I'm with you. I struggle to find this balance in every relationship. It kind of comes down to which is more important, having him around or having the dishes always clean. I can say from experience that nagging will not change the behaviour... believe me I've tried!

Ah the joys of life. I bet that your love language is Acts of Service. Meaning you feel loved when someone performs the tasks that you mention. My wife used to bitch at me for the same things. I wouldn't do the things that she asked and then expect sex later. But after finding out that she felt loved and respected when I performed these simple chores I took up the challenge.

My Love language is Physical Touch. I feel loved when holding hands, cuddling, sex or just a simple hug. When she realized that she started becoming more physical with me. Human beings speak five different Love Languages. Understanding them and how your partner perceives love is important in any successful relationship. There is a website where the two of you can take the quiz in order to discover your LL. thefivelovelanguages.com. I sure hope that this helps ease the tension that you feel in your life. It sure helped us.

Sounds like the age old battle of the sexes.
Except leaving the door open is weird.
Pressuring for sex when you're in pain?? Uh, no.

I know how you feel. I feel like there is a certain element of respect one should have in any relationship when it comes to cleanliness and sharing household jobs etc. I know some may disagree, but in today's working world, women and men usually are both working and I believe should share chores. My mom does everything for my dad even when she worked full time. Dishes, cooking, laundry, cleaning. He would cut the grass, but eventually hired yard help lol. I think it's just their generation though.
I would love to come home to a meal and then have him clean up too! I'm ok with whoever cooks, the other cleans.
My husband throws his clothes on the floor, leaves the bath mat on the floor instead of hanging it to dry. He also leaves lights on and the tv. I try not to nit pic when he does do the dishes even though he leaves food crust and dirty cloth in the sink after and stuff lol. I'm a neat freak...the type that shines the sink after washing up and has everything in order. So I generally clean because I'm so picky.
Anyways, I'm going on a tangent. You do have a right to be annoyed with him because he should make an effort. But some don't and never will. I guess the important question is.....does he treat you right? Show you affection without it having to be about sex? Is he kind, thoughtful, sincere? These are important and should be present in every relationship. Do you care for him? Can you learn to live with how he is? Holborn is right, you can nag but it won't change...I've tried too. Perhaps expressing yourself in a different way that doesn't sound "naggy" or don't say anything for awhile and see if he changes.
He shouldn't be nagging you for sex knowing the pain your in. That's unfair and disrespectful.
I guess what matters is, if you love each other and these "little" things aren't a game changer for you, then I guess it's just something to take with a grain of salt and enjoy the good things

I agree with everyone else. There should be a balance. Don't nag, it won't help. But at the same time, if you aren't happy, there are men out there that are right for you without effort. Ive been in your situation many times then I learned life is too short to be u happy, or frustrated all the time. Them I found my fiance. He's awesome. He does his share all the way around. Even owns his own business. We both work, cook, clean, wash dishes & clothes. We are a team. I dont have to baby him. So keep your head up lady...they do exist. Lol. Do you think maybe you're boyfriend isnt mature enough?

Domestic cohabitation issues already? You two were so hot for each other just a few short months ago!

dont get me wrong I love him but he says I have OCD and I just like a clean house.

Nothing wrong with a clean house! You're a wonderful homemaker.

I agree! Nothing wrong with a clean house.

I can see both sides of this but the piece that really concerns me is him pressuring you for sex when you're in pain. That's beyond disrespectful. I imagine that needs to be addressed somehow. It's not okay.

The behavior you're describing could be passive aggressive - "you can't control me" sorts of things or it could just be that you don't share the same priorities. Regardless, if you've asked him a few times (and your requests are few and reasonable like - clean up after yourself/the kitchen is small so please say out from under foot while I'm cooking) - it seems contemptuous of him not t work with you on those few things.

However, you need to pick your battles. It's really possible you're doing it much more than you think you are and far less than he thinks you are! Try to be conscious of what you're saying. Tell him 10 things he's doing right to every 1 "nag." Just - "I noticed you ... Thanks!" or "Thanks for putting your dish in the sink" - notice him doing the right thing. We tend to notice stuff that makes us nuts and ignore the things that people are doing for us that are "right." So when he DOES clean up after himself or turns off the lights thank him.

Perhaps most of all, consider if you can live with how he is or not because he may never change. That sort of thing can go on and on and on until you just feel like the life force is being drained. The pressuring you for sex when you're in pain? That'd be a deal breaker for me if it's a regular occurrence.

But know that he can feel like he's being pecked to death by ducks if you're endlessly telling him things he needs to do that may be important to you but not to him. If it's his bed and his lights and he's paying the bills (I assume this is at his place and you don't live together), it's not your problem to solve. If it doesn't bother him for you to make the bed or turn off the lights that's fine but maybe realize that's your issue and not his.

Just my two cents.

first off, any relationship in which someone has to pressure the other person for ANYTHING isn't a good relationship. that's a relationship with control issues and either needs to seek counselling or be ended.

Secondly, and this is just my opinion, the things you are asking for him are not irrational. you aren't asking him to fly to the moon. just to help out a little bit. and it seems like it's a pretty regular thing. it would be a different story if he didn't wash his dishes once a month, but this seems like an every day sort of thing. you have to ask yourself "is it worth being in this relationship just so i can take care of someone all the time with no hope of being taken care of in return?". if it's worth it to you, then by all means, stay. otherwise, i would consider getting out of that relationship.

third, yes. physical love is a form of love. and guys do tend to have higher sex drives. but i've never pressured a girl i've dated into sex no matter how "horny" i was. i was given hands, i can take care of things if my significant other isn't in the mood. there are other ways to express that, but it seems he only cares about sex. and sadly, that's not something that will change anytime soon. just evaluate what you want with things

I have a clean house and can have a healthy relationship too when it comes. The partner comes first the dirty stuff will always be there.