Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
First off Im just an ol redneck from the sticks, been married,divorced, married, divorced, blah, blah, blah. Recently we have had several posts in regards to what a man and or woman wants from a relationship. While Im sure all agree A loving sexual relationship would be a must, I quite frankly am a bit undecided on this aspect. Both men and women have stated they would like to have an unconditional love.How does one decide if their relationship is unconditional. Hypothetically speaking, Say a lady marries or is committed unconditionally to a man and finds him in bed with her mother, does she stay in the relationship? Does she leave? If she loves him unconditionally, wouldn't she stay? Or another scenario, A man is married or committed to an unconditional love for his s/o only to discover she is sleeping with every TA ,Dick or Harry in town. Does he stay and simply say "Its ok, cause I love her, no matter what condition she chooses to put our relationship in." For a long time I have believed a loving relationship had to have checks and balances, there were no free passes. IMO unconditional love is for our children and our parents, we might not like some of the things they do but we still love them for the most part. But a cheating spouse or s/o, that is a condition that none deserve.
What do you think ?
What do you think ?
*shakes head*
However, one must love themselves first.
Not all people find themselves in that perdicament, and my faith in unconditional love is true.
However, in order for me to love another unconditionally means he would reciprocate thereby, never finding the need to stray.
I believe there is someone out there that deserves my unconditional love, and I would never give it to someone who would cheat.
Those days have come and gone for StephanieDawn.
I'm telling you, it may not exist for everyone, due to their pasts, but I think it has to do with perception, and moving on and looking UP!!
That said, straying is a boundary that one person should NOT cross if they're in love with their spouse or SO. Straying is not a "condition" of loving, it's part of the basic structure of that love that was pre-agreed upon by both parties. If both want an "open" relationship, that must also be agreed upon in the beginning.
Even in polygamous societies, the concept of sharing one's love with you...then you...then you...gets spiritually messy in my opinion.
In a relationship there are level of trust that we achieve, or destroy. When you destroy that trust you have to work hard to rebuild that trust. It will take alot longer to rebuild than it did to build in the 1st place.
I would like to add that in order to have unconditional love with a SO, you need to give and recieve respect.
My mother loved my father dearly, but he would get drunk and beat her. How can you unconditionally love that? Or cheating. How do you unconditionally love that?
Yes, there are definite 'gray areas' to unconditionally loving a SO.
I can forgive but, I am working on the Detachment part. I think it is good if you can let go of the anger and turn it over to God. I am trying to take myself out of situations where people continue to hurt me.
LisaACOA
I will "Bump" up the Discussion Topic on, "Detachment". I think the Detachment and Forgiveness are very intertwined.
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I think these principles can be applied to other areas of our lives....
DETACHMENT- AL-ANON
Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It does not imply judgement or condemnation of the person or situation from which we are detaching. Seperating ourselves from the adverse effects of another person alcoholism can be a means of detaching: this does not neccessarily require physical seperation. Detatchment can help us look at our situations realistically and objectively.
Alcoholism is a family disease. Living with the effects of someone else's drinking is devastating for most people to bear without help.
In Al-Anon we learn nothing we say or do can cause or stop someones else's drinking. We are not responsible for another person's disease or recovery from it.
Detatchment allows us to let go of our obsession with another's behavior and begin to lead happier and more manageable lives, lives with dignity and rights, lives guided by a Power greater than ourselves. We can still love the person without liking the behavior.
IN AL-ANON WE LEARN:
*Not to suffer because of the actions or reactions of other people
*Not to allow ourselves to be used or abused by others in the interest of another's recovery
*Not to do for others what they can do for themselves
*Not to manipulate situations so others will eat, go to bed, get up, pay bills, not drink, or behave to see fit
*Not to cover up another's mistakes or misdeeds
*Not to create a crisis
*Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events
By learning to focus on ourselves, our attitudes and well-being improve. We allow the alcoholics in our lives to experience the consequences of their own actions.
and I learned what unconditional love was about a year into my last marriage (which is going great right now)
It wass very strange. I learned that my hubby is true family to me and I was able to forgive him rather than to tell him to hit the road.
he has a couple addictions that have affected us tremendously. he screwed up. now the checks and balances exist because he knows he screwed up and he is not to do that ever again or there will be consequences that cannot be denied.
I realized... it was unconditional love. he did some things that I knew would have never been accepted in any other relationship of mine, I did not settle into staying... we got past it and grew from it. We have since had our relationship grow even more deeply. It is not really something i am able to describe in words, and nothing I had ever imagined in my life ever... I had no idea it could exist on this level.
When it happened and i made my decisions... it was because I did indeed realize what unconditional love is... it is like the love i have for my children, but i could have it with my spouse. People screw up, but the realization was in how we want to handle it in our hearts.
I NEVER would have stood for a cheating spouse... but somehow... it was different this time and partially because of his addictions and he needed help. He has opened his vulnerabilities up to me and we have a connection like no other. (really hard to explain). It is so weird, but I understand it and so does he. We both realized something in that mess.
Relationships are so tricky... there are so many bad ones and so many that never get to the deeper levels. I feel lucky to have this deep bond (even though we have been through a mess).
What does spouse mean to each spouse? If it means just a piece of paper and living together... then love, much less unconditional is not really hopeful. But if each spouse treats it as though it is a loving family- with all the unity and bonding on every level of life and more...then yes it is possible and can be more grand than all the imaginations.
AloneinUtah has a great point. I agree 100%.
Today I received the sweetest message that I have ever received..
Lisa, I just want to tell you that the essence of Mothers is Unconditional Love and nurture and you have given US ALL both of those in abundance by creating and maintaining this group--I am probably much older than you physically, but your posts, and your group and definatley have mothered MY INNER CHILD- Thank You- Happy Mothers Day from my inner child to YOU!!