Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
My bf just got home from overseas and we have been experimenting a little with role playing and lite bondage. When I am the dom and he "misbehaves" his "punishment" is to loose his ability to do something (cuffing him, blind folding him, using restraints, etc.), but past all that what are some other things that I can do to rock his world? Night before last I used ice and he seemed like he liked that, but I need some new ideas. Maybe by me bringing in some new things he will want to try them on me or even bring in some stuff of his own. We aren't having sex yet ... just foreplay ... I was raped in September and I still have a lot of things to get over before we can go all the way. Thanks for yall's help and I look forward to reading your responses.
few ideas are the use of sex toys or sex devices, some pain stimulation if he and you are into that, orgasm control, teasing, telling him what to do to you, hot wax play with Japanese drip candles made for sex play, flogging, anal penetration if he's into that, the list is endless but again, it depends on his and your boundaries.
Make sure he has a *safe word* to use with any type of bdsm play in case he needs things stopped for any reason they are to be stopped immediately. A safe word is a word he would not use at any other time during a sex act. Example, popcorn is my safe word, he knows if I say popcorn, he needs to stop whatever is going on immediately. Using any kind of restraints, make sure they are safe to use, make sure they aren't a material that will tighten and cut off his circulation. It's the Dom/Domme's job to make sure the sub is comfortable and kept safe at all times and never leave a person restrained alone in the room, not even for one minute.
When you say misbehaving, do you mean him being a brat (a sub that refuses to obey the Dom/Domme's commands) or do you mean him misbehaving is a part of your role playing scene?
especially the use of a safe word --- first rule
second is know your limits and know his limits - frank discussion is a must a major requirement IMHO
anything that effects his senses - touch, smell, sight, taste and hearing
if you remove one or more of these the other senses are heightened.
restrained and blindfolded - intensifies his sense of touch
i was once tied spread eagle, blindfolded and had earmuffs placed over my ears.... she teased every inch of my body - ice, feathers, clamps, and used my sense of smell as she allowed me to smell the warm chocolate syrup prior to topping me with it.
intense !!!
SAFE SANE AND CONSENSUAL
For some people who role play and act submissive or Dominant, if they're acting it then chances are they have some of it (Dominant or submissiveness) inside of themselves to begin with and acting it out is a way of expressing that side of their sexuality.
I'm a switch but I lean much more towards the submissive side. I don't "act" as a submissive, I AM a submissive (or a Domme at times I do switch). These are my sexual needs, I didn't make myself this way, it's just who I am, it's how I'm sexually wired, it's a part of me and always have been. I knew this would be my sexual lifestyle from the time I was in my early teens, before I ever had partner sex. I didn't know there was actually a name for it, but I new what my sexuality was.
As Leather said, for me, there's nothing phony about my submission. It's an expression of who I am, not just sexually, but in our relationship. I never feel closer to him than when I know that he's in complete control, that everything that happens to me, is happening because he wants it to, and that he knows I trust him absolutely. It's not acting. It's my husband and me.
When I say misbehaving I am talking about him being a brat and not listening to my commands, and in a role play scene. He doesn't really like being spanked a lot so that "punishment" is only used when we are both really into it (then it doesn't bother him to bad) but if we are just starting out it isn't good for him.
Dark: We have had a lot of very open discussions about what we like and don't like, but there are a lot of things that I mention doing to him and he tells me "I don't know if I will like that or not", the same goes for some of the things he tells me. Simply for the fact that neither one of us has either heard or thought of the things the other is talking about.
I know there is a lot of stuff that I don't know about this because I never had anyone willing to try any of this with me before so any other ideas are more than welcome ;)
PS my bf says hi lol