Hidradenitis Suppurativa Support Group
Hidradenitis suppurativa (hi-drad-uh-NIE-tis sup-yoo-ruh-TIE-vuh) is rare, long-term skin condition that features small, painful lumps under the skin. The disease manifests as clusters of chronic abscesses or boils, sometimes as large as baseballs, that are extremely painful to the touch and may persist for years with occasional to frequent periods of inflammation,...
Every day I'm up and down. Two days ago I had a derm appointment, they didn't help much. They said what every doctor tells me and sent me home with antibiotics. I was fed up, angry and crying. So I went to my primary care without an appointment and told them to please help me, I begged. The nurses were so sweet and nurturing. They ended up sending me to the ER, then admitted me to stay in the hospital for a few days to manage the pain and try and control my panic attacks. They gave me this super strong narcotic called dilaudid, I couldn't feel my face after that. But pretty soon it wore off. And I was sitting in my hospital room asking for more. Then I thought to myself "why am I even here?" All they are going to do is give me super strong meds that i'm going to convince myself that I need in order to get through my day. It's also just going to worsen an already mild drug habit that i've acquired over the past two years while dealing with this horrible condition. After the two days the doctors patted themselves on the back and sent me home with more antibiotics and more pain meds, lol.
Some days I tell myself that god is going to pull me out of this, he's just waiting for the right moment. Other days I tell myself to stop banking on something that may not even be a thing. The thought of that brings me into a deeper depression.
I really don't know what to do anymore guys. I'm not even sure any of this is worth it. I'm constantly mourning myself. I'm too young to be feeling this old and fragile. I'm too valuable to be feeling this worthless every day. I'm running out of distractions. I am truly tired.
Some days I tell myself that god is going to pull me out of this, he's just waiting for the right moment. Other days I tell myself to stop banking on something that may not even be a thing. The thought of that brings me into a deeper depression.
I really don't know what to do anymore guys. I'm not even sure any of this is worth it. I'm constantly mourning myself. I'm too young to be feeling this old and fragile. I'm too valuable to be feeling this worthless every day. I'm running out of distractions. I am truly tired.
And that was me giving myself a pep talk. Lmao, ok I'm logging off now. I just want to get better so bad.
Other times I just live my life every day to it's fullest no matter what it throws at me....You will definitely have ups and downs through a lifetime with HS....welcome to the club.
Still, I try to keep look past all of it to a day that's coming somehow, when things will be different. I don't what else to do, no disease deserves to win. Some days I'm too sick to fight it but it just can't keep me down all the time and I do my best try to learn some new thing about it every week or try to think of some angle on it that someone else might have overlooked, or even just stumble across something that might help.
Somehow we are going to all write and star in the movie where HS gets its hide tanned and tossed straight to the curb. Much sooner than it thinks.