Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
I had a big vascular surgery in February and didn't feel right for months.i didn't know my body was producing too much testosterone and my breasts were atrophying. I decided to take dance lessons to cheer me up. I got a crush on the dance instructor. Because of my hormones and history of sexual abuse, I started hyperventilating and it must have looked really bad. I knew he was uncomfortable, but was surprised when he told me he couldn't dance with me anymore because of "something else"... I started shaking from a PTSD episode and he ended up hugging me till the shaking stopped.
I didn't really understand what something else meant, but I found out he felt raped or sexually assaulted. I did not touch him inappropriately ever; I guess I may have been making too much eye contact and sometimes hyperventilating, though not too aware of it.
In September, I showed up for a dance party and he angrily opened the door. He had a bizarre, cruel look on his face and I knew I was in danger. I finally smiled and he smiled back, letting me in. Then I feel either his leg or crotch forcibly parting my butt cheeks. I cried out "dear god please stop" and I heard his voice behind me say "it's okay" I feel bad if he felt raped, but I didn't understand at the time. I had accepted that he wouldn't dance with me and never bothered him again. Now I feel traumatized by the whole thing and don't go back there anymore. My butt hurts a lot, I know this is in my head.
I didn't really understand what something else meant, but I found out he felt raped or sexually assaulted. I did not touch him inappropriately ever; I guess I may have been making too much eye contact and sometimes hyperventilating, though not too aware of it.
In September, I showed up for a dance party and he angrily opened the door. He had a bizarre, cruel look on his face and I knew I was in danger. I finally smiled and he smiled back, letting me in. Then I feel either his leg or crotch forcibly parting my butt cheeks. I cried out "dear god please stop" and I heard his voice behind me say "it's okay" I feel bad if he felt raped, but I didn't understand at the time. I had accepted that he wouldn't dance with me and never bothered him again. Now I feel traumatized by the whole thing and don't go back there anymore. My butt hurts a lot, I know this is in my head.
Is this for real?
Did you kick him!?
What a jerk this guy is!
Is that guys nuts only in his head? didn't make sense ? neither did He or his actions.
Your butt hurts in your head?
I'm sorry this happened to you, it's bad enough you were already uncomfortable there, then the bastard has to 'hurt' you like that?
How many others has raped in his time? Guys like him need permanent ED...
It's not just kneeing someone in the bum as they walk in the door. No matter how horrible and childish that may be, it's not rape.
I'm only saying this to the responders in this thread because 'that's sexual assault' is outrageously inflammatory.
So first we need some facts before we call the police and get people locked up. Exactly what did he do?
OP: did you feel something whack you in the bottom? Fully clothed I take it? For a second, or repeatedly, and if so for how long?
If it was one knee to the arse on the way in the door, which is what I took out of the OP, I personally would put it down to the guy being a douche and forget about it. You've creeped him out, he's done something horrible back, all's square and now it's time to forget it.
the fact that you're a rape survivor might've freaked you out too, but that's your history, rather than his crime, as I am sure you know.
I'm feeling that perhaps people have forgotten what it's like to play in the school playground with the other kids and have mud tipped on them or forced to eat sand. Sometimes the other kids are horrible.
And maybe they get a whack on the bum, and made to say sorry - but that's about it. Locking them up for ten years away from their wives and children is extreme.
Maybe people are a bit more basic here in New Zealand but I can perfectly imagine some guy kneeing you in the butt, and not really meaning anything about it either, just being a guy. People are possibly more physical here. And guys are repulsive. I remember going on a date and we were on a bus, I was leaned over my seat talking to the person behind me, turned around and this guy was pretending to be riding me like a rodeo. Needless to say i didn't let him walk me home afterwards. what a jerk.
I wouldn't worry about it too much. You never have to see this guy again. Unless you have a brother who would like to go round and punch him in the mouth for you?
1. I like ballroom dancing.
2. I took lessons in April.
3. Dancing with a male partner triggered fear/ arousal feelings because I have PTSD from attempted rape by my uncle, which was in a standing position, being pinned against my grandmother's bed.
4. I could not hide my reaction, especially from one instructor, who confronted me and said he could not dance with me because of "something else"
5. I began shaking uncontrollably and he had to hug me until I stopped
6. I did not bother him anymore, but in August I was assaulted by him in the doorway
2. All the steps still confuse me.
It's almost like me saying.
I like painting
Took painting lessons
The teacher commented on the painting
I felt raped because what he said or did reminded me of something in my past
He attacked me months later
Sequencing and logic don't seem right or I am missing something.