That's a real shame that so many women lose their sex drive as they age. It seems to be a lot whether through menopause or hysterectomy. I often wonder how it was before. I firmly believe that the biggest sex organ is the brain. For me, sex is still great. It is a little different but not worse. It's like going from 8a to 8 b. No less, no more, just different. It is also important to have a supportive, loving and committed partner to work through any issues. Sometimes, it may be necessary to get counseling.

My husband is also very supportive, loving, and committed but that doesn't return sensation that's been lost due to severed nerves and blood vessels. No sensation = no pleasure! Even the sensation in my breasts is gone (no breast / genital connection any more). And as a number of these women said, I don't have the same feelings of affection for my husband or children. Sure, I love them but it's not that intense love I used to feel.

Quite a few of the women who commented on the article were in their 20's or 30's when they had their hyst and still had their ovaries. Would you tell them that their loss of sex drive was due to AGE?

I am only speaking for myself and many others who are on this site feel the same way. I guess we are the lucky ones, but your loss doesn't happen to everyone. I don't know the stats because I think that we hear more from people who have problems than from those who do well. I wouldn't be on here anymore except to show some that life can be just great after hysterectomy. Also, as to the guy who had prostatectomy, I'm guessing he wasn't in his 20s or 30s? I can understand your loss of physical sensation, but I don't get your decreased love for your children. What did they sever to result in that?

As much as you'd like to think I'm an anomaly, I'm not.

Per the 1,000 women surveyed, here are the pecentages that reported LOSS OF MATERNAL FEELING:

40.6% - women who had uterus removed but kept ovaries
47.4% - women who had uterus and one ovary removed
39.1% - women who had uterus and both ovaries removed

For a long time post-hyst, I told myself this loss of connection to my husband and children was from the severe depression but now that the depression is pretty much gone, I can't blame it on that any more. I've communicated with a number of women who did NOT suffer from depression post-hyst but also experienced this loss of feeling "connected."

There are plenty of comments on the first link about loss of zest for life and feeling like their partner is just a roommate or sibling versus a lover and/or soulmate.

That's really sad. I'm sorry for you and anyone who suffers that for whatever reason. You didn't comment on the counseling suggestion. Have you tried that route?

Yes, I've been the counseling route. One therapist had a hyst herself and said the same thing as you - well, sex changes as we get older. Hmmm - I went from having high libido and intense orgasms at age 49 pre-hyst to NO libido and little to NO response post-hyst. I'm sure it was age! She also had many issues post-hyst - hair and skin changes and even worked with a famous hormone expert who charges big $$$ to tweak HRT and thyroid meds to improve her situation. She was thin but had the post-hyst belly.

Surprisingly, the best therapist was the youngest one with all her parts and still in the process of getting licensed.

I think a lot of our post op functioning depends on how we go in to the surgery in the first place. My doctor did comment on the possible altered libido. There were no unexpected occurrences, no surprise "take-outs". I think if you feel betrayed by your doctor and things aren't made clear to you before surgery, it is harder to deal with any issues. I would not be happy if he took anything out that I hadn't agreed to, so I can see why women in your position would have a harder time dealing with things. I'm not sure why I don't have worse symptoms. My hair is still thick and healthy, my skin is unchanged, i still have all my maternal instincts and sex drive as before. Also, I have to go cold turkey with menopause since HRT is off limits for me. I consider myself lucky but also attribute a lot to full disclosure and my attitude. My doctor laughed at me because I said I refuse to have any of those negative effects. I know that it doesn't work for everyone, but the mind is a powerful tool for affecting outcomes in many things. I know lots of negative people and usually, bad things happen to them. It's a question worth considering. Do bad things happen because they expect them, or do they expect them because bad things happen?

Haven't you been on tamoxifen for 2.5 years? That may at least partially explain why you didn't feel the effects as much.

Yes, I did consider that too.

Oops not done yet. While I considered it, Tamoxifen actually causes menopausal symptoms in premenopausal women. It causes mood swings, weight gain, hot flashes and many others. I did not have any of these issues. Many women can't tolerate it for these reasons. I'm still at a loss as to why I have so few issues.

Hi Hotmom! I've been following this thread... You have a great outlook.

I also believe that personality and attitude have a huge impact.

I think I've posted this before..But I remember reading about the actress Brooke Shields and her Post Partem Depression and thinking it had more to do with her personality type than actual physical condition.

She said that when she was lying there all operated on and in pain that she looked over at her husband and child and felt anger that she was wounded and they were all right.

I'm sure any nurse anywhere can tell you stories about how all patients having the very same procedure react so differently.

During one of my pregancies I was talking to a woman who said she screamed and punched the nurse who was trying to put in her cathater.. I said.."Oh did it hurt" and she said 'NO, I was just grouchy" lol

Even outside of the medical world you see it.

My daughter has a friend who often forgets to thank me after I have taken her out and I was mentioning this to my Sister in law.. I said.. "It hurts my feelings when she doesn't say Thank You" My sister in law said.. "It doesn't hurt my feelings when they forget to thank me.. it pisses me off" lol

I think some people just roll with the punches better than others. Some peope are grateful for what they still have and can do.. and others... not so much.

Thanks for your kind words, Brightside. I agree with you about people's outlook. I grew up with very little in terms of stuff and really appreciate what I have now. My kids have grown up with a lot and don't seem to appreciate things nearly as much. When I was in intense labor and having all kinds of complications which resulted in a forceps delivery, I kept asking my husband how he was doing because he was so tired. The nurse was rather shocked because she says most women are too focused on their own pain to think of their husband's. When I was diagnosed with bc, I was so grateful that it was mine and that my husband and kids were ok. I knew I could deal with it. Everyone has things in life that either break them or make them stronger. I strive for the latter.

One can choose to ignore, condone, or even enable wrongdoing and injustice which just perpetuates it. Others choose to do something about it by seeking the truth and speaking out. Of course, one has to understand and acknowledge that theres a problem first! Too many women are in the dark believing that they really needed a hysterectomy.

Since 76% of hysts do NOT meet ACOGs criteria for the surgery and hysterectomy causes lifelong damage, I choose to speak out so women can get the information necessary to make a wise decision. It's their choice if they want to ignore the evidence.

I didn't have any wrongdoing or injustice done to me. I am merely stating my facts as they are. YOurs may be different. I never encourage anyone to have surgery. There is life after hysterectomy if it is necessary and a person decides to have it done.

4chg,
Your message is noble and I admire your patience and perseverance despite outright harassment. The Christians were stoned for speaking out so you are in good company!