First, I am so sorry to hear that you had to have such a horrible experience. Please do not feel embarrassed. Most of people on HS are very caring and insightful individuals. I think what you are experiencing is a fear of penetration, and possibly post traumatic stress syndrome. You may think that you are over the attack- but I don't know if that is something you mentally ever get over 100%. I know because I was sexually abused when I was younger. You do get through it and you can learn to cope, and forgive, and move on...but you will probably never 100% be over it. I applaud you that you are not allowing it to take over you life.

That being said, did you receive any therapy after the attack/rape? If you didn't I would highly encourage it. Also I feel that you may need the help of a trained sexual therapist. I know this may sound scary, but I do know from things I have read or have seen on sex therapists, is that they can be extremely helpful in helping people work through their sexual issues. Some times we need help professionally with our issues. There is no shame in that. Some things we just can not fix on our own.

Also- have you joined the Female Sexual Issues group on DS...they may be of more help.

About tonight...do not put any expectations on it. Let whatever happens happen. Do not beat yourself up mentally if you are unable to have penetration. You are dealing with a very complex issue, and would again encourage you to seek professional help. You are worth it!

Hope this helps you in some way- you have the right to be happy and have a fulfilling life in all ways!

I agree with everything Bluesky said. Don't be embarrassed, many people here have experience sexual abuse/rape. If you haven't sought therapy, I also strongly suggest you seek therapy with someone who specializes in sexual abuse/rape or at least has a lot of experience with clients who have been through it.

My first wife was very much the same way, we married at a young age and she had experienced abuse from a stepfather. One thing I thought of is for you to be in control of the situation, rather than your partner attempting entry, maybe if you were to control the entry through a different position, the situation and the tensing up might lessen.
Some very wise ladies on this board, some who have endured and overcome similar scenarios, their advise and council will serve you well.

I don't have any information to help you, as I've never experienced this, but from reading what the others have said, I would think that perhaps therapy could help resolve this issue.

And I really just wanted to say how sorry I am that you went through such an awful experience.

i agree with tossed.

as someone who has lived through the same thing, you need to be in control of the situation. you need to get on top or get in "doggie-style" and either lower yourself or back yourself into him at your pace so that you feel more comfortable with it.

Hey thanks for the advice I have taken help on a few occasions they also came with the conclusion that I have gotten mostly over it. I don't think me taking control will work either. I just tense up too much making it painful and for him not to be able to enter. One day this will be successful I hope.

I'm sorry that you had to go through such a horrible experience. I don't know if taking control would be a good thing or a bad thing for you to try, but you should keep on trying.
Gaining full trust in your boyfriend is a positive step. Being open with him may help the situation too.
Going slowly may also help. Maybe not having full penetration in one night will help you to relax. Sort of like practicing and little by little, day after day maybe your body will relax enough to have the full experience.

I would first say that i am so sorry you had to go through what you did.

I can tell you my thoughts and how common it really is to have the issue you do. See for those of us that have experianced a sexual trauma of that magnitude it is hard to get the body and mind to work well together again.

From experiance and talking with others that have been through this I have learned that we as people go one of two ways after experiancing rape/molestation. We either become hyper sexual or frigid . Either way neither one is healthy. One instance is the body is willing and ready and the mind is not and the other is when the body revolts at the though even when your mind is ready.

Frigidity can also include PE and ED as issues for men. It took me a very long time to come to terms with what happened. you should never be embarrased to talk to us as like Leather said there are many people here that have experianced something like you or they are very understanding people and will at least offer support!

Hugs and if you ever need to chat about it I am here for you.

I am sorry to hear that you had to experience this. I too have been having a very difficult time with the entry. I have found that being in control makes it worse for me. I still have not found the solution to this. I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone.
hugs

My wife is a multiple rape victim. She was raped 3 different times. Once by her first boyfriend when she was 17. This was her first time with sex. She dumped him after that attack. The second time was by another boy friend when she was 20. The third time was by a co-worker, who gave her a ride home. She was 23 at that time. I met her when she was 24. She had a terrible attitude towards men. She things all men are perverts and we have had some real issues in our marriage because of her dislike of sex. She would not seek professional help or counseling of any kind. She says that Psychiatrists and pschologists are perverts too and get their jollies listening to every one else's problems. I have been very, very patient but, it has been a very strenuous area in our marriage.

Sidecar, you must be a very patient and loving man :-)

MsViv,

I am. It hurts to know that she does not care about sex. Everything seems mechanical or like a chore. Sex, to her is in the same category as laundry, vacumming and cooking. She sees it as just a requirement of marriage. We have not been intimate but 3 or 4 times in 15 years. I also wish to state, I have never been unfaithful either.

I had OldBiker send this reply for me. My computer is broke.