Hmmm, I mean I have had sex with people that I really didn't have genuine feelings for and I've also had guy friends who I was really close with but never had sex with....but I've also had sex with people I've loved so I dunno. Goodluck with that though!

sex should be an expression of love...maybe you learned at an early age that they were two seperate things...

last time i had sex with someone i loved he destroyed my life.... sooooooo
no thank you
I've been 5 years without i can go a little longer

Sounds like you have not met the right girl yet...

So what is the problem?

Chelsea24: You would be correct--I haven't met a girl I really gelled well with yet. Perhaps it's just a matter of spending more time with women in general, going through the B.S. and small-talk of dating and trying to find some common ground in conversations...my point is--I would LIKE to combine sex and love in my own mind and in another human being. But it sounds like, from what you guys are telling me, that both are fickle and subject to change, aren't they?

mominator: Did this person you loved and had sex with love YOU? If "no", unrequited love seems to be rampant.

I was married to him...2 years with the perfect love of my life who was everything i could have asked for. i said i do and had 3 years of total controll no family no friends only him sleep deprivation and doing what i was told. my crime you ask???
I found out he was a closet bisexual. even thought we were married i was willing to accept him but he couldn't accept it.... raised catholic

It's been 5 years and i'm still terrified of letting anyone that close again. joking arround on here and giving advice is one thing but to get out there again and go for it???!!!....
i'm not sure

I can see your point. My perspective is very similar to yours. Its either just sex or you care for the person with whom you do not want sex. It is possible however, and at some point the right person will hit you on the head... be patient. Until then, why not have fun.

I'm no expert nor am I a clinician but I'd be seeing someone to discover why I could not combine the two intimacies...just as if I were a person whom couldn't seperate the two. Likely you haven't met 'the' woman for you but you are a man of some expereince I gather...possibly you are just a bachelor and marriage isn't for you...specifically marrying the two intimacies.

Mominator, I'm in the same boat - my ex seemed to have a sudden personality change soon after we were married, I'm still figuring out how to trust someone again!

Koolman, I'm wondering if part of the problem with your female friends is that they start to fall into the "too much like a sister" category? I know I get that way with a lot of my male friends. I also know that certain friends should definitely stay as just friends - they'd drive me up the wall (in a not fun way) if I tried to make anything more of it :) But I am starting to think that being 'just' friends with someone before it develops any further might not be such a bad thing.

Koolman, I used to when I was younger and single. Now I am married to my best friend in the whole world, who I cannot imagine going a day without. Anyway, back then, yah I had sex with people who I had no other contact/relationship with. And I had a few female friends that I never even considering going down that road with. I actually dated a girl for about 8 months where the only thing we had in common was sex. That was the whole basis of our relationship. It was everday, sometimes 5 or more times a day..then she cheated on me with her ex's brother, and got pregnant by him. They are now married, good for them. And so am I...which is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Phoenix--sorry to hear about your ex's sudden personality change soon after you got married ("Ah hah! I've got you now! Now we're stuck! Now I can take the gloves off and let you have it!"). This is why I DO NOT want to marry anyone at this point. Just live together forever.

Regarding the "sister" thing, yeah, there's certainly a lot less anxiety when people are "just friends"; there are no false pretenses. Yet I want sex too! I guess it's merely a matter of hanging out with girls and simply expressing these things (in a laughing way, of course, so as not to scare them off). If they respond favorably, I'll pursue the lust with the friendship, although lust always changes the nature of the friendship. Suddenly when you're eyeballing each other's body parts, the friendship takes on a whole new dimension, and that dimension may not be a good thing! Again, it's the whole honesty thing. I know I don't have a pretty face like Brad Pitt (although I've got a body like Tom Cruise) and I can take it if a girl finds me physically unattractive; and I have to tell some girls too that I'm not attracted to them. It hurts, but nowhere near as bad as letting the false pretenses linger. And, even when two people ARE attracted to each other, it's like, "is this right? Is it right to be having sex when we don't care about each other? What if you get pregnant? I'm not going to marry you if I don't love you, yet I'll be stuck raising a kid with you for the next 20+ years, so we might as well be married." God, this is all so complex!

maia: Seeing "someone". I take it you mean a therapist-? Well, I'm open to that possibility. I tried to combine the two intimacies with my last girlfriend, and SHE didn't want to, so obviously there were some things about herself that she did not want to disclose. Instead, we were "fuck-buddies" who got along very well on that level, but I found myself wanting to get closer and SHE didn't want to...