wow that is long time since you are married...I been that long but due to divorce only....anyway grab some from husband....what is his excuse?

My condolences.

However, the grass is not always greener on the single side of life. We want to have sex too and without a partner, it makes it tough.

I don't know why your husband doesn't have sex with you. You may want to do something about that. He did say, "for better or worse" during your marriage vows, right?

Well there are many factors, mainly he has some erection issues due to him smoking as well as being diabetic.... More importantly he did have a growth on his penis and he had to have it removed....thankfully not cancerous but it left him with a big hole and 2 operations and lots of healing. At least I have a companion

sorry to hear about your situation :( do you have any toys that your hubby can use on u? If he won't feel inferior, you should go out and get yourself the biggest dildo u can handle and have him use that on u...it might not be the real thing, but if I saw how turned on my woman got from using it on her I think I would be able to get hard with or without ED problems..lol

I can relate and am sorry Shan! I am always craving it , but have issues sometimes. Its very frustrating being someone that got hard when the wind blew the wrong way to now being someone that isnt sure everything is goign to work every time. :(

I think mine is more medication related from anti-depressants, but it tooks over 7 years to get on medication that works and I am not giving that up yet. So I will work twords a healthier lifestyle instead with diet and exorsize. :) lol

Shann,
I'm diabetic too, I have serious issues with diabetes, the only time I have a problem sexually b/c of diabetes is when I have an extreme low or extreme high BG level. But those are quickly fixed most of the time.

The smoking shouldn't be a big issue either, many guys smoke & keep women satisfied in bed.
If he smokes a lot he could take Vitamin C & drink at least 24 ounces of water a day. For some PPL the Vit. C reduces the urge to smoke too.

Has he had any erections since the doc cut his penis up ???

He's basically not into ANY type of sex or toys or anything. If he can't get pleasure it's off the table. That's the one main selfish thing about him which leads me to believe it's me. I've asked him to go down on me, or touch my breasts or sensual massage...nothing, won't do it. I have to pleasure myself when he's away which is most of the time.
Cowboy, no idea if he can get an erection since the cut. He says he can't, when he's drunk he's all over me wanting to try and I'm repulsed by his actions. I woke up one night last time he was home and he rented a $12.00 adult video and was trying to get hard, I couldn't really tell, I tried to pretend I didn't see it. That pissed me off.
I'm severely depressed, taken up many bad habits so I'm not always pleasant around him. I try, but it would help if he made an effort instead of just when he's drunk.
The combination of smoking and being diabetic is actually deadly in terms of a cause for impotence. He smokes way too much.
Even if he can't get an erection, there are ED drugs to try after he heals, but shouldn't he want to pleasure me? I'm not asking much I don't think. I've been more than patient and I don't expect it often. I feel more like I'm married to a friend than my lover

Oh hun, I am so sorry you are going through this. I wasn't going to reply, but the urge was just too great. Please don't be offended by what I'm about to say. I come from a good place. I'm on your side.

I think he's being very selfish. I understand that he has issues, but he should definitely want to satisfy you & bring you some sort of pleasure. You have been more than patient. What you have done for him is waaaaaay more than a man would do for us. 7 years? NO WAY would a man wait for us that long. I commend you.

I also think that he has some depression going on. This has his ego all screwed up! He needs to find a way to communicate how he feels, & be way more sympathetic to what you are going through as well. We have needs as well.

I know that his actions when he drinks are repulsive. It doesn't feel genuine, nor is that sexy. I find it very suspect that after all this time he has not even tried to see if you two can reconnect sexually. I am greatly concerned about that. I personally think that there is a bigger issue going on that is not being discussed. It's time for marriage counseling, as well as an honest open discussion between the 2 of you. He's very fortunate that you don't have a friend on the side to scratch that itch for you. You are a gem.

I wish you luck. It's been way too long. Life is way too short to live unhappy in anyway especially when there is a possible solution. Exhaust all options now, then decide if you want to continue to be put aside.

Thank you for your reply MsFrustrated. You made some great points and I appreciated your advice and all you had to say :)

I agree with MsFrustrated with everything she said.

Also it's not good for a diabetic to drink alcohol, it has a high sugar content.

Maybe he's embarrassed about having a defective dick now?
He's your husband he should be able to talk about those problems.

If mine was broke or at the point I had no urges, I'd at least want to sexually satisfy my wife in any way I could, toys, touching, ect.,cuddling n all that mushy stuff.

You have good reasons to be depressed Shan. I think you're you're married to your roommate not a friend, friends can talk about problems.

What happens when you try talking to him about the lack of affection?
It's not just sex you're missing, it's the bonding, the closeness,the intimacy. I also think you don't feel Loved by him.

I know the feeling from my 1st wife I fired.
We had sex, but I think I would've felt more love from a hooker.

I'll be right over...and will push your husband out of the way. He can sleep on the couch.

Haha awesome Koolman
Cowboy when I talk with him about it he says stuff like it's not fair to him if I get pleasure and he doesn't. I can see that but I would have no hesitation pleasuring him if the tables were turned. I so miss the intimacy and tenderness and bonding more so than the actual act of sex but trust me I have thought of some side action but that's not right either

Counseling might help. There's no guarantees. He should at least want you to be pleased. I hope something works in your favor and soon. I truly admire your patience and strength.

Hello im new to this site..and you are struggling almost the same thing as me..i have been married for 5 years now..but haven't waited that long.my husband had a heart attack a year ago and from that he has been on meds which make him have a low libido..so i feel your pain in wanting to be needed..and having to pleasure yourself at night..now that isn't what I signed up for when we got married..however the medical problems that our men have gone through I feel that they are just using it as an excuse..or maybe not..i dunno..I would like to know..and from reading on I do believe we need to communicate with our men..or even each other..help each other out through the rough times...please im here for you..hope you will do the same..

Shanbanan you're a saint. I know I couldn't go seven years. for me its been 5 months and I have reached the breaking point. My dry spell was brought on by my fiance's sever depression over losing his mother earlier this year. He's affectionate with me but between our opposite schedules (i work days, he works nights) all the hassle with settling her legal affairs and just the exhaustion from being so sad all the time, our intimacy has dwindled to almost nothing. he finally agreed to go to counseling so we can figure this out but if your man is not willing to do what he can to make you happy, you may want to consider moving on. You deserve to be happy and as your husband, it should give him pleasure to be able to please you. I hear Ashley Madison calling for you. Just sayin'