute when we are right here and want to be loved. They use that excuse just to have an affair. They figure maybe that will help the relationship. NOT.......it has definitely made me loose my desire for him. I want to have sex all the time, but the constant feeling in the back of my mind is what he did to me and that hurts. How does he expect us to even have sex when I always feel like he wants to be somewhere else. It is really hard to put my whole being into the relationship.

I thought the topic was ED? You have way more going on than not wanting him to take a pill... Personally if that's what it takes .."Fame On"
You have infidelity and lying going on.

Good Luck being a BS SUCKS

After 40 or maybe even 35 the likely hood of ED in men increases dramatically. Ask yourself this. Why did these pharma Co's come out with the dick pill in the first place.

Men are sexual animals. It's what we do!

When a woman thinks that a man should not use pills you should check your attitude at the door. It aint about you!

At stages in everyone's lives you go in and out of sexual activity. Pun Intended. I'll bet the men in those situations got shutoff for their spouses or reject (even worse).

You owe it to him to be open minded and put yourself and your attitudes about taking a dick pill aside. Let the guy feel like he's a man again and stop squabbling about what you think you know.

^ if you read the whole thing.. The issue is he was steppin out with prostitutes.. No pill needed.

She has a healthy sexual desire... She's upset he only can have sex with her via pill, without her knowledge.

Ok froggy1234 here is my diagnosis of your problem(s). As I read through your statements I noticed that there are more problems to your story than just ED. I now understand your lack of compassion. My suggestion is first to get yourself In order by that I mean all the seeds of hatred, doubt, mistrust, cheating, lack of compassion and lack of knowledge about ED. All that must be dealt with. I can tell you from experience if you allow those seeds to fester they are going to ruin your life and that of your relationships with family and friends.
Next you need to learn all you can about ED. Ill tell what I found. It appears to me that no medical personnel seems to know what exactly causes ED. You are going to be amazed and surprised at the number of different scenarios. I wont bother you with a list because it would be too long. It also affects those as early as 20 I read his story. I am 59 and have ED. It started about 4 months ago. I take blood pressure, cholesterol, and Omeprazole for gerds medications. I also take krill oil to help lower my triglycerides. I have been taking these for 10 years now. I researched my medications and the blood pressure medication says impotency is one of the RARE side effects. But I have been fine sexually for 59 years until recently.

Ok here is how ED is affecting me.
Sometimes my penis has no sensation at all not all the time
I can masturbate and finish.. not always because of lack of sensation
Sometimes I go way too long and have to quit. not often
I can get an erection but not when I want to or as long as I want to
I can get an erection with or without cialis
My erections are sometimes soft, hard, fully erect and so so
9 out 10 times I can ejaculate
I can keep an erection as long as I am inside my wife
I can get an erection watching my wife get dressed, when I lay up against her in bed not always
Cialis is helpful in getting me started sometimes but most of the time nothing happens

I have read where with some men this never happens no erection, sensation, ejack., nothing. With others a week, a month they are normal and they maybe be normal any number of times during that week or month. ED is real but its affects are very numerous and varies with each male. So it is difficult to say if its just in his head or not. It is up to him to see a doctor because I haven't heard about any male being cured.

I hope I haven't been too detailed or offensive to you.

So there you have it some insight into the mans world of ED. Now as for the other stuff going on God help you, seriously.

Already 59..
You said Ed affects men as young as 20 yrs. old....
I've heard of boys in their teens on up who have ED.

To other Ppl there are many reasons for ED, Depressions is 1 as many other emotional situations. Stress can be a major factor.
Health, heart probs. diabetes, severe pain in general.Medications..
injuries to the penis, the list goes on..