hi bicho
first dont give two sh--s who says anything unless its your boss anyone else is useless not worth getting worked up
second are you taking meds for dopression if not i would look into them take your time you should know it takes your body time to heal i waited a whole year before i went back to work and i feel drained only on the days i worke
my prayers to you we are always here if you need to vent or talk
john

Hi Bicho,
Welcome to the group, though sorry that you've had the misfortune to qualify for membership. I'm sorry to hear what jerks you're co-workers have been being about your medical problems. I've written on DS a fair bit about how a small subgroup of co-workers at my job played a significant role, I believe, in contributing to my heart attack. For the most part, though, many of them have been less obnoxious toward me (though still toward their peers and management) since my heart attack, which happened almost a year ago. I think they felt guilty for almost helping to kill me- really! So it's hard to imagine co-workers being especially obnoxious AFTER a colleague's heart attack(s). I'm sorry that you're having to deal with that. You work for the city- I work for the state- unfortunately, I've found that some of the stereotypes of government workers run true for a subset of them :-(

I think it's a great point John made that it really doesn't matter what they say, just what your supervisor says. And I also know that tuning out the BS can be easier said than done. There was a psychologist who specializes in people with heart disease at my cardiac rehab, and I've seen her to get some support about managing the work stress. I had to figure out and apply ways to keep a distance from the toxic parts of my workplace (it's a prison, and it's not the inmates that have been the main source of stress!). I don't know if you'd consider talking to someone for support, like maybe through your EAP. It does sound like there's some depression going on for you. Meds help, and so does therapy.

Keep writing here- it's helped me alot. I'm sorry that you feel badly about being sick. It really rots when some of us have inherited the risks for serious medical problems- bad luck. It's hard to accept. Try, as much as possible, not to feel guilty about it. Again easier said than done.

Hope the rest of the week goes a lot better. Sue

Hello Bicho,

Thank you for your post, what physical effects that you are feeling sound normal. Your body is just not the same as it once was, which is something that does take sometime to adjust to.

Sir you are not going nuts. You are young and still have a great deal of life left in you. The only difference is that you have to adapt to the new limitations of your body. From what I have read you are a strong individual, who needs to feel productive for yourself, but have the understanding that what you look like on the outside is not how you really are.

I honestly do not believe in taking the opinions of other people to heart. You were willing to make the trip, it gave you a sense of purpose, and those people who talk s**t opinions do not matter, not in the long run. I agree with what John said, if it is not your boss, than to h*ll with them.

Yes you have medical problems; however you are still alive and functioning. If these individuals to have taken issue with youre performing this job, then too bad for them. Do not let them affect how you see yourself, how you feel or how you do your job.

Personally, as a former boss I do not understand the benefits of sharing such nonsense with you. The boss is the one who should PUT A STOP to this crap not you. You are the survivor and for that moment you became a victim of coworkers inability to accept your limitations.

Depression is common with heart attack patients. It is something that does NOT go away on its own. There are medications to treat and manage depression. I have found that from my own situation and my research that the doctor does not treat you for depression unless you communicate how you feel.

Seriously, the last thing I ever want is to add another pill to take. However, if it keeps me grounded and able to function more clearly I am all for it.

Like you, I am of the opinion that we all have days when we are able to do more, and on the other side of that coin we experience days when we feel as if we cannot get our bodies to even think of moving. Some of it is the medication, which is designed to prevent overtaxing the heart muscle, and some of it is just simply our bodies are somewhat damaged. We have to listen to our bodies.

You are young and at your age you need to make sure that you do not take this crap and internalize it. As stated you do not want your wife to be a widow. However, I am most positive she does not want to lose the love of her life. Together you can provide a healthier, longer life together. Just remember you are on the same side and do not let the frustrations interfere with any of that.

At one time I use to ask why me? At 47 I had a massive heart attack and was clinically dead several times, but that is another story. In the beginning I was not feeling sorry for myself, I was feeling that I had some much more to accomplish. Once I realized that I had a miracle I began to thank GOD that is was me. My life had changed and I was retired without consent.

Then it hit me, why not me? Who better to deal with the life changes than myself? Always a hard worker worked long hours and gave 190% every minute of everyday. I was giving more than a second chance at life; I was given a healthier and stronger goal to achieve. For me staying above ground to be the loving husband, brother and friend is my new life plan.

I am always told how wonderful I look and people are surprised to hear that I have a pacemaker, deliberator combo pack installed, that I have a 2 strip from the top to bottom of the front of my heart which is DEAD. I have 3 stints and I am facing a heart transplant down the road. I pray that it is some distance down the road but again that is up to GOD.

Those who do not live with or have had any experience with poor heart health are just not educated in the realization that we wake up with every morning. That we can or do have difficulty in finding the strength to be able to just function from one minute to the other.

When these know it alls begin to spew their limited knowledge, perhaps you could utilize that opportunity to educate them. However, always keep the donkey punch at hand.

I want to encourage you to not just stop by and read posts, please start sharing your life experience with all of us. Perhaps, there is someone else out there feeling the same way you do, and up until this moment they could not find someone to relate to. You are a loved member of our group, and I for one would enjoy exploring a friendship with you.

Please keep us informed.

Respectfully,
Jerry S

Hey Big Guy,

I am trying to remember who said that I was very wordy. Oh well. Ya know after my "Cardiac Event" it took me about 9 months to really, I mean really understand that, sometimes people suck, life sucks, our mental health sucks, physical health sucks, but it is our attitudes toward those realities that make the difference. Have you ever seen someone smile broadly in the face of sheer adversity. I used to figure, there goes a well seasoned idiot. But it was the manner in which they viewed the situation that allowed themselves to be calm and accepting without further angst. Today I choose to be like that person. I am not always successful. But with much help from here and above, I am real OK with my progress.

Also Ditto Sue, John and Jerry. Makes me less wordy. LOL

Best Regards,

Just Joe

Thanks guys, I appreciate your support...I do currently talk to someone on a regular basis and I do take a variety of meds...My first MI was considered a "Widow Maker," I guess. 100percent blocked artery and this last time I had a collapsed artery...It's all very frustrating. I just wish sometimes I wasn't so tired all the time...Just trying to keep it moving although at times it feels impossible...But once again, thanks to everyone.

That's great, Bicho, that you have a therapist/counselor. I've always found it helpful when I go to it. My MI, last November was also a "widower maker"- I got a 100% blockage in a large branch of my LAD, caused by a burst 30% blockage. The 100% blockage caused me to go into cardiac arrest and have to be shocked back to life two times- once in the ambulance, once at the local ER. Very scary- especially afterward when I realized how close I came to dying permanently. That must be really frustrating that an artery collapsed- which one? What are they docs saying about why they think it happened. I'm sorry to hear that it's been causing you to be and feel tired. Must be hard to contend with.

bicho, the tired feeling is all part of the MI, MEDS ETC.. still 4 years later i can still get it

Bicho,

You have all my admiration... I had the fortune to be already retired when I had the MI otherwise NO WAY that could be able to do any work the firsts 2 years.

The only thing that helped me was to be in bed, by the way I read that you have sleeping problems, I have read articles that claim that below 7 hours of sleep per day, arteries increase their calcification problems. So it is far more important of what we usually think, try to speak with your dr., he can give some medication for that.

Jesus

A collapsed artery.......

Very interesting. I am so blessed to be active here and able to listen, learn and share. There isn't one day that goes by that I don't learn something new or hear a new term or ailment or treatment. Today after reading Bicho's post for the nth time, his referral to a " collapsed artery" sparked my curiosity as to the cause. I subsequently spent some time studying up on this and was amazed at one of the major causes was "extreme hypo tension" Low Blood pressure. This really alerted me to a higher awareness because I have been battling this since Nov 2009 and have had episodes where my Low BP has landed me in the ER. The low BP they mentioned where the collapses are ripe to occur was 70 / 50. Well mine has been low as 48/36 with multiple checks for as long as 12-15 hours and I was really just blowing it off because apart from being light headed I saw no real problem. I actually thought that it probably was giving my heart a break. Now, however; I will be very wary of the time schedule of my meds and keeping properly hydrated.

If I ever get in that situation again, I will not hero it out, even knowing that it will pass as it has in the past. I will get my butt to the ER and get better educated as to why it is happening and see if my meds need to be further tweeked. Thanks bicho.

Best Regards,

Just Joe

Well, s$%^ starts as soon as I get into work...Apparently some of my fellow co-workers have a problem with the fact that I got the job. That since I have "Medical Problems" that I should not be entitled to go out on a job as such. They also wanted to know why I was at work late???

I'm so tired of the crap...Before I got sick I worked the field all the time and was good at what I do. But since my last MI, I have been pushed back into the office because of the danger that my work presents to me...My boss pulls me aside and starts telling me all this crap and I'm like, huh???

I dont want to sound harsh...but we do need some more info as how things play or work out. two scenarios....

1.

I dont see how your "condition" as such has anything to do with your output.
Firstly and foremostly...u are not anyones victim.
you take your meds like we all do and thats that! thats wer it ends...
We are normal individuals.
How is your job a danger to you?

2. You are indeed a health risk and management has been advised to delegate jobs to you within your scope

your co-workers are not only jerks but they are afraid that if you can do a job with a medical condition than it makes them look bad. the only opinion that matters is that of your boss. If he thought that you couldn't handle the job than he wouldn't have let you do. congratulations to you boss for not seeing you medical condition as a handicap. Don't let your co-workers get to you because these negative vibes are not condusive to your health. My getting stressed by work place bull lead to my first heart attack. Try to keep a positive outlook on life and you will feel better and will be healthier.

bicho
You have already taken the first steps to recovery,we dont know whats instore for us but my advise is live each day happy. who cares what people think all that matters is what your family thinks and in my eyes you are doing a great job . i workout 6 to seven days a week and work a part time job and latly i have been so tired so i listen to my body and take a day off and just rest. see my wife is a nurse so i take care of the house and the cooking i know being a nurse is stressful i take coq10 and i only take it once in the morning and it is 100mg monday im going to call the dardio doc and see if its ok to raise it to 200 mg a day. just hang in there if you need someopne to listen or someone to talk we are here
god bless
john

AMEN!!!!

SICK OF PEOPLE WORRING ABOUT EVEYRONE BUT THEMSELVES

I appreciate everyones input...One of the reasons I have it rough at work, is that at times I'm just so tired, I can't stay awake...My meds kick my arse...But I'm trying to make the best of it, at least in my opinion.

The past 4 days I have pretty much been in been. Friday in bed till 3:30pm, Saturday till 4:00 pm, and today went to sleep again after work...

Oh, and I'm the guy who makes everyone laugh...If I'm having an off day or don't feel like making everyone laugh, I get, "What's wrong?" I try to keep my spirits up, but at times it feels almost impossible...I wake thinking, "Wow, ok, I'm alive today."

Once again, thanks guys...I'll definitely keep you guys posted on a regular basis...Sorry for sounding down, at times this becomes a little much at times. I have my first MI anniversary coming up on 29 December. It will be 5yrs from my first MI. That one was 100% blocked artery...Thanks to everyone and G-d bless...

Hi Bicho,
Everyone here has given good advice so I won't repeat it, but I will say that I totally understand your frustration with tiredness. It took me almost a year to be able to work all week without being give out on the weekends. I still have a problem with tiredness, and if I don't get enough rest I am wiped out the next day. A long week at work followed by a big weekend means that I will be tired for the next week and have to have some down time on the following weekend. Give yourself time to heal. You may always have to deal with this limitation, just as I think I will, too, but my joy at being alive and the wonderful blessings I've been given since my MI make up the difference for me. Also, talk to your MD about your meds. It may be that they are causing some of your tiredness and your MD may be able to suggest an alternative.

I'm glad you've found DS. So many wonderful people here will do all they can to help.

Pam