HPV Support Group
Human papillomavirus is a diverse group of DNA-based viruses that infect the skin and mucous membranes of humans. More than 100 different human papillomavirus (HPV) types have been characterized. Some HPV types cause benign skin warts, or papillomas, for which the virus family is named. HPVs associated with the development of such "common warts" are transmitted...
Hello everyone,
I am coming on to this site because I was officially diagnosed with low risk HPV yesterday. The experience was surreal and I almost had a panic attack while sitting alone in the examing room. My doctor came in and read my results to me. I got test for everything and came back negative except for HPV. At one point he said "The good news is that you came back undetected for HPV that causes cancer". I thought to myself Good news? There is no good news here. About 3 weeks ago I discovered warts around my anus. It was only a couple at first and as I stressed about having genital warts (yes I autodiagnosed) they multiplied. A week ago I went into urgent car to get it looked at and have the tests done. Prelim visual diagnosis from the doctor was warts. That is going to be with me for life and this has several implications.
I waited a week and went back yesterday for results, wart removal and Gardasil (which THANKFULLY my insurance covers. I have been so down since finding the warts and yesterday was my breaking point. I was composed until I sat alone in my car after the consultation and cried. I feel so stupid and guilty for a handful of careless decision that ultimately got me here. I felt to ashamed and for the past three weeks disgusted with myself.
I've never been super confident in myself but have experienced sucessful in my life. I am so ashamed of this that I have decided to continue my practice (now for life) in finding joy in things other than having aromantic relationship. The only person I would ever trust with this would be someone I knew I wanted to share my life with. I am not sure that marriage is for me but I wondered How does one even know when we have met the one? You dont... you have to date and get to know each other and today that also means having a sexual relationship. I am not willing to admit my condition to anyone so I have opted to just not pursue that part of my life.
I am just having a very difficult time coping. I feel disgusted with myself. I feel that if those around me knew would feel disgust as well. I cant even bring myself to talk to my family about it. I'm just so ashamed and like a let my mom down. She is such an amazing woman, such a fighter and my rock. I make her proud in other ways and she feels so fulfilled in the person that I have become. I just dont want her to feel bad for me or share my pain. I want to deal alone and be ok with being alone. I act normal with friend and enjoy my life. I have just closed the "love" area which is ok since I always thought marriage wasnt for me. I cant stop thinking about how much I regret the decision that lead me here and how nasty this is.
I am coming on to this site because I was officially diagnosed with low risk HPV yesterday. The experience was surreal and I almost had a panic attack while sitting alone in the examing room. My doctor came in and read my results to me. I got test for everything and came back negative except for HPV. At one point he said "The good news is that you came back undetected for HPV that causes cancer". I thought to myself Good news? There is no good news here. About 3 weeks ago I discovered warts around my anus. It was only a couple at first and as I stressed about having genital warts (yes I autodiagnosed) they multiplied. A week ago I went into urgent car to get it looked at and have the tests done. Prelim visual diagnosis from the doctor was warts. That is going to be with me for life and this has several implications.
I waited a week and went back yesterday for results, wart removal and Gardasil (which THANKFULLY my insurance covers. I have been so down since finding the warts and yesterday was my breaking point. I was composed until I sat alone in my car after the consultation and cried. I feel so stupid and guilty for a handful of careless decision that ultimately got me here. I felt to ashamed and for the past three weeks disgusted with myself.
I've never been super confident in myself but have experienced sucessful in my life. I am so ashamed of this that I have decided to continue my practice (now for life) in finding joy in things other than having aromantic relationship. The only person I would ever trust with this would be someone I knew I wanted to share my life with. I am not sure that marriage is for me but I wondered How does one even know when we have met the one? You dont... you have to date and get to know each other and today that also means having a sexual relationship. I am not willing to admit my condition to anyone so I have opted to just not pursue that part of my life.
I am just having a very difficult time coping. I feel disgusted with myself. I feel that if those around me knew would feel disgust as well. I cant even bring myself to talk to my family about it. I'm just so ashamed and like a let my mom down. She is such an amazing woman, such a fighter and my rock. I make her proud in other ways and she feels so fulfilled in the person that I have become. I just dont want her to feel bad for me or share my pain. I want to deal alone and be ok with being alone. I act normal with friend and enjoy my life. I have just closed the "love" area which is ok since I always thought marriage wasnt for me. I cant stop thinking about how much I regret the decision that lead me here and how nasty this is.
You do not have to shut out love but instead go with what you said, only tell the person you would trust, the person you want to share your life with. Times have changed and sex is considered the norm in most relationships but not in every single one. You can date, get to know someone, fall in love, and grow to trust someone to the point that you believe equally that you are the one for each other. I also decided not to look for love. I blocked it out for over 2-3 years. It was lonely. I felt like no one could accept or love me with this. In the end, I didn't need to begin to love someone else to be happy and accept my status, I had to learn to love myself despite my status. It takes time but it is possible.
I felt disgusted and still do at times. I have yet to tell my family and never plan to unless necessary. My best friend, ex (the one who gave it to me) and my boyfriend know and that is it. I do not plan to tell anyone else because I do not feel it is necessary. I rather not tell my mom because it will stress her out. I would advise not telling your mom.
My best advice is that you need to not blame yourself, don't stress out, don't hate yourself, do not feel disgusted, but most of all, love yourself. It takes time to heal and be accepting. It was not easy to tell my boyfriend but I did. He loved me still and never judged me for it. When we got together, I told him I was abstinent for my own personal reasons such as our friendship. We had been friends for about 7 years by then. Love and marriage is possible. There are people out there who will accept you for your status and not judge you. It is just the beginning. The future ahead of you is not easy but hating yourself is not going to make it better. I have been in your shoes. I still work on loving myself and not stressing out about it. It is a constant work in progress but if you do not work on it, you will not be able to be happy with life and love yourself the way you deserve to be. Things will get better IF you work on it and let it happen.
What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. You become stronger in your reasoning, you learn how to empathise with people who have STD and other terminal diseases. You learn how to understand what is in your body and what you must do to get rid of it.
Don't give up. Fight the good fight. Put up a fight, at least. Don't ever get down. Sure, there are stories of people not recovering from HPV, but there are also victors in this battle whom we can look upon as inspiration.
Some in this forum are happily married, and some of us are happily attached with a girl/boyfriend. So yeah, why not you? It's tough now. When I first had HPV, I thought it was the end of the world. I was negative the whole time. Then I realised, it was time to stop feeling sulking and blaming myself or my ex. Instead, take this fight to a whole new level.
You're not alone!
I want to thank you so much for you words. While reading them tears came to my eyes. I take comfort in knowing that I am not alone and many other people are fighting this too. I hope we can all be rid of this virus and be able to fight it off. I know I have very difficult days ahead of me and its difficult not to dwell and feel guilt and disgust for yourself. But life does go on. I have to admit I had a very difficult time focusing at work because this was all I could think about. I trust wished I was home researching and reading support groups vs. working.
I feel like I am slowly leading down the road of depression but I am determined to fight it. I have been reading about being able to some how rid your body of the virus by having a healthy immune system. I decided to take this as a challenge. I got a burst (small burst) of happiness after visiting the vitamin shoppe. I bought an immune complex, vitamin C, vitamin E, Tea tree oil and a liquid B-complex.
I am also going to definitely take on the half marathon challenge I have had on my mind for years. I like to exercise and was blessed with a new loving and caring boss that respects your personal life (I am coming out of the worst 8 weeks of my life thanks to 2 women who have made my professional life impossible)
I am in a little physical pain. I had an acid application for the warts on Saturday and my skin is now peeling. I think it is too soon to tell if the warts are starting to get smaller but the area arkened alot. The peeling skin is now pink and I opted for topical vitamin E to sooth. Well lets see how all of this plays out.
Thanks again for your kind words and for even caring enough to answer and relate.
You gotta take some steps to protecting yourself. Right now, take comfort in knowing that you are not the only one on this battlefield. Take comfort to know that you aren't alone. You got us, and to be honest, a lot more people who aren't on the forum have HPV and they're part of the good fight too.
I realised, from my perspective. HPV is not something to be afraid of. Yes, it is at first. Oh wow, whoever wanted to see such ugly stuff on their bodies? But when you accept that you have it, the next step is beating it.
This is not cancer, or AIDS. People with cancer or AIDS have it much worse than us. So we are still able to win this battle. We can beat it, some of the people here recovered. I have not, I'm having this for 2 years or so...but I'm still gonna fight it. I'll put up a good fight and beat this ****ing thing!
I also wanted to tell you guys that I woke up feeling good and my mood during the day was generally good too. I think the combo of Vitamins was a good choice. Thanks again for your kind words :)