My question would be. Do you want to get involved with someone that is clearly thousands of miles away from you? Have you wondered about how you would handle a relationship with him being that distance? Or are you really just wanting to have fun and have great company? The only reason I guess I ask this is because it's not like he can hop in his car and pop in. Lol. And my other concern is Valentines Day. Are you sure you are ready to be with someone else on this day? My heart worries for you, I know it's weird because I have never met you, but I am just concerned. I understand the having fun and the company. I guess I'm torn, because part of me understands what you are doing, but the other part of me is concerned because he is not like within driving range.

Hello Mel, I'd say don't worry about the money issue, obviously John can afford all this so you should not feel guilty on that account.

As SS103, I am more concerned about the distance between you two. I suppose you have thought about what would happen if the relationship was going a step further. I know from experience that is not easy and involves a lot of heartache as these countries are so far apart. I know it is premature to think like that, typical Papagena, the cart before the horses.

He certainly appears to be quite committed to do all this travelling so if you feel you are ready to spend a Valentine day with him, leave the guilt at home. You are a free woman, try to enjoy yourself.

I've never had a long distance relationship so I don't know what to expect. Because of that, I can't fathom what the next step would be. He is willing to travel. I would be dead tired but it's what he wants to do.
So, what is the heartache, besides the time difference and the obvious lack of physical closeness?
Thanks to you both! I have thought about Valentines Fay but I believe I will be distracted by bright lights and shows. :)

i think the trip sounds like fun! you have agreed to go. He obviously is willing to take a risk with the expense, so relax about the money and enjoy the fun. You like traveling. Agree it would be a lot of missing one another if you really begin to take the relationship to the next level. But if that happens i still would say enjoy. there are so few opportunities to just enjoy life!!!! I know the only thing i wonder is will this be your first Valentines Day without your late husband? I know for me no matter what i have done special days and the emotions that come along with them still throw me off balance. But I hope you have a wonderful trip! its not very far off and the anticipation in itself sounds exciting

I think that you need to remember the last trip. You had some good times and some not so good times. You were in your in your city - therefore giving you the chance to go home or call someone for help when you wanted to leave.
When going to Vegas you are not in your own territory.
All that being said you do need to take you own money, or credit card. You never know if or when you will need money or what situation will come up.
I think that you should be able to date and have a good time. If everything looks and feels good to you go and have a good time.

Oh Mel, like others said, I am conflicted about what to say. It sounds like fun, but I'm cautious so I probably wouldn't go. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't go though. Heck, I'm so nuts I insisted on dutch treat for my first couple of dates. I just have this thing with not wanting to be indebted to someone I barely know.

Do what you choose. Following your dream. But make sure that you can get yourself home if necessary without depending totally on him. Good luck. Sharon

I am probably one of the most independent women in the world, making me very difficult to live with. I WILL DO IT! MY WAY! People have learned that's just how I am and it's not necessarily a bad thing. I would never put myself in a situation where I am totally dependent on another person. I have money, I am a squirrel, putting it away for the future. I can take care of myself. And If I need time away from him, I can say it. I think when he was here before, the "not so good" included Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years Eve and New Years Day stress and family and friends mourning. LOTS of stress!!!!!
Valentines Day is the last first holiday and then there is the anniversary.
I will survive those two. I've survived the others.
I'm at a point where I want to have fun, enjoy life, and just take time when I hurt. I will take the time to heal, but life goes on.
And you only live once. Why not live?
Sharon, I wonder where that comes from that you are feeling "indebted" to someone if they pay for you..... I never feel indebted. My friends and I pay back and forth all the time! Nobody owes anybody anything.

I was an ocean of tears my first Valentines Day. I was a LOT more vulnerable than I ever realized and I tried to push myself ahead way further than I was ready to go because I was so sick of grieving and feeling so alone and heartbroken for so long. I of course am not you. We are all different people with different time lines. It just seems that he is ready to move ahead with "your relationship with him" when you have not had the chance yet to emotionally move beyond the relationship with your late husband. That's the work of grieving....to move from the emotional and physical relationship to the spiritual relationship that you will always have. It is a process that takes lots of time...but yes...different time for different people....I have to admit.

The second thing is a long distance relationship has it's own ups and downs. Distance means that you can have a vacation like relationship always placing your best foot forward whenever you are together. It's like living on the honeymoon every time you get together...but not living the day to day part.

Just know that it is totally different being there with each other on good days, bad days, healthy days, sick days etc...

You are a very strong person and will make your own choices based on who you are...not on who the rest of us are...which is the way it should be.

Good luck no matter what choices you make along the way...

hugs...
-Diana

Coming from years of wisdom and working in the legal field I wonder why this person isn't seeking someone closer to home and why he is so willing to immediately spend all sorts of money so you can be together. It is great he finds you so special but it is just very unusual. Walk with care. My red flags are aflying.

Different strokes for different folks, for some Valentine is just a dinner with a red strawberries and chocolates, for others it is a more symbolic event that signifies celebration of love, devotion, commitment It depends what meaning it has for you.

You don't strike me as a naive and vulnerable; from your narration everything is going according to your grand plan. Nonetheless, as far as his overly ardent efforts to travel over the pond to visit a practically total stranger, I would explore a possible ulterior motive .

Sometimes people want to move to another place, and having a "relationship" is the only way to get it done legally. Realistically speaking, If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

From my past experience working with the immigration services, and seeing many dramas unfold, I would have ruled this possibility out first before defining it as a romance.

Yet, I would not worry much, seems like you are in a driver seat. so enjoy the lavish treatment, and tell here about it, so others can indulge in it vicariously.
Bon Voyage

He is an American. Not German. Born in Connecticut. :) he is moving as slow as I want him to move. And, yes, I will move slow. It is who I am. I was with my late husband for 7 years before we got married. I will let y'all know how it goes. I'm excited! It will be a fun trip!
We are both working through our grief at different paces. The physical part of my relationship with my late husband has been long gone. The emotional part close on its heels. I am fine with being alone. I get lonely but I get through it.
I'm enjoying the relationship I have with John. I'm enjoying learning about myself and being humbled about who I really am. I like me. I'm a pretty good person. At first, I was afraid of my own shadow, then I was afraid of me. Now, I'm pretty confident that I can make mistakes but I won't make huge mistakes. They are fixable.
And I can enjoy life!

Let me add, yes, I still hurt, I still miss my late husband and I struggle with being a single parent. I am the best I can be and I give everything in my life, my all!
I was blessed to have Mike in my life. I was blessed to be loved like I was. I was blessed to be his wife and mother of his children. He will always have that part of me! My heart....

It looked as if you were seeking an advice or an opinion since there were several sentences in your writing ending with a question mark.

Apparently it was not the case, and it was just a peek preview of another episode of the day time serial that supposed to evoke an intrigue and cheering response exclusively.
It became clear now that an opinion, especially the one that examines the rationale, or differs is not welcomed.
My concerns must be reserved for someone who is sincerely seeking another perspective.
Take care

I was seeking advice and opinions. But, like all advice and opinions, we take what we can use and leave what we can't. Nobody can live my life for me but they can help me with advice and opinions. Don't get ruffled.

This site is for encouraging and helping each other; self indulgent soap opera does not "ruffle" , it just does a disservice to those who are actually seeking help.