Thanks all, yes today is a new day. Though feeling alittle under the weather, Today will be a better day. I better be good today anyway, Tomorrow i have pre surgery testing to get my Rotator cuff fixed. Thanks again to all for your thoughts and concerns.

Hi hope today is a better day!!!When I read your post I nearly cried, I though maybe you went into my head and took all my thoughts and past experiences. Your story last one is one that I have lived, spoke verbatim. Wow, what a shocker. If you need to talk or vent just let me know, I am here for you as well as a lot of others. Keep your head up watch out for yourself.
Hugs
Debbie

Larry, glad to hear from you. I hope the surgery goes well and I do hope you will focus on your good attributes. You are a very kind, intelligent person. You want to make changes in your life. YOU don't need to change because we are all perfect as we are. We just have to change our way of thinking and reacting to stress.

Hi, Larry - I wanted to be sure you survived last night - and, babe, YOU DID. A lot of people are here to support you. We can empathize, meaning we have and DO walk in your shoes. We get it. I can only speak for myself, but I'm an addict too. Why? Who knows. I think I was born that way. Yes, an emptiness deep inside that can never be filled, so I stuff it with things that can and will kill me. I have managed to kick drugs and booze but still smoke cigarettes - with cirrhosis and portal hypertension and having to wait for the all orals for geno 1 (treatment naive - NO interferon for me), the ONE thing I have control over, if I choose to, is smoking, and I still do it! I smoke my ass off.

Barb got it right and I alluded to it also - you have wonderful coping skills in your ability to communicate your feelings and fears and reality with honesty - no sugar coating - just REAL. A whole lot of people cannot do that.

We are here for you - every day is a new day - old cliche but TRUE.

Larry, i started a meditation class only 3 weeks ago and i can't believe how good it makes me feel about myself.

i'm not far enough along to really explain it, but the goal is to make you aware of your current status, without stressing about the past or the future, and provide a chance for you to say "I'M OK".

it even sounds corny writing it, but it's working for me

good luck with your shoulder, joe

This may sound like a broken record but, it's what I use to get me back from the darkness of despair that can overwhelm us before we know it...

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference - Amen.

Now, you don't have to say "God" if you don't feel comfortable with it. You can use whatever you feel like to be your higher power...
I mean, you can use this group as your higher power if you wish...
Just keep repeating it to yourself and then you'll understand...

The rest is up to you...
So keep coming back because you're worth it Larry!

Respectfully,
Hank

My only question is have you tried Medical Marajuana? I also have The Addictive Mind, but I have narrowed it down to a Cappuccino and a joint, only in the morning. I give my addict mind that time to act out every morning, from 9 am to Noon, and I ride my bike to go do this "acting out" lol
After Noon it's all business for me; paying bills, shopping cooking dinner, forcing kids to do their homework, so I can basically function,on a marginal level, with this little addiction, althoughit slows down my productivity, etc. I consider it "damage control"

Hi Larry !!! How you doin' man? Hope your
getting' along OK!!! Have you been on that
fishing trip yet? Wishing the best for you!!!

Oz

there's a few of here Larry - who can empathise with your struggle - concentrate on the positive aspects of yourself - you are much much more than addictive behavior - remember this behavior is only a part of you not all of you by any means!

To err is human, to forgive, divine.

Hi Larry - and everyone. We need to forgive ourselves and move on.
Stumble, get up, stumble again, get up again. I stumbled plenty of times, and just kept getting back up. I'm thankful it's behind me now.

I pray your rotator cuff surgery goes well Larry.

Lets Drink To That,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSJaBMYHVVA

I am on Cassy's bike ride at the moment so nothing too poignant or maybe ever pertinent. We'll soon see. I dunno. Best of luck there. I do often teach and believe that it's not so important what we've once done as it is what we do going forward. I also believe in harm reduction. It's not fkr everybody though. Some must be sober. A close friend of mine is now sober the second time and it's sticking. I used to love going out drinking with him. Well at first. He became a mess every time. It was bad. I was worried about him. He just wanted a different life and he's doing it. Haven't seen him too much but have plans soon. He's in his first year of sobriety and needs his sober friends especially. He was cool though when I was on tx. Would go out to eat with me, hang and go to movies with me. Anyway it takes a village. I'll end here.

Edit - for NOT fkr. Lol. I was trying to write a nice post. Fuck it!!

But I'll add that he wanted a new sober life for a change. He was never a particularly happy person but I do know that he is happier now that he can have a life as he describes it. Commit to exercise and nutrition? That makes to want to take good care of your body.

I totally understand what u r saying.I am an on and off again addict.I have hiv and hep c.I have had them for 22yrs.why im alive I don't know.Its hard to talk to people that don't have the diseases and or addictions.All I do know is that I wanted to live till my kids were adults.they are now 27 and 33.im not going to say any B.S. to make u feel better.this disease sucks.the so called cure sucks.didnt work for me.I feel my guilt is gone.now. just waiting to see what other shit is going to happen to me.i know all about feeling like a loser.as long as u don't hurt anyone no one can tell u how u should feel or what u should do.if u need to reach out to someone I would be very happy to share my misery with u. LOL write me anytime everyone can never have enough friends.good luck on your journey