What's his side of the story? Doesn't he have NEEDS too?

i really don't know what his side of the story is...i assume he does have needs but he sure as heck doesn't discuss them with me...

a while back i thought he might be having those issues that come with age, and getting heavier...but he claims that's not it...

and when i ask him about it...he basically just shuts down completely...

i've even suggested counseling which i'm normally against...but he didn't want to go that route either...

i really don't know...i guess he just doesn't like me anymore...

i guess our relationship has run it's course...and he just doesn't know how to end it...i already told him i wouldn't so he's just punishing me...

oh well...

You two really need to talk. It sounds like he is avoiding something- sort of taking the path of the least resistance.

Depressed, sounds to me like he is depressed, maybe feels like he can't do anything right in your eyes.

You have said that you would not end the relationship, that maybe like saying that you are making him responsible for fixing it because you are the good guy who always wants the best for him so he maybe sees it that he is the one failing compounding his depression.

He is not puunishing you that is the only thing I think for sure in this (why would anybody want make somebody they love suffer) I imagine he feels trapped because he believes you don't want to end it but at the same idea has no idea how to fix it.

PS: I am sorry you are not getting your sexual needs met, that does suck and it is understandable you are sad about this.

i have been in a relationship like that before. in my case, he was an acholic (spell check). he was always too buzzed and tired by the time we had a chance to do it.
he would have sex with himself but that was like at 4am when he would wake up to start the day with a drink.
he really is bad off, to this day....

he and i were having sex once a month if i was lucky. we really cared for one another but he had no motovation to have sex. he made excuses like "i dont need to have sex to express my love for you" or "intimicay is more to me than just screwing you"
outside of his drinking problem, he suffered major depression.
mostly because of the drinking, im sure

did i mention he was hung like a horse?
it's a shame he could never get it up

sorry, back to you...
maybe depression is your man's issue (???).

i've considered that also...and i think it is one of the problems...depression coupled along with the fact that he's an addict trying to stay sober...

i KNOW we need to talk but he just doesn't want to ...tried talking last night and when it started getting to personal to him...he crawled into bed and went straight to sleep...

left me alone to cry myself to sleep...like i do all the time....

oh, now i have a better picture....

i know EXACTALLY what you are going through.
there were some nights i cried myself to sleep also.

we broke it off; lack of sex was not our only problem.

this will take time to heal but if you two are strong, you will get throug it.

hi Depressed, I'm in exactly the same sit. right down to...in 2009 we only had sex twice... and this year we've only had sex 1...
I know what your going through, PM me if you need to talk.

thanks bcas....

it's nice to know that i am not alone...cause i sure feel like i am sometimes...

Depressed Recluse

Why are you two together?

Mercedes,

Maybe they should not be together but I understand why they are.

Because they still have feelings for each other and neither wants to be responsible for pulling the plug.

For some people it can be incredibly hard to face the feelings of being the person responsible for ending something that has lasted for years.

I should know because I did exactly this and it hurts like hell but better to end something than growing to hate each other more each day.

">better to end something than growing to hate each other more each day." I totally agree with what you said here :) Get out before it's too late and that happens.

honestly...on my side...we're together because when I picture my life without him, i don't like it...I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him...because what happens to him, matters to me....I want to be happy and I want him to be happy....i guess maybe that doesn't make sense...

I think it makes perfect sense depressed as long as you do not end up matching all that love with resentment.