Highly Sensitive People HSP Community Group
The highly sensitive person (or HSP) is someone who cares deeply about everything ... feels emotions with great intensity ... is highly conscientious ... has a rich and complex inner life ... is very intuitive ... is often creative in a variety of ways... is easily overwhelmed and/or overstimulated. A HSP needs lots of quiet time,space, and freedom. If this sounds...
I wrote a similar message as a parent regarding dealing with my son, but also wanted to post here in general.
I am not sure if I am just a very abstract person and really not very clear, but I have a lot of difficulty in communicating with some people (includng my son) because they get hung up on the details and to me that is just really not the point of what I'm saying.
A simple example from dealing with my son: I have a chart of chores. If you do what is expected, there are no losses, no gains. So, if you keep your space (room) clean and pick up behind yourself (put your plate in the dishwasher each night), it is all good. If you do way more than expected (clean the baseboards with a toothbursh let's say) then you earn something. If you do less than normal expectactions (your room is a disaster and you can't rinse and load one plate per day) you lose something. Seems clear and fair enough to to me! (I actually did have it more clear than this seems - losing phone, TV, computer, outside activities for losses and gaining game time, family time, etc. for gains for a certain amount of points).
So, I am mom and I'm aware what is happening (mostly) in my household. My son wants to spend the night with his cousin, but I'm aware his room is so-so, and maybe most nights he's loaded a dish, but maybe not every night. So, I say, no, you can't spend the night with your cousin.
My son is very prone to going into full "lawyer" mode (and I hope he becomes one, or a diplomat or something!) describing to me in great detail that the amount of work he did that week was 56.789% of the total amount of work expected and that based on my chart, only 55.345% was expected work and therefore he is 1.444% above what was expected....
And I'm not kidding...he really (far as I know in his head) went 3 decimal places!!! I found his argument amazingly charming, was really impressed with his ability with math and so forth...the fact remained that I'm not silly...I know how much my kids have or have not done in a week! So I explained this to him, that perhaps mom's math is off on the chart, but I'm not blind and see what he has or has not done.
So, okay, that situation worked out because I am mom and I'm not stupid.
That being said, this happens to me on a very adult level with other adults....where my feelings get overridden by some type of logic that I cannot defy....logically.
So after a similar incident with my son this evening...my daughter and I were discussing this and we both agreed that what really irritates us is that no matter the logic, we know that these people are really smart. Smart enough to really KNOW what our point is. So...are they pushing our buttons, do they really need THAT much clarity...or are we really just that unclear to everyone else on earth!? If I mention a toad, does it matter if it's really a frog? Or if I mention a turtle, does it matter if it is really a tortoise?
I'm really not sure. Maybe this is a personal problem for me. Maybe I just don't see it. I see it more as a power play, but I don't like to judge...so???? What are your thoughts?
I am not sure if I am just a very abstract person and really not very clear, but I have a lot of difficulty in communicating with some people (includng my son) because they get hung up on the details and to me that is just really not the point of what I'm saying.
A simple example from dealing with my son: I have a chart of chores. If you do what is expected, there are no losses, no gains. So, if you keep your space (room) clean and pick up behind yourself (put your plate in the dishwasher each night), it is all good. If you do way more than expected (clean the baseboards with a toothbursh let's say) then you earn something. If you do less than normal expectactions (your room is a disaster and you can't rinse and load one plate per day) you lose something. Seems clear and fair enough to to me! (I actually did have it more clear than this seems - losing phone, TV, computer, outside activities for losses and gaining game time, family time, etc. for gains for a certain amount of points).
So, I am mom and I'm aware what is happening (mostly) in my household. My son wants to spend the night with his cousin, but I'm aware his room is so-so, and maybe most nights he's loaded a dish, but maybe not every night. So, I say, no, you can't spend the night with your cousin.
My son is very prone to going into full "lawyer" mode (and I hope he becomes one, or a diplomat or something!) describing to me in great detail that the amount of work he did that week was 56.789% of the total amount of work expected and that based on my chart, only 55.345% was expected work and therefore he is 1.444% above what was expected....
And I'm not kidding...he really (far as I know in his head) went 3 decimal places!!! I found his argument amazingly charming, was really impressed with his ability with math and so forth...the fact remained that I'm not silly...I know how much my kids have or have not done in a week! So I explained this to him, that perhaps mom's math is off on the chart, but I'm not blind and see what he has or has not done.
So, okay, that situation worked out because I am mom and I'm not stupid.
That being said, this happens to me on a very adult level with other adults....where my feelings get overridden by some type of logic that I cannot defy....logically.
So after a similar incident with my son this evening...my daughter and I were discussing this and we both agreed that what really irritates us is that no matter the logic, we know that these people are really smart. Smart enough to really KNOW what our point is. So...are they pushing our buttons, do they really need THAT much clarity...or are we really just that unclear to everyone else on earth!? If I mention a toad, does it matter if it's really a frog? Or if I mention a turtle, does it matter if it is really a tortoise?
I'm really not sure. Maybe this is a personal problem for me. Maybe I just don't see it. I see it more as a power play, but I don't like to judge...so???? What are your thoughts?
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The older I grow the more I listen to people who don't talk much.......Dr Fred
I guess I just had to put my foot down and make him understand how something like that frustrated and annoyed me. But it did take me a while to finally speak up (or yell like I did). I had to 'refine' my questions to him with added statements to my questions to him. I guess you could say that I had to learn how to ask him questions and he had to learn how to answer so I understood him.