that gave me a little chuckle, well done. However it's also a little sad.

Hi shortie I thought about it, folded my list up and put it in my bag.

Then went and told him what I'd seen. I said its totally up to him what he's into, that we all have our own 'thing' but that it explains a lot.

I said that his impotence makes me feel old, unwanted, unattractive and unsexy and while I appreciate how frustrating it is for him, I'm now thinking about it from my side for a change. I said that all we do is a bit of shopping together, eat a couple of meals a week together, watch tv and cuddle in bed before we go to sleep.

He started talking about other people our age and I repeated that I don't care about them, I'm thinking about what I want now. I've hung around for over 5 years and I accept that was my decision and that he's never lied or misled me.

There was no argument, he put his points and I put mine, then I came home.

This is so hard, and so against what I've always been like, I've always considered other's points of view, see their side of it etc so I feel a bit shaky now. But I'm proud that I was honest and didn't get upset like I usually do.

No idea what happens now :/

Don't panic about what happens next...... Take some time and see what he does. Sometime you need to stand up for yourself, you can't always been seen to put everyone else first or that's what they expected and then out of habit never think to put you or your needs/wants first once in a while.
I hope that nerves have steady a bit by now.
Look after you.

I am so sorry you are going through this. He sounds so much like my husband. This is quite devastating emotionally for you. It is quite unfair to you.

In my situation my self esteem took a pretty bad hit in my marriage. So I decided to each day to dress pretty and sexy (not sleezy). When I go out I enjoy getting a lot of attention. But when I go home my husband barely notices me. Heck, he does not know when I get my hair done or even when I am wearing something sexy. So now I dress for me not for him.

Now, I do have some male friends he does not know about. I am not able to do as much now (in terms of going out and having fun) because I have a busy schedule. These men give me attention and say nice things. But I am not interested in anyone, just find the attention exciting. If my husband had not ignored me I doubt I would have cared who paid attention to me. I plan to enjoy my life one way or another. Life is short and I am not going to sit home and plead with him to show me attention. I get hugs and kisses but he rarely initiate sex.

I say let these men watch porn and play with their toys as much as they want, while we enjoy the company of other men. Why should we have to demand their sexual attention. I once put a lot of effort into doing things to make my husband happy but now I have refocused my attention to making me happy.

Life is too short to be unhappy. We can never expect anyone to make us happy. Our husbands are their own worst enemy. They neglect a loving spouse for porn and destroy a marriage. This makes no sense. I no longer worry about my marriage issue anymore nor will I feel responsible when the marriage is over. My husband should have paid better attention.

I would advised you to take care of yourself. Put more time and effort in making yourself happy. Spend time with friends going out. Dress your best at all times to make you feel good. Work on improving you for your own happiness. I also go to the gym and this makes me feel good.

I have talked with my husband a thousand times and nothing seem to work. Now I am done talking.

What can I say...men ARE visually oriented and stimulated...sometimes the young hotties are the only thing that makes our dicks hard. At 67, he's lucky to get it up at all.

Thanks for all the comments. I do feel a bit calmer now.

Hi Koolman, he is impotent now and rarely gets hard, from ur comment is that average for a guy his age then? Nobody tells women these things. During our conversation I said our sexlife is pretty rubbish and that we're having better sex alone than we are with each other, him with his porn and me with my vibrator! To which he replied sadly 'ah yes the porn's not that good, it doesn't make it work' implying that he was hoping it would get it going.

Shortie and Lightbulb, thanks for the support. I'm having some counselling to try and help me work out better what I want from life and how to go about getting it without getting stuck in the eternal spiral of thoughts that take me nowhere. I am starting to see things differently

I am realising that he is old and stuck in his ways and I've got more living left to do. I'm not ready for old people's sex yet. I'm not wasting any more time.

Yeah since you are not married it might be easier to just let him go. I am married and can't get divorce as yet. A while back I told my hubby to let's have an open marriage so we won't have to divorce and he refused. I told him he can date whoever he chooses, I would too, but we just don't discuss it. I guess if he had agreed to an open marriage I would not feel guilty to being with another man.

My husband is in his 40's and he refuses to try viagra and is delaying checking his testosterone level. He said we argue too much and he has anxiety around performing. I don't know if I believe him and I don't know when his anxiety will leave. I asked him if he is depressed and suggest he try antidepressants but he refuse to take any pills.

I am meeting some interesting men I think are a great catch. I don't want to miss an opportunity to date a great guy who is very interested (and yes even sexually interested). I won't have sex with anyone as yet, at least not until I think the time is right. My marriage has lost its importance to me. My husband seem to think I don't have desires and I will never be unfaithful.

Your boyfriend may never give you the sexual attention you want. You have to focus on you.

His impotence may have to do with his health or medications..

There are many dicks older than his that still are in working order and ready for action.
He may not be able to get his working & can only enjoy porn in his mind or the touching of his limp one.
there are medications to wake up his penis if it is 'broke'.
He may be uncomfortable goin to a doc about this, but there's stuff he can get through mail order that will help.

Talk to him to see what's goin on or 'not going on' may be best talking at night when lights are off to ease embassment.

Try dating younger men. Maybe when I get older I will try younger too (lol). Time will tell.

Actually maybe my husband does not need Viagra. He said he has no problem getting hard but he just don't think of sex as I do. We do have sex ( though rarely) usually after I initiate it. Soooooo boring to be mostly the initiator. I am still young. I thought Viagra would help him get excited about sex so he would initiate it too. He wont try it. He buys me things but things cannot replace sex. I want a man who does both, spend on me and have lots of sex.

I have friends in their mid 40's date guys in their early 30's for that reason.

That saying 'men are visual creatures,' is ridiculous...like women aren't?

Of course Pattern, we women are utterly uninterested in anything visual ;) The sight of a young, handsome, tanned male body leaves us cold! The glimpse of Daniel Craig emerging from the sea in his speedos has us reaching for the off switch! Watching young fit athletes (especially the hurdlers !!!!!) holds utterly no interest for us!

Women are above 'all that'. We prefer the look of a friendly pot belly, a kind balding head, an interesting 'characterful' face'. We prefer cuddles and candlelight! We aren't visual creatures!

At leat that's what the pot bellied, bald, ugly old men want to think!

Guffaw guffaw! Snort! I am almost choking!

ha yes...very good

But ah yes, the Viagra!

Brilliant, great, I loved him taking it! He got it when I was new and exciting and when he thought I was worth the utterly extortionate cost. I loved it! Sex like I hadn't had since I was young! I wanted it to carry on and assumed it would.

But for him the cost obviously outweighed the desire and enjoyment and he didn't go back for more. Here in the UK we have to pay. I thought it was worth it. He obviously didn't. This is with the benefit of hindsight. At the time I was confused, sad and didn't understand what was going on at all.

Now I do.

He's old. He prefers gardening, playing music, cooking and watching TV to having real sex with me. He's been using porn to try and keep his aging old bits hard (or whatever) but now even that's not working.
And I've gone along with it, trying to rationalise, to compromise, to accept the facsimile of sex he offers, the 'mutual masturbation' giving him BJ's which he still loves (of course). Teenage sex with an old man.

I'm a not-quite-as-old woman. I still want real sex, not teenage fumbling. I might be too old to be able to bag a hot young guy any more but hopefully there's a few guys around who won't throw up at the sight of me (as men are so visual!) who are still capable of giving me a good time.

He can stay a friend. Or not. Up to him.