There are many things that could cause his lack of desire with you. The causes you pointed out is porn and possible work and addiction. You also mentioned some things on your side and I guess I need some clarification on all the things that could be effecting your sexual relationship. Do you work outside of the home and is there money issues? Are the children both of yours or from a previous relationship? What is the addiction therapy and when did it come into play in your relationship? Everything I have mentioned can effect a relationship badly.

Not all men can just see a naked woman, get an erection, and go have sex with her. Some of us do have to have an emotional bond also.

I am just trying to better understand the situation, before I offer advice.

Figure out what gets him hot and provide it, as long as he follows orders

There is something he is unwilling to share with you...probably for fear it will either anger you or hurt your feelings. Honesty and communication are the key and when one of those two are missing, problems can and will occur.

Good luck

When we were dating we had sex , got married sex once in a while, didn't want to try things , didn't like lingerie, he was just very sensitive....yes we are different but he didn't want want sex much...he was in shape , no desire....now he has gained weight , still not much desire....we are financially tight....he has more debt than I do....i don't work , I want to but he wants me to stay home with the kids, he think it's important....we have two kids , but my daughter is not...when I first met my husband he also saw my daughter, he would say that the way I would be a mother attracted him....and he still tells me now how he thinks I'm a good mother.....anyway..he would also say before how he would want to adopt her, she's 5....we go to pornography addiction recovery meetings..and see a marriage therapist...i want to be close to my husband, but the topic sex is a problem, try talking to him about it, different times , but we get into an argument every time.....he doesn't work over time, he likes he's job, benifets and all he says he feels like he's retired..he seems happy to go to work....

When we were dating we had sex , got married sex once in a while, didn't want to try things , didn't like lingerie, he was just very sensitive....yes we are different but he didn't want want sex much...he was in shape , no desire....now he has gained weight , still not much desire....we are financially tight....he has more debt than I do....i don't work , I want to but he wants me to stay home with the kids, he think it's important....we have two kids , but my daughter is not...when I first met my husband he also saw my daughter, he would say that the way I would be a mother attracted him....and he still tells me now how he thinks I'm a good mother.....anyway..he would also say before how he would want to adopt her, she's 5....we go to pornography addiction recovery meetings..and see a marriage therapist...i want to be close to my husband, but the topic sex is a problem, try talking to him about it, different times , but we get into an argument every time.....he doesn't work over time, he likes he's job, benifets and all he says he feels like he's retired..he seems happy to go to work....

* my daughter is not his.

How can I get him to open up though?, he seems to not be good with honesty and communication....im more open to my feelings and thoughts ...

You may try simple logic. For example you want your kids to believe you love each other, therefore the two of you should be making love. Also I would ask him how often he masterbates, that will kill a sex drive for sure. Lastly have you tried doing it sideways with him behind? It is easier on him if he is overweight .

I have asked how much he has masturbated and he says that When he was watching pornography......we have tryed many positions ,and he doesn't have a desire.

Try building a nest of pillows and sit above and keep his tip only at your gate and don't allow him to move more than a quarter inch every few minutes and maybe you need to buy some sexy for his eyes only heels, oh and don't go naked, do it in your clothes, nakedness is a turnoff to him I estimate. Maybe he needs you to be the dominant one I am thinking, only in the bedroom that is.

I say call him out in therapy! He is hiding something. I mean he is cheating, but being a guy with a very high sex drive for most of my life now I know if I didn't want to make love with my lady it always had a reason.

I look back on my marriage before it ended and it was almost entirely resentment for my wife. She put me through 18 years of hell. There were moments when things were good and I wanted intimacy with her, but then she would do things to break down that desire again. I did have a few months after my boys were born that I didn't want anything sexual with her also, but I feel that came from seeing by baby's born and that can sometimes effect men.

Lostsouls72

I've asked him in front of the therapist, and alone...and he says that he doesn't have a high sex drive as me and it's a turn off me not trusting him ...and alone he says I'm not nice to him,....im not really trusting him because he is not being close to me in a sexual way... everyday I have the house clean , errands for him takin care of , I buy him little things here and there I do creative things for him, I do things he likes , I compliment him...i cook for him, I take him out to eat and I pay at times, and more..so we go about our days he works I stay at home take care of the kids, house clean , car clean , I do my responsibilities as a mom, and as a wife.i work hard to try to keep everything together , i also take care of my self to physically....sex doesn't cross his mind , I understand if he stressing about somethings but isnt there supposed to be a balance of things...he needs to remember my needs ..i get cranky lol .....its like I'm exhausted doing alot but I still keep it together get ready at times and he gets home , I'm nice, belly full , he relaxes, helps me around with things, we go out, but when he doesn't initiate sex I ask him , why no sex last night? It's like he forgets everything I do for him and we argue. I have become very resentful towards him inside...i still continue my responsibilities....but i feel like a room mate and nanny...he does kiss me holds hands open doors holds my purse, sings to me....but it doesn't lead to sex much maybe once every two weeks , sometimes and it's if i tryed to initiate it, but why doesn't he initiate it at all,..i don't want to think he is cheating but what else can it be? Hope this makes sense...

If I don't enjoy something I usually don't want to do it much less initiate it. I dothink he is turning the blame on you, that you not trusting him is a turnoff sounds like crap to me. If he watched porn he has a sex drive, it is getting spent by masterbation. So that is the status. Accept it. Where to go from here, well, you already do everything around the house, why not make a sex schedule? Tell him what feels good to you and instruct him to do it. Teach him. The flirting and carrying your purse and opening doors sounds like a load of crap also, tell him you can open your own doors. You want him to open the door that matters.

I understand your problem, and I am sure when he stops the porn things will get better, he isn't cheating.

Be careful : what you focus on expands. Despite the few sex, you seem to have a great husband. Women have the tendency of focusing on one negative thing so intensely that it gives them the illusion that everything is very bad and they end up resentful, cheating and divorcing only to regret it later.


There are good husbands and no perfect husbands : let wisdom guide you.

Have you watched porn with him?