
Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.

koolman
I've yet to combine the two into one significant other...or perhaps I've yet to be able to combine the two IN MY OWN MIND. I've cared about girls who I had no desire to have sex with (we were more like brother and sister) and I've lusted after girls with no interest of hanging out with them outside the bedroom. Does anyone else have this problem?
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Koolman, I'm wondering if part of the problem with your female friends is that they start to fall into the "too much like a sister" category? I know I get that way with a lot of my male friends. I also know that certain friends should definitely stay as just friends - they'd drive me up the wall (in a not fun way) if I tried to make anything more of it :) But I am starting to think that being 'just' friends with someone before it develops any further might not be such a bad thing.
Regarding the "sister" thing, yeah, there's certainly a lot less anxiety when people are "just friends"; there are no false pretenses. Yet I want sex too! I guess it's merely a matter of hanging out with girls and simply expressing these things (in a laughing way, of course, so as not to scare them off). If they respond favorably, I'll pursue the lust with the friendship, although lust always changes the nature of the friendship. Suddenly when you're eyeballing each other's body parts, the friendship takes on a whole new dimension, and that dimension may not be a good thing! Again, it's the whole honesty thing. I know I don't have a pretty face like Brad Pitt (although I've got a body like Tom Cruise) and I can take it if a girl finds me physically unattractive; and I have to tell some girls too that I'm not attracted to them. It hurts, but nowhere near as bad as letting the false pretenses linger. And, even when two people ARE attracted to each other, it's like, "is this right? Is it right to be having sex when we don't care about each other? What if you get pregnant? I'm not going to marry you if I don't love you, yet I'll be stuck raising a kid with you for the next 20+ years, so we might as well be married." God, this is all so complex!