What would the world be like without women?



A pain in the ass!

True deb very true. Lol I for one are very grateful there are women in the world.

Knock knock

Who's there ?

Jack was returning to work Monday morning with two black eyes. His workmates were understandably curious: "Jack, what happened to you?!?" "It was the darndest thing! I was at church yesterday, and this woman stood up in front of me. You know how a dress can get stuck in the crack of a womans butt? It looked funny and I figured she wouldn't like that, so I just reached over and pulled it out with a little tug. Next thing I know, she spins around and socks me one!"

"Jeez, you got TWO black eyes in one blow?"

"Naw. After she turned back around, I figured she was angry that I pulled the dress out of her crack, so I tried to poke it back in..."

I guy goes to the eye doctor with his broken glasses. The doctor says wow you really destroyed these what happened?? I was kissing my girlfriend goodnight she crossed her legs and that's what happened!!!!!

Fireman Sex

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, 'You know, we have
a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our
jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're
on the fire truck ready to go.



'From now on when I say BELL 1, I want you to strip naked.
When I say BELL 2, I want you to jump in bed.
And when I say BELL 3, We are going to make love all night.'

The next night he came home from work and yelled ' BELL 1!' The wife
promptly took all her clothes off.



When he yelled 'BELL 2!', the wife jumped into bed.
When he yelled ' BELL 3!', they began making love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled 'BELL 4!'
'What the hell is BELL 4?' asked the husband?




'ROLL OUT MORE HOSE, 'she replied'
YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE.'

Good one Titans : )

A guy tells his shrink, "I think my dog is gay."
Shrink, "why do you think that?"
Man, "Because his penis tastes bitter."

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young Mothers and their small children. 'You all have obsessions,' he observed.

To the first mother, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.'

He turned to the second Mom. 'Your obsession is with money. Again, It manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.'

He turns to the third Mom. 'Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy.'

At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers, 'Come on, Dick, we're leaving.'

*********

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Lady 1: Whats that?

Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesnt get wet.

Lady 1: Where did you get it?

Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years old), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.

Doesnt matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.

The pharmacist fainted

***********

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, 'Murphy, I am so glad you decided to come to Mass, what made you come?'

Murphy said, 'I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn came to church every Sunday. I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass, and figured he would leave it in the back of church, so I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat.'

The priest said, 'Well, Murphy, I notice that you didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?'

Murphy said, 'Well, Father after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all.'

The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' you decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell, right ?"

Murphy shook his head and said, 'No, Father, after you talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat.

*******
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, 'Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today!'

Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, 'It
reminded me of a peanut.'

Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mom asked, 'Really small, was it?'

Sally replied, 'No... salty!'

Mom fainted