It's normal for an abuser.. How many times do we have to tell you to get out

I really wish it was as simple as just walking out the door. But its not.

Yes it is. You pack your things and go to a women's shelter and start your life over.

And once you get to the shelter, you call your family and say - I made a mistake. I need help.
If they won't help you, the people at the shelter will

Yup, I just talked to another lady today...her husband beat the shit out of her...called the police...he went to jail....

She bailed him out and "life is grand"

I dont wanna sound crass hon....

But it is that simple.

The only reason it isnt simple for you is it has become your normal...it is what you are used to ...and in a way...you feel safe in it verses the unknown.

There are so many resources out there for you to get help...Shelters, churches, friends....family...

Heck...I am a guy and I dont know you...and if i knew someone like you that was being abused...I would open my house in a minute to help...I am sure there are other people out there like me...and yes, my friend didnt want help...she chose to stay where she is instead of coming to my place till she could get on her feet...and I have 3 unused empty rooms right now....

Bonnie, it's abuse and he's not going to stop! That is not normal male behavior, a normal male does not abuse his partner. Call 911, go to the police, a women's shelter, a neighbor, a co-worker, a clergy and tell them what's going on.

Don't stick around and wait until it's too late when you're either seriously injured or dead. Don't say he would never go that far because you don't know he wouldn't. Abuse doesn't subside, it doesn't stay the same, it escalates.

Here's the phone number for the National Domestic Hotline
1-800-799-7233 They will help you! Here's their site: http://www.thehotline.org/

No, it's not normal.
Guys like that should be castrated.

Reading this post, and a few of your other ones, I find myself sad. My ex was a guy who wouldn't know how to appreciate the people in his life if they were covered in gold. Especially girlfriends. Towards the end he started trying to rip my hair out whenever we had arguments. For 7 years before, I watched my older sister and person I worshiped go through hell and back with two abusive a**holes.
It's hard to walk out. You may even crave the drama just to get something out of the guy. But as long as you take one step forward without taking two steps back, it'll get easier. Visualize yourself as the one person in the world you would do anything to protect and keep happy.

If I may further add to what leatherandlace (Reply #6) has said.

The National Domestic Abuse Hotline - 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) is available 24/7/365 so you could phone anytime to speak with an advocate. Its sister website - www.thehotline.org is also a resource to look at. Please become familiar with the red QUICK ESCAPE button located on that website. It will immediately take you away from the website in case you feel you are being watched.

Delete your search history on your internet browser so no one can follow your website activities and know where you have been looking. If you do not know how, depending on your internet browser each has a HELP section which would assist you. Clear your history frequently.

If you have important papers, gather them up into one location for easy access should you need to leave where you are in a hurry.

If you can, start putting away money which no one else knows about. It is best to start so you have even limited financial resources to use should you need it.

Start considering an Exit Plan while you have the opportunity. Use all the resources available to you. YOU are worth any effort to keep yourself safe and to have a happy life.

I have seen this situation before and it is correct that he will escalate. And when you leave, as it seems you should for your own safety, he will promise you the moon if you come back to him. He will promise to change, maybe even seek counseling for his problem. He will do anything to win you back, so he can start the merry-go-round yet again.

I do not know how long you have been with him, but the longer it has been, the harder it will be. The longer you continue to wait, the harder it will be as well.

Find the women's shelter near you so you know where it is. Also get the number for victims advocate - lots of times it's a state number.. You may be able to get the number from the police, or if you dont want to do that, i think you can get it from 211.
They are very helpful, even if you aren't ready to leave, they will talk to you, give you suggestions and guide you...

Those hotlines are good, but you need to have all the local information so you can make your get away...

Also, do not mention it to him or he will become more possessive, controlling and make your life more of a living hell.

Also once you leave you will have to be strong and never return to him.. Let the victims advocate know you will need help to do this...

We all want you safe Bonnie. Please get the help you need...I know it's hard and very scary, but there are people out there who will help you.. Don't be anyone's victim....

I havent been around ( at least commenting on threads) in a while, but saw this and i have to respond to it..

I completely understand that its not easy to just walk out. Thats because of years of conditioning and mental emotional abuse that has ripped your self esteem away and has you convinced that " its not so easy" and " you cant live without him".. I dont know if youve been with this guy for years , but i spent 5 years of my life with a man who abused me severely and ultimately helped his parents take my new born baby away from me. I havent seen him since he was 2 and hes 14 now...

it isnt that easy to walk away, even less easy if you do have years invested in the relationship.. but its necessary because it will only get worse, eventually he might even accidently or intentionally kill you. is that what your waiting for?

I used shelter to get out. i spent months living in a womans shelter, then transitioned into my own apt that was attached to a nunery or whatever you call a house full of nuns, till i finally was able to get into my own real apartment

i spent another year and a half going to domestic violence counseling with a wonderful therapist who helped reverse all the brain washing and damage that had been done to my self esteem and self worth.

its true that you really do feel like you deserve it. i remember the very first time my husband hit me. he threw me into the bathroom sink so hard that it literally dismounted from the wall. .. that being the first time you can imagine how much worse it got over the years....but afterwards, he turned it around on me and i ended up grabbing onto the back of his shirt as he was leaving crying and begging him not to go, apologizing. for what??!!? ...

well im just saying , coming from someone whos been there and literally survived certain death , it might not seem at this moment that you can do it, but believe me , you can.. u might have to sacrafice A LOT of things to do it, but you can always get those things back, or new things that are even better than what you have now, what you cant get back is your life, or un scarred skin if he starts having u need to be stitched up, or an eye if he takes one out in the midst of punching your face... the list is endless.....

it is and will be hard work, but the sooner you leave the sooner youll heal. the man who loves you unconditionally and will treat you the way you deserve to be treated is out there looking for you right now, and by not leaving the situation your in, your making it impossible for him to find you.
just sayin....

I will not add anything to the already great advice. I will only encourage you Bonnie to get the COURAGE to do this. You CAN do this and though any hardship you might suffer from going out on your own, it is of FREE choice. You can do this, we all believe in you and all support you.

Now I'd like to add this part: I never, NEVER can get in my mind how this happens. I'm talking about as the guy. I just don't understand how a "man" (or shall I refer to him as the "animal") can bring himself to abuse a woman. How can a guy grab someone's hair or head and shake them around? Or punch? Or throw? Or any of it? I just can't comprehend it. That is SO unbelievably cowardly that it makes me literally want to get my knee and drive it into his nose. What an absolute joke of a person. And that goes for ALL of the abusers out there.

This is going to sound way wrong but please don't take it that way: It's basically a man picking on a weaker human being. I'm strictly talking about physically. A man normally is a bit taller, stronger, heavier than the woman. He physically can get away with these acts. And once he proves physically that he has the upper hand, the mental control comes in to play. I don't know this, I only imagine that's what happens.

(((Sigh))) I'm so mad. I wish I could take this guy on myself and set him straight. And you know, even if he takes it to me, at least he'd have something to deal with. He'd not leave there without really thinking about his actions next time.

Hang tough Bonnie!!! Inspire yourself to take action. Prove to yourself that you're better than this.

in my experience its been the other way around, usually there is a honey moon period where he reels the woman in hook line and sinker, then the mental control/abuse starts to break her spirit , then the physical . they have to be sure that you are dependent on them before they show their true colors.
they isolate you from family and friends, in most cases the family and friends are so tired of hearing about it and supporting someone who " obviously doesnt want to leave ".. they just step out completely.
it took me a solid year of being away from him before my family crawled out of the wood work to help me with legal fees and support in my custody case against his parents.. so ya, thats my experience anyway...

If I may interject some humor:

I thought normal male behavior was burping, farting, drinking beer and watching sports.

Sorry for your woes.

^^^^

WTF! Why would you say that to her? Sick.

I'm sorry Bonnie, take the advice that everyone has given you here and get the strength and courage to walk away. It will be scary right now but you're so strong and YOU CAN DO THIS!