Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
I hope this is the right place to put this here but I’m deeply terrified of bdsm. There are a lot of reasons why but I want to make sure firstif this is the right place to say it. Thank you
Here is a place to open up conversations to share and learn. Hugs.
The most important rule for bondage/BDSM is 'TRUST'! Without trust it will not work and can be terrifying.
There’s a huge story on why I’m deathly afraid of it and have very unpopular opinions on it which I’m not going to say because I don’t want to start drama.
I’m not a fan of it at all obviously, I thought I was and used to call myself a dominatrix but when really I called myself one because I was scared of being dominated.
It’s even made me feel paranoid, and scared of men because male domaince over females sexually is like a nightmare that has come true! (I’m not trying to insult anyone I’m just terrified of it)
What sucks is that I see it everywhere and the internet saying the whole “daddy” thing even as a joke, I just get very uncomfortable. I know deep inside the sexual acts are pretend but it just feels so real that most of the time I think it is real! It’s like trust like most people say isn’t even a thing! (Again not trying to insult anyone)
I’ve even seen dominant men saying very genuine sexist stuff in the sexual acts. (Of course not all men are like that)
There’s more to the story because it’s a huge story as I said before.
Concerning is your fear of male domination over females during sex. Most women are submissive when it comes to sex and the male takes the lead. Referring to normal sex and not the stuff seen in porn videos with the face slapping, spitting on, gagging and other crap which is degrading women.
Also what kinda makes me feel a bit more safe is that my sister studies psychology and she told me that the majority of men prefer to be submissive because of the power they are pushed into. In my mind for some reason, females dominating men sexually doesn’t actually look like the male is being dominated just for pleasure and with the genders vice versusa, it looks like the female is actually being dominated.
For some odd reason my mind believes if someone is submissive in bed, they have to be submissive out of bed. I know it’s thats not true but at the same time it looks like it is.
Whenever I get scared I look at female dominantion because it just makes me feel safe and I feel sexist because of that.
Again, huge story which if your all curious, I’ll try to explain the whole story.
With men I believe sometimes they just want to let go and let the woman take control. My thought it would have to do with stress of performance and not knowing would the woman likes and dislikes. Sometimes I wish my wife would take control but I have to accept the fact she is submissive during sex. She enjoys being dominated by me in bed.
I understand that. And regardless on the activities we have engaged in, I have never even contemplated the BDSM aspects of our sex life or our relationship.
I am merely responding to the OP as it is my understanding of her post is that she perceives the mutual give and take, yielding and flowing, active vs passive behavior implicit in love making to be a struggle for dominance and as such, a source of fear.
When I suggest a favorite restaurant when we are going out for dinner, am I being dominant? If I agree to my partners choice of dining place, am I submissive? Or is that all just a part of compromise that is necessary for a healthy relationship?
BDSM today is mainstream especially the daddy thing, I just want it all to go away. I feel like I’m the only one even if the minority aren’t into that stuff. I don’t care if I sound selfish, I’m suffering.
Now I appreciate you all trying to helping but saying it’s just normal or trying to make it seem ok unfortunately won’t work out. Maybe there’s a better way of helping me with this? Also apologies if I sound rude I’m trying not to be I have communication problems and I try my best to be polite.
Also if you're watching porn stop.
Nothing wrong with your opinions. But you will have to adjust to fit into this world like we all had to do, It's not perfect. BDSM has been around for over thousand of years and probably for another thousand.
Life is short, enjoy it will you can.
Maybe provide advice on making it look like it doesn’t exist? Trying to normalize for me is going to make things worse and will not convince me.
Even though it is my choice, it just feels like I’m being pressured by the world that I have to do it or I’m a failure. Which is a me problem and I’ve even had nightmares in it.