I really like this,,you will know you are a success when you stop asking yourself that question!
I agree with you Rania!
Maybe the questioning is an insecurity of what we accomplish, and once we stop and accept what we do,,we will succeed!
Seems like if we do what we love, and can do well, there is no question?
And doesnt matter about not having much "material", if you are at peace, that is better,,that would be success!
I think you should be proud you are still standing and caring, and loving. You have bended with the challenges and did not break!

I like what both of you said regarding "fitting in" & "success"

any other thoughts on this?

I don't think that "fitting in" and "success" necessarily go hand in hand.

In many aspects I would say I am a success. And I am fine with not fitting in, but sometimes wish I could somewhere, it's just that being liked and accepted thing, but I don't have to be part of the crowd just for the sake of it, and it was just like that in school...but back then it was more painful and lonely as I didn't know how to embrace my individual self and it has been only in my adult years I have learned about myself and have become more confident with how I am and not see that anything is 'wrong' with me.

And success depends on your own perception of what you deem a 'success' or successful. For me I don't think success = money. No. Just like you guys said it's not about having the 'material'

For some success could mean building a growing business and making a pile of money. to others success maybe a man who lives humbly and has little material posessions but he has the respect and love of his wife and children.
another version of what success means to me can be someone having a goal in mind and actually fulfilling that goal....even if it is something simple, and finishing the task would be a success to me, even if it fails, it's the 'going' for it that can still make you a success.
with that being said...I always feel that I have been more successful if I have completed a task, beginning something and not finishing would be a fail to me.....though when I look at others who think that they have failed or not a success I would say 'hey at least you went for it...' so I think I am my worse critic....because I don't say that to myself...."at least I went for it...."

I think I am a success as I have been through a lot of tribulation in life and have still come out the other side alive. I have love in my heart and I am loved by others and I know who I am now more than I ever have in my life and I like what I see about myself more than I ever have in my life...and I am still on the journey, I am a success because I have never given up.....
and maybe the fact that we are all here alive, surviving, that we are "fitting in"

so here's my take on this so far.....

success doesn't = big
success doesn't = money
success doesn't = acceptance from all
success doesn't = 'fitting in'

Not "fitting in" = ok
Not "fitting in" does not = failure

I don't equate fitting in with success, either. I just felt the sentiment was the same. Just like I told my brother you know you are a success when you no longer ask yourself that question. I think you feel the same about fitting in when you stop worrying about fitting in.

I think we are very conditioned to look at success as a certain something. I think we are also conditioned that we should fit in. The fact is, you are right, naturegirl, this is the perception of the individual....I just think a lot of people aren't as accepting of themselves as they should be due to all this conditioning we recieve that we should see things a certain way. It makes me sad. I see the most amazing people suffering so much because they don't fit in or don't do what they think they should with their lives. And I always just sit there going, but you're such a beautiful and amazing person!

I gottya...yes. I understand what you mean......the feel of trying to fit in because of the social pressure, especially back in school days.....painful, sad and I felt like an outcast and as an adult it can still feel that way at times but It's true what you say, as soon as you let go of 'trying' to fit in and not worry about it and not worry whether someone likes you or accepts you .....you have a sense of freedom.....I like being a free spirit.

There is a lot of pressure today to be achievers...to strive for something bigger..better...and there is almost this sense of guilt people may have if they "don't do what they think they should with their lives".and a sense of failure if we haven't done something 'significant' ....like for me for instance....I think I could have done way more with my life....felt I have lost chances and don't feel I have achieved much but perhaps that is a distorted point of view and not accurate at all......

and I thank you Raniagale for your reminder for us to accept ourselves, to see that we are beautiful amazing people. and it is true people do endure a kind of 'suffering' if there is no self acceptance, in fact it can be self destructive, it can be heartbreaking and perhaps it is due to one's upbringing, social and media pressure....that we create such high expectations of ourselves sometimes. In fact a neighbor of mine who is like a friend too, she was feeling down this one day and I asked what it was, she said that she felt she could be doing more with her life.....and i told her she does way more than she could imagine, in fact she has been helpful to me on more than one occasion....and she does so much for her daughter, her grandsons, her in laws....she is a very giving person and she doesn't see the value in what she does......and how her actions impact others in a positive way, and that is the thing....some of us may not value what we do, and we could be loving, giving, kind people....and for some of us....it is never enough, we don't see it...

And I have been one of those sufferers for many years and know what you are saying....i have berated myself very much and I use to think myself as 'selfish' and I was crying one day and said this about myself, and my husband told me that I am one of the 'lease selfish people he has ever known' and I couldn't see it....but he pointed out to me what i do....and accepting myself is something I have been working on this for the past couple of years, I do see myself with more 'kinder' eyes and am more loving and accepting of myself than I use to be and so I join with you in helping others to do this too.

My turn to tell you that you are such a beautiful and amazing person.

This post on "fitting in" as it relates to "success" to me seems to be about leaving the the power of the Ego ( Ambition) behind and moving to a life of meaning ....I have recently read :

The Shift -- Taking Your Life from Ambition to Meaning by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer â the book that was inspired by the movie of the same nameâillustrates how and why to make the move from ambition to meaning.

As we contemplate leaving the morning of our life, where ego has played a commanding role, and entering the afternoon (and evening), where meaning and purpose replace ambition and struggle, we may encounter unexpected occurrences that accompany this new direction. Itâs almost a universal law that weâll experience a fall of some kind. Yet these falls or low points provide the energy we need to move away from ego and into a life of meaning and purpose.

The Shift doesnât mean that we lose our drive and ambition; it signifies that we become ambitious about something new. We make a commitment to living a life based on experiencing meaning and feeling purposeful, rather than a life based on never-ending demands and false promises that are the trademark of the egoâs agenda.

I used to worry about quote fitting in,but,all I did,was let myself down,so now,I just worry about myself,and how I am doing..I have high expectations,and when I feel,I can't,or don't reach them,then,I'm hard on myself..

I feel that sometimes we regard the kind of communication that non-HSP's appreciate too highly. We usually strive for a complete thought. They often jump from topic to topic, idea to idea, constantly changing their flow of thought. I feel that our method of communication is simply different than theirs. If we want to fit in, all we have to do is adapt to their way of talking. Its not fulfilling in the least, to my way of thinking, but is just the way many of them are. It is often regarded as a positive thing to be at ease in social situations, even if it means putting on a less serious, less intense persona.

I feel like sometimes they just talk to mask their inner discomfort at long silence, which seems to come from a kind of insecurity at being judged for not bringing anything to the plate. It all relates back to that political way of thinking. Though I don't want to conform to be accepted, I feel that there is definitely a place for us - among our own kind ideally.

What we mistake as not fitting in may simply be honesty and desire to be genuine. Some abhor being fake, trite, political, and judgmental, and saying little is really the only recourse in situations where ego would otherwise dominate. I feel that this often results in empty and meaningless conversations that can render any real companionship and conversation null.

rebeccarowen, thank you for sharing your wisdom ... very very helpful.

rebeccarowen - you hit the nail on the head with your post! Thank you! I, too, cannot talk just to talk. I find 'social' conversations to be very boring, trivial, gossipy, uninteresting, etc. What I want in a conversation is depth and clarity (and a person who is willing to be on my level). And, if the other person is an HSP'er, then even no conversation or silence for any extended period of time is ok with me - because I understand.

I have often joked and said that we HSP'ers could be in a room together, in complete silence, not because we don't want to talk or dislike each other, it's because it's just us being us. I think we would find this situation heavenly at times! I guess a library reading room would be a delight. We're with our own kind! When it is time to talk, we will; otherwise, we are all in our own little worlds and that is ok - we all know each other there.

Great post Eyes, I have read lots of Dr. Dyers work. I've read The Shift and also watch this excellent movie. Dr. Dyer continues to inspire me. His work has helped lead me to acceptance. Acceptance of I am comes from within. Success to me will never again be based on how big my house is, how much money I earn, what kind of car I drive, what I do for a living or what dress size I am. I am working on accepting myself as I am each day. FIbromyalgia, and having to give up my life as I knew it has been sign post.

This is great topic. I have often sat back and watched the world go from topic to topic, just waiting to interject something important. It is awkward for me, i would rather have a deep conversation with one person, than talk about recipes, are what are you wearing tomorrow. I feel like a salmon swimming down a stream so often. I hurt for a honest thought provoking discussion, without the fluff. I am not saying i dont have a sense of humor, I do, but my humor is different. Not at the expense of others
I remember being in highschool, at a sleep over, watching thei other girls playing practical jokes on other girls. Thinking why? I saw right then, I wasn't the same as them. I didn't see the humor in hurting others.
It hurt me to see it. I guess i took it too serious, now i know why. Being highly sensitive.
I love to watch funny movies, where people do funny things to each other, but I know its scripted.
Real life is not scripted, and can cause real harm. I am so glad, I have found a place to get these feelings out, around people who understand. Its real hard to deal with them alone.

herbertbr - you have found your Home! I like what you wrote. It rings true for me also. I, too, have a great sense of humor, but not at the expense of hurting someone else. I think we HSP'ers are like that. Things that other people find funny, I do not. An example of a tv show is "American's Funniest Home videos - what is so funny about people getting hurt? That is not humorous to me - that is serious. Sure, there are funny ones but not at the risk of injury, etc.

To make fun of someone who is different is not funny to me because I feel their hurt and pain and humiliation. You are right about scripted movies but even then it can hit home with me and make me squirm. Granted, people may audition for shows and this is shown but watching them make fools of themselves is uncomfortable for me. To me, that is sad - not funny.

You have found a place here where you can talk. We all understand. We have all been there.