Healthy Sex Support Group

This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.

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Benson4535 04/08/2010

So my girlfriend is very aggressive in bed. I love this cause it's rare I ever sleep with aggressive women (around here it seems they're very meek). We've been sleeping together for about a year, whenever we start having sex it's almost always with her on top cause that's her favourite position. Well for some reason I have a hard time cumming. I'll kind of explain. For some weird reason, I don't cum easily to blowjobs, handjobs or when a woman is riding me. It takes alot of time. Well she and I were having a discussion the other day and I asked if anything bothered her and she said the fact that I rarely ever cum when she's riding me makes her feel inadequate. I tried to explain that it's not that I don't enjoy it, but I couldn't explain why I can't just release in that position.

Anyone have any tips or anything to help?

lovesthefeel 04/08/2010

Do you have any problem or delay in cumming with you on top?

I may be off base with your situation, but to me, a preference for being on top or bottom indicates a desire for control of the situation. Maybe you find being submissive, as you are on the bottom or when getting a BJ or HJ, less stimulating and arousing. Without the psychological stimulation, all that's left is the physical. That might be why it takes longer.

deleted_user 04/09/2010

Had the exact same thing with my ex. Its nothing wrong with you, its just the way your body works. I cant cum from a guy fingering me or through sex, I have to do it myself, doesnt mean that sex cant still be amazing. The guy I was with wasnt able to cum through hand or blow jobs or if I was on top, although he still very much enjoyed it. I wouldnt worry about it too much, just explain to your gf that its not that shes not doing it well or youre not enjoying yourself, its just the way you are. If you really really worry about it, maybe go see a sex therapist or go to a sex class? But I really dont think thats neccessary, as theres nothing wrong here that I can see.

Good luck :)

LisaACOA 04/16/2010

Me being on top is my favorite position too. Not so much that I need to be in control...It is because I have the best "Os" that way. I also think it is a very intimate position. This position is great because you can kiss, it leaves a man's hands free to give a woman more pleasure. You can have eye contact which drives me crazy. This position is great for hot conversation. Remember the more turned on you make her... the more stimulated you will be. So if you haven't tried... massaging her, kissing her, sucking or pinching on her nipples, putting a finger in her bottom, rubbing her clit, and having some hot conversation....I would highly recommend it. I am sure she will go crazy... so intern I think will help you to cum hard.

deleted_user 04/16/2010

My husband can only maintain an erection and climax when I am on top. I have gotten used to it after 10 years,but I personally get hottest and enjoy it most when my legs are in the air and the guy is on top putting it in. Sometimes we jerkoff in front of each other and that helps,then stick it inl.xo

deleted_user 04/16/2010

wow...that's pretty hot

deleted_user 04/16/2010

No - that's WAY hot! I agree - we all have our different things that work or don't work for us. A lot of guys would like to have a go-to position where they know they would be able to last a long time. A couple suggestions, though. Maybe trying having her turn around, or have her reach back and fondle your scrotum. That might help get you more excited.

deleted_user 04/16/2010

I think whatever feels best for you or for her is something you should do. My husband and I switch it up. Sometimes I get off best on top and vice versa. No one should ever feel inadequate. If you are enjoying yourself its all good.

deleted_user 04/27/2010

Pretty sound advice from all. Some things just plain feel better one way compared to another. Personally, I cum quickly with her on top if she moves correctly. Plain up and down doesn't do it for me. The best lover i ever had on top of me moved like a belly dancer. She'd lean forward and drag her hips up, lean back, starting at her stomach, roll her hips back basically dragging my cock between us. Felt incredible. She truly had a skill. Got her off pretty hard as well.

deleted_user 04/27/2010

Two observations Benson:

1. the fact that you have a hard time cumming when she is riding you means that you are probably inside her hard longer, point that out to her you are giving her more pleasure.

2. ask her to switch position and finish her doggy style so you get to cum.

If you can pull this off you kill 3 birds with one stone.

1. you get to be dominant for a while as well
2. she realises how good she has it with you being in her a long time
3. you get to cum and make her happy LOL

deleted_user 04/27/2010

I'm kind of a control feak and love being on top and telling him do not cum ! gives him something to think about. lol

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