Honestly the anxiety you are feeling can go both ways. It can in your situation stop you from orgasm or in another person situation it could cause pre-mature orgasm or ejaculation. As far as what to do about your situation I would say seek therapy to deal with your past issues and speak to a Dr. about your anxiety. I don't mean you have to come out and tell the Dr. its sexual either as anxiety is anxiety and is usually treated with medication.

Best of luck.

Thank you. That is another issue is that I am on many types of anxiety medications already and that's possible that is some of the problem; however, the issues tend to go back further than beginning the medications that I am currently on. I can please male or female partners by tending to their pleasure/needs but serious anxiety about relaxing enough to let myself climax. It doesn't feel like a physical issue... it appears emotional from years of abuse, PTSD issues recently surfacing and other racing thoughts. Most men I know only think of themselves and I feel that I am the complete opposite always mindful to my partner's pleasure. I had thought about a little blue pill but the problem is not so much the erection as the climax. I am in therapy for a lot of the past issues but does not seem to help much. I have put closure to that years ago. I just don't know if subconsciously I am still trying to punish myself. Thanks so much for the feedback... much appreciated!!!

I am going to be honest with you! I have been in the same boat as you for years do to sexual abuse as a child. I am not into men at all and honestly find male to male repulsive to the extreme, but I also do not judge others likes or dislikes. I have always been one to try to please my female partner though and her pleasure and satisfaction is my primary goal. I don't have problems with having a orgasm as much as I use to with having them too fast. PE was something that haunted me for years, until I met the right woman that helped me a lot to undo the mental damage that was done to me. I have also been in therapy for years to work on MANY issues from childhood abuse both sexually and physically. Bullying and losing my Brother and both parents in a year and 1/2 and then there was my marriage to a very abusive woman. I also have PTSD and take medication for depression. I have taken almost every med on the market and most of them have sexual side effects. I currently take Effexor which caused ED, but I was on Lexapro and Paxil before that and both cause delayed ejaculation. I though it was great that way though after deal with pre-mature ejaculation most of my younger life. I was lasting anywhere from 30 minutes to over an hour and 1/2. I have had many of the same feeling you have and punished myself for a very long time also.

Talk to your therapist honestly and openly and if you don't feel like you can then find a new therapist. You may also talk with a sex therapist too. Anxiety meds can cause all sorts of problems also so maybe visit with your Dr. about them, but I feel its more mental then medication if you don't have a problem with self stimulation.
Best of luck.

Stop cheating.

I think the fact that you are bi is in and of itself CREATING this anxiety. Your soul is split in two, being tugged in two different directions. It seems to me if you prioritized one sex you like best, that would calm you down a bit. Also, how long do you know these men on a friendship level before being intimate with them? I think if you got to know them on a friendship level a little longer and more deeply, that too would calm you down. It's not just lust, flesh, it's a meshing of souls.

Also, if you're not attracted to your female wife, do the honorable thing, man, and divorce her so she can find someone who is. Living this life of dishonesty is another source of anxiety.