Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
Hiya everyone. I'm having some troubles as of late, and I figured maybe someone might of had a similar problem and I should ask here. I for whatever reason, seem unable to orgasm. I have been having sex with someone for the last 4 or so days, and from what she tells me, she is having mind blowing orgasms. I have no problem in pleasing her at all, but for me, it seems very different. I feel pleasure, I feel my body being overwhelmed with pure and raw pleasure, but for whatever reason I can't. I'm normally left in an euphoric state, and can barely walk or talk, because of how happy I feel, but the actual orgasm part never seems to happen.
I got some health issues with my lungs, that makes things a little complicated. I can't do physical stuff for any real amount of time due to the fact that I start being unable to catch my breath. We normally do some foreplay and all prior, but even then, it doesn't seem to be enough. I feel like the chemicals that are being released by my brain are so overwhelming, that it winds up taking my breath away a bit quicker then normal.
And to farther complicate things for me, the last 10 or so years I was in a relationship with an ex. Long story short, we were into some very kinky things, and for lack of a better term, I was her slave. Over the years, I was taught when and when not to, almost like conditioning. I normally was punished for orgasming with her, but it was what the price was and I, to be truthful didn't care. After awhile, I enjoyed doing it, I won't lie. With her, for the last 2 1/2 years I haven't had actual sex with her. She felt my lungs couldn't do it anymore, and in her controlling way made me pleasure myself while watching her, or pleasing her with no release. Being conditioned in this way, I was used to this.
But I'm wondering if my ex has got me all mentally screwed up in this department. When I'm with my new woman, I don't think of my ex at all, or anything along those lines. We are in a vanilla relationship sexually wise, and I don't want this to change. I feel ashamed because I am unable to, even though I have no real issue pleasing her. My motto has always been please your woman before yourself, but even being selfish today, on my birthday, I still couldn't. So is there something wrong with me? Is there any advice that could be suggested to help me get over this hurdle? I don't want to make her feel like she can't please me, because she does, just not in a way that can be shown at this point. Thank you for the help, I really need it.
I got some health issues with my lungs, that makes things a little complicated. I can't do physical stuff for any real amount of time due to the fact that I start being unable to catch my breath. We normally do some foreplay and all prior, but even then, it doesn't seem to be enough. I feel like the chemicals that are being released by my brain are so overwhelming, that it winds up taking my breath away a bit quicker then normal.
And to farther complicate things for me, the last 10 or so years I was in a relationship with an ex. Long story short, we were into some very kinky things, and for lack of a better term, I was her slave. Over the years, I was taught when and when not to, almost like conditioning. I normally was punished for orgasming with her, but it was what the price was and I, to be truthful didn't care. After awhile, I enjoyed doing it, I won't lie. With her, for the last 2 1/2 years I haven't had actual sex with her. She felt my lungs couldn't do it anymore, and in her controlling way made me pleasure myself while watching her, or pleasing her with no release. Being conditioned in this way, I was used to this.
But I'm wondering if my ex has got me all mentally screwed up in this department. When I'm with my new woman, I don't think of my ex at all, or anything along those lines. We are in a vanilla relationship sexually wise, and I don't want this to change. I feel ashamed because I am unable to, even though I have no real issue pleasing her. My motto has always been please your woman before yourself, but even being selfish today, on my birthday, I still couldn't. So is there something wrong with me? Is there any advice that could be suggested to help me get over this hurdle? I don't want to make her feel like she can't please me, because she does, just not in a way that can be shown at this point. Thank you for the help, I really need it.
having sexual thoughts about a former sex partner after she died.She was a "friend with benefits " not a girlfiend . We had great times together , but after she was gone , I felt like I shouldnt think about her in that way anymore , but I was still attracted to her in my mind. Maybe your mind has already gone to that place since you know she will be gone
But if that is indeed the case, how is this going to work out? I am hopelessly in love with this girl, truth be completely told. I haven't felt this happy in what seems forever, and I lay here at night thinking of her, even though 6 hours from now I'll be over her place seeing her again. We talk all night, after I leave her place, and we have spent the night together a few times, and it feels so natural to cuddle up next to her and sleep.
Emotionally, I'm fully invested in this, even if it isn't the smartest of ideas solely because of how much I love her. I've been getting the lectures from my parents that I'm being stupid, and making a really bad decision, but I can't help the way I feel. She feels the same way, and hasn't smiled this much in what she says is forever too. She also seems to get a bit of a lecture about how fast she is moving things, but yet, her heart cries out for me as much as mine does.
Last night actually, I had a birthday party at a bowling alley and brought her along with me, and we actually got her to bowl 2 frames. She actually stood up, and with a little assistance from me to keep her balance, she actually bowled. The light in her eyes, the smile, it was enough to overwhelm me with happiness. So if I'm feeling all this, how am I going to manage this guilt that I'm self inducing by her health? Got any suggestions to overcome that one?
been to the same one one for about 4 times over the past 12 years and its always been for relationship problems . Each time it has really helped , but it wasnt an instant fix . My problem was always getting dumped by girls because I wouldnt marry them . Had a bad marriage and didnt want to take the plunge again , so after a certain amount of time the girlfriend would leave in frustration [ cant blame them but it still
hurt }.My heart goes out to you because you are in love with someone
who sounds wonderful but you will be faced with dealing with her death. One thing is for sure , I'll bet you apprciate your time together
more than most because we always assume we will have a long time with the one we love.
I guess for me, I'm just amazed at how screwed up my head is. I guess seeing someone might not be such a bad thing, but the time talking to them and them asking me how that makes me feel seems like a waste. I know exactly how it makes me feel, and I find I don't have the patience for mind games like that. I'm far too logical, and I feel like therapy isn't really for me. It hasn't worked in the past, so I don't exactly have high hopes for future encounters.