Impotence & Erectile Dysfunction Support Group
Erectile dysfunction or impotence is a sexual dysfunction characterized by the inability to develop or maintain an erection of the penis for satisfactory sexual intercourse regardless of the capability of ejaculation. There are various underlying causes, such as diabetes, many of which are medically reversible. The causes may be physiological or psychological.
I'm a 25 years old woman and my partner is suffering from erectile dysfunction. I'm reaching the end of my rope and I'm running out of patience with him. I love him but the connection between us continues to grow weaker and weaker. I feel like I'm the only person trying.
When we first met I was 19 years old and he was 31 years old. We had a very active sex life, every day and sometimes more. I had only been with less than a handful of partners in the past but with my SO we connected. I've always had issues with orgasm during sex but I still enjoyed it.
A year later we had a daughter and things slowed down to maybe once a month. But that's normal after a baby, right? But things never improved. Soon it was once every eight weeks. Then every ten weeks. I began to get upset.
I gained 50lbs while pregnant. Maybe he wasn't attracted to me. He couldn't maintain an erection, and often didn't finish. I'd catch him masturbating ALL THE TIME but he was withdrawing from me.
I began to get so angry. I'd make snide side remarks, or hint about never having alone time but he would ignore me. We continued this way, arguing about sex for three years. I would complain that we never had sex and he would say I was just forgetting, or exaggerating. For a year I tracked EXACTLY which days we had sex because I was sure that each time was further and further spaced apart.
I began dieting and exercising to deal with the frustrations. It must be the extra weight, but because he loved me he didn't want to hurt my feelings. I changed my hair, I lost two pant sizes. Nothing changed. I finally broke down. What is wrong? Why am I living with Roommate rather than my boyfriend?
He finally told me he was having problems with ED and was concerned about his heart. He admitted fears about losing me and how bad he felt about it whenever I pushed the topic.
Naturally I backed off and gave him the space he requested. I encouraged him to see a doctor but he was reluctant.
I secretly hoped that maybe just maybe if I got a manicure, began wearing makeup, lost two more pant sizes he might notice me more. But here it is oct again. A full year and nothing. He doesn't try. He doesn't want to talk about it. There is no oral sex, no touching, no making out on the couch. He won't see a doctor. He won't eat healthier, lose weight, or exercise.
The only proof that we are a couple is the fact that we hug and say "I love you" everyday. If I'm lucky he will randomly pinch my butt while I vacuum the floor.
Idk what to do. I idk who to blame. I hurt so badly. I'm just watching this void between us grow larger and larger. I used to try. I used to push. Now I just watch and wait. I know we won't make it.
I'm angry because he is forcing me into this celibate existence and he won't even try. I'm battling depression because I'm so desperatefor affection. I'm so afraid that I'll meet someone and I won't be able to resist. I'm afraid to go dancing with friends, because I'm afraid to even have someone touch me. If I go out it's strictly to gay bars. Even then I don't drink, just in case. Because all the changes I made hoping my SO would find me sexy BACKFIRED! He doesn't notice me but every other male I meet sure seems to notice.
I love my family. I just want to be close to the man I love. I can live without the intercourse. I could make everything else work. I just want him to hold me and kiss me and make me feel loved.
I've told him this. I have practically given him the guide to making me feel loved and he remembers for a week, then all he remembers to do is hug me. I get more cuddles from my 5 year old daughter. I don't even get angry when she sneaks into my bed anymore. He generally sleeps on the couch, and as sad as it is, at least she loves me back.
I'm so hurt. And so afraid. I just keeping hoping something will change but I'm losing hope and I dunno what to do anymore.
When we first met I was 19 years old and he was 31 years old. We had a very active sex life, every day and sometimes more. I had only been with less than a handful of partners in the past but with my SO we connected. I've always had issues with orgasm during sex but I still enjoyed it.
A year later we had a daughter and things slowed down to maybe once a month. But that's normal after a baby, right? But things never improved. Soon it was once every eight weeks. Then every ten weeks. I began to get upset.
I gained 50lbs while pregnant. Maybe he wasn't attracted to me. He couldn't maintain an erection, and often didn't finish. I'd catch him masturbating ALL THE TIME but he was withdrawing from me.
I began to get so angry. I'd make snide side remarks, or hint about never having alone time but he would ignore me. We continued this way, arguing about sex for three years. I would complain that we never had sex and he would say I was just forgetting, or exaggerating. For a year I tracked EXACTLY which days we had sex because I was sure that each time was further and further spaced apart.
I began dieting and exercising to deal with the frustrations. It must be the extra weight, but because he loved me he didn't want to hurt my feelings. I changed my hair, I lost two pant sizes. Nothing changed. I finally broke down. What is wrong? Why am I living with Roommate rather than my boyfriend?
He finally told me he was having problems with ED and was concerned about his heart. He admitted fears about losing me and how bad he felt about it whenever I pushed the topic.
Naturally I backed off and gave him the space he requested. I encouraged him to see a doctor but he was reluctant.
I secretly hoped that maybe just maybe if I got a manicure, began wearing makeup, lost two more pant sizes he might notice me more. But here it is oct again. A full year and nothing. He doesn't try. He doesn't want to talk about it. There is no oral sex, no touching, no making out on the couch. He won't see a doctor. He won't eat healthier, lose weight, or exercise.
The only proof that we are a couple is the fact that we hug and say "I love you" everyday. If I'm lucky he will randomly pinch my butt while I vacuum the floor.
Idk what to do. I idk who to blame. I hurt so badly. I'm just watching this void between us grow larger and larger. I used to try. I used to push. Now I just watch and wait. I know we won't make it.
I'm angry because he is forcing me into this celibate existence and he won't even try. I'm battling depression because I'm so desperatefor affection. I'm so afraid that I'll meet someone and I won't be able to resist. I'm afraid to go dancing with friends, because I'm afraid to even have someone touch me. If I go out it's strictly to gay bars. Even then I don't drink, just in case. Because all the changes I made hoping my SO would find me sexy BACKFIRED! He doesn't notice me but every other male I meet sure seems to notice.
I love my family. I just want to be close to the man I love. I can live without the intercourse. I could make everything else work. I just want him to hold me and kiss me and make me feel loved.
I've told him this. I have practically given him the guide to making me feel loved and he remembers for a week, then all he remembers to do is hug me. I get more cuddles from my 5 year old daughter. I don't even get angry when she sneaks into my bed anymore. He generally sleeps on the couch, and as sad as it is, at least she loves me back.
I'm so hurt. And so afraid. I just keeping hoping something will change but I'm losing hope and I dunno what to do anymore.
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
I am a 41 y/o impotent man, unlike ED, there is no hope for me to ever use it again, this is because of several health conditions. Now when this first came about, as bad as I felt about myself, my main concern was my wife. I felt it was not fair to her, why should she suffer because of me? We went and bought some toys, and did all the other things that can be done without that. Unfortunately, it has gotten to the point that my arms will not hold up for that kind of activity any more, so it's almost impossible for us to do anything other than just cuddle. The only problem with cuddling is, she gets horney and wants to turn it sexual, and I'm not able to do anything for her. It breaks my heart, and makes me feel very bad about myself, not because I can't but because I can't do anything for her.
What I'm trying to say, is my main concern is my wife's needs. If your man does not care about your needs, he is either in a depression because for a man to lose that ability, is horrible. I turned to my wife's needs, your man has probably turned his attention onto himself, and all he can see is what he can't do, instead of what he can still do. He feels that without that no woman can love him.
I will admit right in the beginning, after it started going away, but before it was completely gone, there were a few times that I got horney, and actually managed to get an erection, but instead of going to my wife, I would go masturbate. Why? Because, I was so afraid that if I started something with her, I would lose the erection, and would not be able to finish, and I knew that if that happened, I would feel like I wanted to die. Both because I could not be a man anymore, but also because I had failed her.
I said all of that to tell you what your SO could be going through, and why he could be acting the way he is. A man loses part of himself when this happens, the younger the worse it is. Try telling him again that you don't care about sex, you just want him back in bed with you. That you still love him no matter what he can or cant do. Try to be understanding, let him know you are trying to understand, that you have been asking questions on this board so you can understand, because you love him. .
Now, if he still refuses to listen, or do anything about the problem between the two of you, my original thought is correct. There is very little hope for your relationship. I'm afraid that he already has one foot out the door. I'm not saying his ED is not real, it probably is, and is probably the reason he is wanting out of the relationship, due to the way he feels about himself.
Either way he is being extremely self centered, and not taking your feelings into consideration. When I was reading your post, I kept thinking we can fix this problem, until you said he was sleeping on the couch. That usually happens, when one partner does something to really piss off the other. but that only last is a night or two, Or when one partner wants out of the relationship. I still hope you can fix your relationship, see if he will tell you what you can do to make things better. It's not your fault, but if you want to save the relationship you need to do your share of the work. But, only if he does his share, if he doesn't work, then you don't work, and ask him to leave. Also don't let him ask you to do something that you don't want to do or is degrading or anything like that. Just keep in mind from here on out that the relationship is probably over, but you fight with everything you've got, until it is obvious it's over, at that point, leave (or make him leave) with your head held high, and your pride and dignity in place. come back any time you need to.
Good Luck
I wish he could open his eyes and realize I love him no matter what.
We have trust and respect and love. We can't have sex and he is withdrawing. It drives me insane because we have so much together.
You are right. If we don't make it through this I want to at least be able to look my daughter in the eyes and tell her I did everything that I could to make it work between us. I think all 3 of us deserve that much.
At least I have a starting place- make him sleep in our bed more often. He sleeps on the couch 85% of the time. He used to complain that the baby kept him awake, and that the old bed hurt his back. I spent nearly $3000 on a larger, more luxurious bed and frame ect to make him more comfortable and he still sleeps on the couch.
:-) it's a start. ThankYou.
I would disregard the last posters comments , it sounds like he has a hard life and make not be able to give nice advice . Your relationship has plenty of hope . He sounds just very depressed , make him sleep in the bed with you . Let him know you just want his company and nothing else . Help his confidence out . After a while make an appointment with him and his doctor and see what they can do . Some men get very embarrassed so give him time . Not being able to perform does not mean he's not attracted to you or that he's one foot out . He's sleeping on the couch because he's scared and lost . I know this is just as hard for you though and sorry you have to go through this struggle . But god has a plan , you can get through this . Mabey make a lot of family dates at first so he knows there's not sexual pressure . Strengthen your friendship with him . My wife is my best friend in the world . It's going to be okay just don't give up on each other , and tell him not to give up either . You guys have a log of years ahead of you to watch your daughter grow . Message me anytime if you need to someone positive to talk too .
I got a lot of messages with encouragement and helpful ears. So I began to make small overtures and begin connecting with him again.
Last night I finally worked up the courage to talk to him about our problems. We laid in bed holding each other, talking and opening up about everything.
:-) we decided to just start at the beginning. Hug and cuddle. Date night's and kissing on the couch. I explained that being intimate was just a way that showed he loved and cared and desired me. I just want to be close to the man I love. That doesn't mean just penetration or sex.
He is still dealing with things but I feel a million times better about our future. This problem is taking a huge chunk of his self confidence away. I'm just going to keep trying. He isn't agreeing to see a doctor yet but he is talking to me. One step at a time.