might go into the category of your bf being a selfish lover, I would like to think in a good relationship , each partner would be getting as much as they were giving, I'm sure thats not the norm, but the ratio should be close IMO

There is no normal or abnormal, whatever both people like is normal for that couple.

I've never been in a relationship where it wasn't equal pleasure for both of us and I wouldn't stay in a relationship where my wants and needs weren't being met.

We don't consider any sex act as doing a favor for him or a favor for me. We both give to each other because we want to pleasure each other and we both get pleasure from givine and enjoy giving as much as we both enjoy receiving.

I would talk to him outside the bedroom at a time sex isn't on the agenda. let him know how you feel about it and let him know what you want and need. I would also ask him why the raincheck and why there needs to be a time limit on anything, what's the big rush?

Your sex life should be about both of you getting the pleasure you both want, not just what he wants.

That sounds pretty insensitive to me. Jeez, those are awful things to say to someone who is in love with you and inviting you to be intimate.

I agree with what others have said here, it is best when it is a two-way street.

From my observation, there are two sexual dynamics one can engage. One is to focus on your partner and driving them crazy. The other is to focus on yourself. The two things are completely compatible and in fact complementary. It is nice to have and nice to be had. Both dynamics can be super hot for your partner but in different ways.

You sound like you have this figured out but your bf is only living in the receiver dynamic. That's not as much fun for either of you, in my opinion (which is almost never wrong, mostly).

It will sound trite but communication is the key to getting through this. Talking isn't communication but it's a start. You need to get below the superficial level and you will find a level that will cause this to make a lot more sense. This will make it better. There are levels below that too, but one step at a time.

To give you an idea of this. I was sexually abused by a female babysitter when I was 5. Sometimes things make me uncomfortable and I've been reluctant to explain it or wasn't able to explain it because I hadn't come to grips with it. To my partner, this might have seemed like something it wasn't. You just never know until the other person tells you

I'd be concerned if he's not willing to reciprocate. Some men actually enjoy giving their partners pleasure more than they enjoy getting pleasure themselves (or rather giving their partners pleasure gives them pleasure). I'm in that category.

I have found that myself I give way more then I receive. Has always been that way with every girl I ever dated and even my Ex-wife of 18 years together. I just love to do it and receive but it was alway way more giving then receiving.

You shouldn't have to 'ask' he should offer, it should definitely be equal.

I definitely agree that this guy sounds like a selfish over. In a healthy committed relationship, both partners should realize that, if they expect this person to be committed to them exclusively, they have a certain responsibility to take care of that person's needs.

I don't agree that it should necessarily be equal, many couples have different sex drives, but both should definitely be getting what they need from the relationship. Personally, I receive a bit more than I give, but I always do my best to take care of his needs.

@ Deb, when I say equal pleasure, I don't mean it in keeping a score card kind of way, I went down on you for X amount of time so now you have to go down on me for X amount of time or I did this so you have to do that. By equal, I mean both partnters getting their wants and nees fulfilled.

...as long as you both cum up panting and sweaty than I think both parties did a job well done..........keeping score a childish...

idk that there is a "norm" 4 this. but i find that i give way more than i ever receive. ive learned 2 live with it.

Is it a great privilege to give me sexual favors, and that should be enough for you? Is he selfish and inconsiderate outside of the bedroom as well?

i agree with what every one else has said, your needs and wants should be met too.

try talking to him about it outside of the bedroom.

good luck

He sounds like a "user",
and that in my book, makes him a loser.

You can do way better.

Everyone's using, even you. the word selfish......& Oh! it surely is but what I am gonna also call him is an IDIOT a complete STUPID ASS! It's not only selfish but in my mind it is also mean to knowingly not satisfy your woman. It's stupid cuz it's just a matter of time before he finds himself without you. You look so beautiful! He's either dumb or crazy!

Thanks for all your answers and advice! I talked to my boyfriend briefly about this a few days ago, and I'll be seeing him in about three weeks, so I'll see if anything changes. I definitely see what many of you mean about how he should want to please me, and it should not feel like an obligation.