People say age doesn't matter but it does to me .I'm 57 and i had a girl at 30 wanting to move in with me and spend the rest of her life with me..I didn't think so. that was just way to young for me. so what i think is at first i was thinking 5 years older to 5 years younger was good. but after a while I went with 5 years older and 10 years younger is ok. i have been finding so many people who have been with people 20 years apart. anyway that's what I'm going by.

I know that most people here have said that age does matter...again, I have to say it is personality and interests more than age. I have been dating an 19 year old college freshman for about 2 weeks. I am having a blast. We have fun together....we have gone bowling, dancing, rock climbing. We have also gone to the ballet and to the movies and out to grab burgers and to a wonderful meal at the Melting Pot. We both know that we are friends with benefits....he is not the love of my life.....I am not who he is going to take home to mom....I'm older than she is. He is dating college girls too, but says he loves spending time with me because I'm not a beezie and I actually listen to him and support his dreams. It will end and we will both be better for the experience....one day sooner or later he will find a nice girl and want to get serious and I will support that. In the meantime....we are enjoying each other's company. I know that this is not everyone's cup of tea, it may sound shallow....but it is working for me....when we are together I feel 18 and that isn't all bad...again, just giving my opinion here.

Jerry and I met in college, and ''grew up'' together during our 39 plus years together - he was a year older than me. We shared all of life together. After thinking about it, for me, it's important to be with someone who has also gone through similar life experiences. I am listening to a book called ''The Third Chapter'' and agreeing with the premise that I, (63) am entering a new ''phase'' in my life - retirement, aging and senior years. This new phase can be exciting and rewarding, and filled with many new opportunities, and be a chance to experience and learn many new things - I am excited by it, and would want someone to share this with me because that's the place I'm in right now and I'm looking forward to my Third Chapter.

As far as the illness issue - to me , loving someone and caring about them means in sickness and in health. I would expect the same, and realize that ''shit happens'' to young people as well as old people. I know and appreciate how short our lives are, and the unpredictability of our lives - all the more reason to love as much and as long as you can right now. I try to live in the present, and not dwell on the future too much because I just can't worry and need to live every day like it's my last. Always have M&M's stocked up though - ha ha ha.

I also believe that love just happens and can't be manipulated or ''worked out''. Bam! If you have to plot and worry, it's not going to work. I realize that negotiation and compromise is needed, especially when you are older, but love should be joyful and easy, and you just KNOW you love someone. Bring it on!!!!!

Kim,

My opinion on what you wrote may not be what you want to hear. I think I am young at heart and feel young in body at 54. But a 19 year old is still a child, especially in this era when there is a phenomenon of prolonged adolescence. I have three 20-somethings, and I would be so sad to see them involved with a person who was more than double their age.

Every moment he spends with you he is missing out on an age appropriate experience he should be having with someone closer to his own age--someone who shares a cultural context and is trying to figure out how to become an adult just like he is. I had a similar age-imbalanced relationship at his age, and now I view the person who used me to feel 18 again (because that's exactly what he did) as being selfish and manipulative. Harsh words--yes. Because I felt I was cheated, and robbed of precious time I should've spent learning how to be a woman with a young man my own age. It hurt me in the long run.

Just giving my particular perspective.

Amy

Kim,

I'm going to keep this short. You're a grown woman... of a certain age.... I noticed you mentioned earlier you don't have children. Okay, so you've never been a mother. But surely if you actually try to you can imagine for a moment how this young kids parents would feel if they knew you were dating their young impressionable child. For the record, I happen to have a college age son who is twenty. If I found out someone your age was "dating" and having sex with him well I won't even say how that would pan out for that person. Hopefully you will consider that what you are doing to and with him is NOT in his best interest.

As Amy has mentioned above the person you met, the one you are having so much fun with. You are stealing his youth It is manipulative to use someone for what you wish you had. Go have fun with someone who is an adult. For a middle age woman that would be someone whose cerebral coretex has fully developed. Which for the record does not occur until the ripe old age of twenty five.

Please stop what you are doing. It is not only shallow, it is emotionally destructive to him whether he recognizes it or not. You should recognize it. If you have any doubt, ask to meet his mother who you say younger than yourself and see if she is cool with it.

Seems that most men in their 50's go for women in their 30's so I'm about to give up! lol

I think if there is too much difference it puts people at different life stages. There are some single women at my church that are quite a bit ;younger than me but they all have young children. I'm past that stage, and am at the grown children/new grand parent stage. Am I over thinking this?

Jeannieiam I think it was on a TV show but I heard a woman say that dating when you're older that all the men we're either 1. gay 2. broken or 3. chasing younger women.

I love my age, my son is an adult, independent, mature, so now I am really able to focus on my life.
Becoming single, albeit involuntary, meaning spending more time with those friends, who are also single. Many of them younger, both male and female. While I enjoy spending some time with them, especially physical activites, such as walks, dance, galleries hopping, but mentally it can be draining, because I adapt to their level. Therefore, I make sure and maintain my relationship with older folks too; I like the "been there, done that" wisdom that comes from communicating with my older friends.
As far as choosing a partner, I want someone whom I admire, respect, and who completes me. This comes with life experiences, triumphs and tribulations, and coming out of it stronger. I have met one like that, but was not ready to built a new relationship. It was too early in my grief, my emotions were in turmoil., so I honestly told him, I wasn't ready.
More importantly, a right man makes me feel, look, and act my best. and this is the most important to me.
I'm seeing male companions casually, having more like friendship, not a romantic type relationship, but enjoy their attention, and it is nice to have company going to the movies or a museum.
Having a dinner date this week, getting cold feet, because I like the guy, and I definitely know he likes me.but I am very anxious

Thanks for all the advice. It is truly wonderful to be able to get so much advice from so many with different views. I have met a wonderful man, he is 56 and I am 52, so age difference not that bad. His first wife died in a car accident therefore he understands about where I am coming from. His second wife decided she no longer wanted to be married. He has (2) children in school right now so that sorta bothered me as I have grandkids but that doesn't bother him. I can talk about John all I want and he encourages me too. He feels at home in my house and I feel at home in his. Tomorrow I will be going to meet his Mother and the family we shall see how this goes. I know it seems strange but we have been talking for 6 weeks only dating for almost 3 weeks and have seen each other every day. He lives 40 minutes away but that doesn't bother him if I need anything he is on the road and at my house. He is truly a wonderful guy. I don't know how this will end up but I am truly taking it one day at a time, because now I feel like there may be a possibility at happiness in my future. Thanks again for all the advice. Andree'

I hope it works out for you Andree. It sounds good.

It is all in what you are comfortable with. Usually, someone close to your age should be at about the same stage in life, kids, grandkids, etc, you will most likely be going through alot of the same things. I also agree with not wanting to go through losing someone again, so the younger the better perhaps. My husband was a year older than me, and that was perfect for us. I am now dating a man 6 years younger (i am 33, he is 27). Age is usually not a concern for us, though he likes to tease me about being older. There is somewhat of a maturity difference, but that is perfect for me now. He isn't quite ready for marriage, but that has given me time to heal and to grow with him. I have a 3 yr old son that he treats like his own. We have a lot of things in common and if this continues like i think and hope it will, we should last a long time together.

I may not be the best one to offer advise, but here it is for what's it's worth. First I was married for 37 yrs and lost my husband 1yr. 2mo. ago. I really haven't thought too much about the whole age thing. I am a young 55 and would most likely want to date someone who would be within 5 yrs. either way of my age. It just makes sense to me to have mutually common interests and life experiences. I think if we all look into our heart we KNOW right from wrong and who we should be with when and if the time comes. Here's to all of you finding joy and happiness in your future. I am not there yet but well on the road, I think.

Wow, I hope this works out for you!! It sounds good. And for what it is worth, my hubby was one year older than me and died suddenly. My new guy is 2 years older than me, I'm 47, he is 49. We have a lot in common, our children are around the same age, we like the same music, we share the same memories of the 70's and 80's.....so I have to say that a guy around my age is preferable. But, I think it all depends on how you feel, how he makes you feel, and if you are happy. Be happy, find joy, and I hope you find all that love and laughter you are looking for....we all deserve to have that again.