aww. i'm sorry! don't have much advice that would be helpful, as i have no idea what it's like to be shy...but know that we're here for you! ((big hugs))

Thanks dear. Some days I'm actually pretty bold, then begin to doubt myself (how long can I sustain this?). Ahhh...

I used to be shy also Kool, and it stemmed from my self perception. Did not feel I was worthy of any ones affection as I had nothing to 'offer' them. I was 'saved' from this by a wise young lady(she was 19 I was 17) who pointed out the attributes I did not realize I had. That was the starting point of overcoming my shyness. I am still an introvert as I like to reflect on items b-4 commenting and opening up - but once I get rolling and am familiar with the surroundings it becomes much easier to be an extrovert. Not sure if this helps your situation but.... there is hope. I guess the shorter answer would be "Believe in yourself, then others will to."

You seem rather cool to me. Your shyness has probably saved you from rushing into situations too quick. Don't doubt yourself, just relax and be comfortable with taking things slow.

Thanks, guys. It's usually big groups (like bars or clubs) that require a lot of processing through my "radar" to get me comfortable. A lot of stimulation there and noise. I do better one-on-one. I'm into depth, not breadth.

tobi: Thanks. Yes, like the cowardly lion in The Wizard of Oz, I sometimes confuse shyness with thinking-first or contemplation. But I'm growing older, lonelier and more impatient, sick of "taking things slow". Thanks everybody.

I'm shy and quiet most of the time. I get all tonge tied in social situations too

I get shy when there is someone I want to talk to or a certain subject comes up that is one of the reasons I am here to learn how people talk about these and other things.

I tend to get shy when I want to walk right up and talk to someone, but there are people AROUND the person, already engaged in a conversation, which may be more interesting than what I was going to say.

exactly how i feel and if i DO join into the conversation people either ignore me and just talk over me or i just interrupt at completely the wrong time. It makes me feel stupid. It dosn't help that my friends are all really smart.

I tend to be an introvert. Very shy around people I don't know in a social setting.


But I have found that relationally. That has worked out to be a very good asset for me. WHY? B/c I tend not to tell to much of anything all at once and it takes time for me to get to know who I'm interested in, and also time for them to get to know me.

So it works both ways!!

I know exactly whatcha mean, ladies. It's taking me FOREVER to let myself out into this woman that I'm interested in...she's so relaxed and extroverted...love to let myself go in her.

I realize that being intimate with a woman means letting my heart out. It's so goddamn scary for me...sometimes it just isn't there...gotta relax...we're getting there...

Koolman,

It seems like you have two conflicting things going on. Want to open up but freaking out at the same time. Have you ever done any work on why you are getting so tied up in knots? If you let that go it can become easier to open up. There are many many books and workshops out there that work on this precise thing.

From your posts it seems like you are a really good guy, but you tend to shrink down around women. Do you have good men friends? Do you know why any woman would be lucky to have you?

koolman, I admit to being a real extrovert. The key is this...

...you don't have to say anything cool
...you can say one funny thing and walk away
...you can make a single observation and that be the end of it
...you can wait until the person is not surrounded by a crowd (take this opportunity to observe and get some insight. Think of it as reconnaissance (sp?).)

If you say One Thing, make it something worth saying.

...You have amazing style, that dress hugs your body perfectly. (Smile and saunter off--just not too far away. [winks])

...You must be absolutely charming to know, you always seem to be surrounded by people. (Again, smile and wait for a response OR saunter off--just not too far away.)

...I've never seen such gorgeous hair, the way the lights highlight the shine and depth of color. Glorious. (Repeat above instructions.)

See, most shy people get all wrapped in the How Do I Keep a Conversation Going thing. You only need one good thing to say. Then, remember, people Love to talk about themselves (usually). So, looking her straight in the eyes while she talks and actually being interested in what she has to say goes a Really Long Way. Also, you see things in the eyes that people hide in other ways.

filamane: That's me! I do try to say one good thing and then listen with my heart. Actually works pretty well! So I guess I'm on the right track! It's not shyness, it's just a part of the natural "give-and-take" of getting to know someone-! Thanks, guys. I feel much more relaxed now.

Yeah, thanks, chaz. I guess I'm afraid that she'll know my heart and know how to work it to get what she wants. All I can do is try to stay abreast (no pun intended) of that and decide whether the relationship is working to both of our benefits.

What's the worst thing that can happen...she discovers that I'm human? Geez. Thanks.