I joined DS in the fall of 2009. My life has weaved in and out of the valleys and mountains of moving forward as has every survivor of loss. After reading a reply from Comfortablynumb to a post from Sharon entitled "A Gift." I wanted to weigh in regarding surviving loss, discovering a degree of contentment with my new normal, entering a totally different social status, and, last but certainly not least, allowing myself to love another.

Comfortablynumb summed it up when she said that it is, indeed, a "formidable task." A task handed to us without the option of refusal. My husband had a heart attack and passed from this earth in 2005. At that time, I had the responsibility of completing a house that we had recently built. It took another year to finish what should have taken a couple of months, and there was a small family business that our daughters and I managed during the spring months. With over a 100-acre farm to manage, working full time, managing the small business in the spring, and overseeing the completion of the house, part of my grieving process and finding out what was really happening in my life was delayed by a few years. When I finally took a breath—and found DS—I could finally articulate what my heart was feeling; it was 2009. DS provided such a safe haven for me, giving me the opportunity to put into words my emotions.

All this to say is that those months of busyness might have delayed the grieving process but they also permitted me time to sort through where I was headed, what I wanted for my future, and to consider whether my heart could endure love and possible loss again. Inch by inch, day by day, I found laughter, friendships, anticipation, blessings, and hope once again. In my 2nd year, an acquaintance invited me to dinner; I went and had a lovely time but cried all the way home. That was my sign—at least for then—that I was not ready to enter the dating world. I believe we widows/widowers intuitively know when we are able to deal with certain aspects of life, but when the right time arrives, we move ahead with a new point of view toward so many things. Being on our own and scratching toward that new normal, I believe we see life from a panoramic view. That view at times is magnificent with ever so many possibilities; however, that view also can be terrifying.

My DS friends, I'm rambling a bit but it is a meager attempt to say, "hang on" even when the faltering seems to overwhelm our newly found confidence. The pain of loss eventually gives way to a new life, some new friends, and possibly a new person who shares our life. Since that day in July 2005, my prayer has been that I not waste what I'm learning through my loss. If I've become more sensitive, I strive to use that in a positive manner. If I've become impatient due to learning the hard way not to take things for granted, I strive to use that to encourage others to see what wonderful blessings they have before them. If when I became overcome with self-pity, I strive to remember what I was permitted to enjoy for a time. I think you get my drift: I wanted to have an "attitude of gratitude" as it was far better for my morale and thoughts for my new future. Have I achieved my goal? Hardly, but I keep plugging away at it.

I'm not sure how many of you remember seeing my post entitled "When I Least Expected It," but love did enter my life once again. After 7 1/2 years, on January 5, 2013, I married a wonderful man (a DS member with the username, Daninmn [posted honeymoon pic 6.22.2013]). Our relationship formed through a few online comments to posts, grew into a friendship, and ended (or shall I say began) with nuptials. We were both married for 40 plus years, and we know we will be doing good to have 15 (maybe more; maybe less) years together to enjoy what we call our unlikely blessing. Sooooo, we are on the "fast track" of love and are muddling through the adjustments, loving the surprises, and planning a wonderful trip into the sunset! Now that word "planning" can be a problem—as we all know. We now try to plan but take each day as it comes. We scaled the mountain and well remember the pitfalls of loss. May God grant us all what we individually need to focus positively on our new futures. As for Dan and I, there have been changes galore in our lives, but then there were massive changes that came with our losses. We are trying to "not sweat the small stuff (sometimes easier said than done)."

Parmala's posts, as well as countless others who have shared, have been so spot on, recounting the many phases of this journey we all have in common. Transitioning from one stage of life to another is never an easy task—singleness to married life, the lighthearted early years of marriage to the embedding of hopes and dreams from one heart to another, and then the finality of loss which is the greatest transition of all. My DS friends, we have experienced the cycle of love and life, AND we're still on that perpetual treadmill. I'm grateful that lessons both helpful and painful have been kindly shared, giving DSers a "leg up" when encountering those grief monsters that would hamper our confidence and growth. In my book, we are indeed survivors of the most brutal pain as well as conquerors of heart-shattering fear—living life after loss. To quote a contemporary adage that describes us best: "We've come a long way, Baby"! Blessings to you. TJ