You knew this prior to marrying your husband? The only thing you can do is talk to your husband outside of the bedroom. Share your wants, needs and desires with him and ask him to share his with you. Let him know you'd like to try new things in the bedroom with him and see if he is interested or willing to give it a try. Why would you be embarrassed dressing sexy and seducing your husband? You don't know if it will work unless you try. If all else fails try seeing a therapist.

this can be fixed in three easy steps.

1) price plane ticket to New England.
2) ...

But, no, seriously, that sucks that you are going through that. I would second marriage counseling. not really sure what else to tell you.

Not to be critical. But i might suggest checking all the personal things with yourself. I hate to say this but After the kids are born sometimes we both men and women can let ourselves go. Be sure to be well groomed and remove all the reasons not to have sex. Simple stress like a messy house or a unorganized life can cause worry that can and does effect libido.
This is just a thought.

There are many reasons that can cause this. I saw that you have 5 children. Some times men are turned off for witnessing child birth. The core values of him growing up the way he did probably has the most to do with it. Especially if he was taught that sex is wrong in some sort of way. I dont know his history, but it took me a long time to get over the catholic stigma of sex being wrong or taboo. Counciling could help you both if he wont talk to you about it then it would be a good way to get his inibitions out with someone neutral.
Hugs and best of luck.

We didn't have sex before we got married, so I wouldn't have known.

I don't dress sexy because I have done it in the past and not had great results from it. I did a few times in the beginning and it seemed okay, but not in the last few years.

I make sure to be well-groomed, as it was put. I am a clean person, regular showers, brush my teeth every day, the whole bit. I put on makeup and do my hair almost every day, as well. I do have 5 kids, so yes, there are days that I don't do my makeup. Generally, though, I make myself presentable. I've always been told by other people that I am an attractive girl. I've never really thought otherwise. My husband has complimented my appearance a handful of times in our marriage, he's just not big on compliments.

I don't see a difference in his behavior toward me whether I look clean and made up or if I wear sweatpants and a bun in my hair. It makes little difference, except that sometimes he'll ask why I didn't get dressed that day. Sometimes he doesn't even ask.

I started to think that maybe he just didn't notice how I looked, but last night he did remark about the fact that I hadn't worked out for the day. I jokingly asked why it was so important and he said "well, you ARE getting a belly." Not the sweetest thing to say in the world (especially to someone who responds to compliments the way I do) but there is some truth to it. I'm not obese, or even overweight. But, I have an extra few pounds and in the right outfit, it shows. So, of course, my husband knows about it.

I don't know, maybe that's it? I like to think my husband would not be so shallow that 10 pounds would ruin his idea of me. I guess I am wrong. I'm barely 5' and I weigh about 110. Technically, that is a healthy weight, but my belly hangs over my pants, so I am attempting to get rid of it. After that comment, I kind of feel like drinking all of my meals.

I think you have scratched the surface when your husband was making a comment. That was your opportunity to talk to him further to see if he joking or being honest. I can't imagine having 5 kid's but one thing I know, is to always look nice so he doesn't have a reason to bitch plus it will make you feel better. Take the extra time to put yourself together so you feel good and when you feel good and look good he will feel your vibes. Trust me, men don't care if once in a while you're just in sweats and hanging out doing gardening or the lawn but they sure don't like to see their SO looking like that all the time. I'm old school so see what the younger generation thinks when they post here.

I would get you a geezer boyfriend and bone in like you own him..prolly

Husbands Who Don't Get It

Eileen and her husband Bob went for counseling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow!

Eileen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused.

The therapist turned to Bob and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'

Bob thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf.

Some good (and funny!) comments and advice. :)

I have been massively stressed about his for weeks, and my husband caught on. He took me out to dinner last night and we talked a bit. He says he just doesn't really know what to say. He says he does see my efforts and thinks that I look good, he just doesn't know how to say that to me. Other than that, he is stressed at work and exhausted when he gets home, so he just isn't really in romance mode most days. He also said that he feels like we aren't even very good friends, so he has a hard time taking it any further than that.

So, I can understand all that. the problem is that I just don't know what to do from there. He said he feels like actin like we really like and care for each other in a romantic way would feel fake to him. He doesn't want a divorce, he says he loves me, we just aren't nice to each other. So it's hard to like each other. For me, I feel like hugs and kisses are a great place to start to get us back into that emotional connection. He needs the emotional connection before the hugs and kisses. I don't know how to do that. I connect through physical touch. I hug and kiss and snuggle my kids all the time because I love them. I don't understand what he wants. :/

Mommy -

I am going to answer based on your last entry that you just posted here.

I was in a similar situation with my partner and here is what we have done to change and get back on track.

-He stopped drinking entirely (it was a daily event for him)
-We go on dates once a week, regardless what our money situation is that week/month. (I'm a business owner so income is variable)
-We make a point to walk the dog together everyday.
-We eat dinner together and watch a movie together while eating dinner.
-We make sure we go to bed together every night. This was a change for me. Our work schedules are very different. He work at 7am, my first sessions are not until at least 9 but usually I do not have sessions until the afternoon and I work until 9-10pm sometimes. It was a change for me to try to wind down around 10 or so, regardless of when I got home, so that we could go to bed together.
-We have discussed going to an acupuncturist for our individual issues. Him for social anxiety disorder, me for a highly stressful career and PTSD.
-We TALK a lot more. I think that the conversation you guys had was great, but you need to continue it. If he needs emotional connection BEFORE hugs and kisses, ask him how he needs it then.

I am a very blunt person in a relationship. I say exactly what I need and why I need it. Open communication is extremely important in order to make it work.

you may not want to read this but saddle up for some truths,
first of all, you write in a post that your *almost* a size one, and on here that you have extra weight?? not to be critical but maybe thats why he doesn't want to be intimate, he might be afraid to break you in half, a size zero is NOT healthy neither is a size 1, a man is attracted to a woman who is confident with their body reguardless of the size and if your really viewing yourself as having excess weight and truly are a size 1 or 0 then that could be the stem of many of your issues with your relationship and could possibly be an underlying health problem to yourself as well.
I hope things work out with you and your husband.

No, I'm not almost a size one, that is why it was funny. In fact, I was wearing some size 8 pants at the time. I didn't know if the woman was blind or I was just hiding it well.

I am also really blunt in communicating my needs, but I don't think my husband can appreciate that. To him, if I have to spell it out for him bluntly then he takes offense. I don't know, maybe it comes across wrong, but I have never meant it to. I just have no problem telling him what I want, but he thinks he is supposed to have already known.

I agree, the conversations need to continue. I just feel incredibly awkward starting them. I don't want to come across as attacking or anything of that sort, but, I do feel there are some big issues for us to tackle. When I approach the issues, he is immediately defensive. That makes it hard to fully communicate. I feel like we have half conversations. We both say things, but nothing changes as a result. Therefore, I feel that no connection was made in the conversation and I feel like no progress was made, so I continue to be frustrated as he goes about his day-to-day life as if he were fine. It's been a cycle that we got ourselves stuck in.

I would like to initiate some changes that include both of our needs. I just have a lot of fear when it comes to doing that.

Maybe it would help him to understand the conversation if you wrote things out in a letter. Using a lot of I feel statements instead of you statements. That way he does not feel pressured to respond immediately and he can re-read and have something concrete that lays out what you need.

I totally agree with Anthem about the letter, that way you feel comfortable writing exactly the things you need to and it will be hard to say somethings even in a letter but if you truly love your husband which seems like you do since your here asking for advice you will give him the benefit of the doubt to maybe talk with him, feel around the issue maybe get deep and try to figure out why he's like this, sometimes when your raised so strictly it takes awaile to break free of the sterotypes, let him know your both adults now and you can both explore each other, in fact you should, it keeps you closer, just tell him every single thing you want and feel, make sure he reads it, i know it will be uncomfortable for you and maybe he does want the same things as you but is scared, i know if i was a man and was treated like my urges were a bad thing id have issues with them too, you just need to let him know you love him and you both will work on finding out the good stuff togethor, hopefully that will open him up a little for you