I cant take any more. Ive decided not to do my last four days of Riba, I just cannot force any more of this crap down my throat. I started to fill up my pill container last night, and I almost cried. Today is my first day to be free of the drugs.
This has been the hardest thing Ive ever done in my life. The side effects were horrendous! It has been pure torture.
I found this board the first week of treatment when I awoke to a mind numbing brain fog and headache thats been my almost constant companion since. The Incivek was its own brand of hell, with the butt burn every one laughs about but is really no fun when your ass is constantly on fire. I detested trying to choke down 20 grams of fat at 11 PM, and then again at 7 the next morning. And the itching! God, it was terrible. I can remember asking my wife to rub my back with an ice water soaked rag, and shivering from the Interferon at the same time. The shots did that to me for a while, it usually took about 24 hours, and then I would feel like I was starting to come down the flu. I kept the electric blanket on the bed until April, and would sometimes just huddle under it with the heat turned to the max until it passed. Thankfully the shivering usually only lasted for an hour or two.
I finally got through with the Incivek, and thought the worst would be over, but it was not. I think thats when I realized I was depressed. Doc put me on Zoloft, I stayed on that for 12 week but it comes with its own set of side effects.
I saw my doctor at week 20 and he congratulated me, told me I was almost done with only 4 weeks to go. WTF? I wasnt undie at week four, but too low to count. He had misinterpreted the data, and it took several calls and a fax to his office (they wouldnt accept email) before he finally figured it out. It was ego boosting for him to tell me you were right and I was wrong. But that meant 24 more weeks of hell.
I almost quit at week 28 due to vision problems. I still cant see worth a damn, but I think Ive just gotten used to it. At about week 20, I started to have teeth and gum issues. Ive had three teeth pulled, and another one will likely have to come out soon. The dentist says my roots are simply dissolving. Hes never seen anything like it. I called Genentech, they said less than 1% of patients have reported it. I guess Im one of the lucky few. It is no fun having teeth pulled, and replacements are very expensive.
Ive also had a constant jock rash since December. Yeah, like the butt burn it sounds funny, but its really not. Ive never had anything remotely like it before treatment; I cant help but think its related. It smells more like an infection, which is a listed side effect.
The anemia was one of the worst sides. I cant walk up a flight of stairs without stopping at the top and catching my breath for a minute. This from someone who 2 years ago was doing 45 minute high intensity spin classes. I gained over 10 pounds on the Incivek, lost it all back plus another 12 on the rest of the treatment. Still, I think Ive just lost muscle and gained fat. My body shows the signs of wear; I look much older than I did a year ago.
I never seem to get a good nights sleep despite taking half an Ambien every night, and Im always exhausted. I so much want to wake up and feel refreshed. I have huge bags under my eyes, like Uncle Fester.
This has affected all areas of my life. There are times when Ive been a complete dickhead. I dont know how my wife has put up with me through this period; I know it has been rough on her. My nephews and I have had huge arguments, both have moved out. They own a big part of the blame, but I could have handled it differently.
Ive always been a top performer at work, now Im worried about my job. I would have been fired long ago if I did not work from home and have the ability to rest a bit during my lunch break.
I could not have made it without this group. I lived on here some days. I tried not to come on here just to whine. I keep thinking of the all the people on this board who still don't have a choice for treatment. And I am thankful for the opportunity to treat this damn virus that killed a good friend of mine. But it came with such a price for me personally. I hope like hell I'm SVR, if not then I will just have to wait for the newer drugs.
So many people on here have reached out to me with kind words and support. I am humbled and grateful. Thank you to each and every one.