Healthy Sex Support Group

This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.

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Sex and intimacy problems

ladybugg
ladybugg

My husband and I have been together 9 Years/married 6. We have 2 beautiful children together, a lovely peaceful home and live a pretty good life overall except we lack intimacy and sex BIG time. Our relationship has not always been so peaceful we have definitely had our share of problems that we have worked thru and for that I am grateful. There has been infidelity on both sides in the past for various reasons. Since reconnecting after a year of separation we have suffered with intimacy and sex.  I need for my husband to hold me, kiss me, touch me and talk to me. I want to feel connected otherwise sex is meaningless to me. When we do have sex I feel like an object. We usually have sex when he wants only(which may be twice a month if I'm lucky), the duration of sex may last 5 mins on a good day and he totally is in it for himself. I am always left maturbating to please myself. 



Recently, thoughts of stepping outside of my marriage has come back. I need intimacy and sex. Whenever I masturbate I think of other men so I now totally refrain from doing this. I have gone to my husband several times over the past couple years with no success. During our last physical I brought up the possibility of erectile dysfunction to our doctor which my husband boldly denied. If we are going to make it he needs to get help. He thinks he's fine and he's not! I am tired of sugar coating things to save face. We are drowning and have little ones that will be affected by our decisions.  I truly am starting to feel like giving up. One of the main reasons I married was for sex and intimacy. 


OlderCPer
OlderCPer
Sounds like you need to see a Marriage Counselor to get these issues solved. Its not easy to make a marriage work after affairs, you both have things that need worked on. If he's not willing to work on them, you may not be able to save your marriage, you can't force him. I'd have a very real, down to earth talk with him and set up Counseling Sessions for yourself at least, and insist that he go as well.

Take care.
Im-nathan
Im-nathan
Part of the issue here is he has to be willing to make the effort! Hear what you are saying and what you need. 2way street.
Im-nathan
Im-nathan
What is his POV when you explain to him?
soundwave
soundwave
I have sex with my wife of 9 years for her enjoyment. I do it to make her happy even if I don't feel like doing it. I do it because I love her and want her to be happy. I'm thinking maybe you should consider divorce. Someone out there loves you. Go find that someone. Why waste your time?
refurb
refurb
Sadly your marriage is dead
You both trashed the marriage vows by being unfaithful
You both went out of marriage and shared intimacy with others
That is just reality
Now each of you play acts in the bedroom
He objectifies you
And you want vulnerability and intimacy from him which you’ve already taken from another “man”

If you really believe that there is life to your marriage ... each of you should stop having sex, give it up for three months , no masterbation ... nothing
And at the same time go to marriage counseling

If you won’t do that

Divorce immediately tosave your kids from the phony family facade that you and Thier father portray

Trying to fool your kids is rotten you selfish and will only mess with thier world
Salemgirl
Salemgirl
Oh I so understand what you are going through oh my gosh I to am craving touch sex I am a very sexual women. I am 52 and been married to the same man since I have been 17. I have never cheated and never had a thought of cheating ,because we have had good relationship oh yes we to have had our up and downs but always had good sex. I to feel like a object it's been only fast sex no nothing . I know just like you it's frustrating I need and I a m sure you to more than that . It's ok for a fast sex but come on for I have say 6 years it's been bad . I to have been thinking of just the thought of someone touching and having a loving connection ! I thought I was wrong in thinking this . But to hear someone else to I to have tried to arouse my self it just does not help the fact I need human touch in this department. Thank you I really thought I was the only one . I really don't know what to do but all I know it's hard because it's something I crave ..
Salemgirl
Salemgirl
I have read the comments, divorce but it's so hard . I wish of a easier answer it's sad . I wish the feeling was not so strong I would of never of thought this feeling would be so strong and emotional draining on someone . Sexual contact and a loving touch I am telling you we need this to be happy .
finallyawakenow
finallyawakenow
Yes. We do need it. My marriage almost died from the distance between us. Hurt on both sides. Now we are trying to forgive ourselves and just be kind to eachother. Actually bringing trust back. But she really checked out for quite a long time and I’m not sure if she’s able to come back completely. Some points may be too far to return from. We play a little but she can’t bring herself to touch me, yet? I don’t want to put any pressure on her because that won’t help to rebuild. I am really craving to be touched though. I give her massages almost every night. I enjoy pleasing her and the closeness helps me to not feel so, well, untouchable. I try to not dwell on it. It’s not easy though
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