Sex isn't just getting off. When your married sex becomes sacred and is valued more. The bond that develops is so beautiful.
5 years is a long time to go without it in a relationship. There's got to be a reason behind it.
Before getting a divorce, why don't you try dating again to rekindle that spark?

Even if that means separating and dating. It might help. I knew a married couple that it did wonders for.

He can't blame you, if you walk away. If he can't give you a a good reason, and won't work on the relationship, then you have ever reason to walk away.

Have you ever just told him point blank "I am unhappy that we no longer make love. Why?"

Some people withhold sex because they are angry and holding internal resentment. This is more commonly a woman's pattern, but many men are also passive-aggressive.

Sometimes men aren't having sex with their wives because they are having it somewhere else, or are into porn/masturbation.

I agree that you have a right to a divorce if he won't even talk about what's going on.

Shan i am so sorry its been this long for you. I wish I could say something to make it better. Its been awhile for me and I am not even married.

Thanks guys. I have asked him point blank. He says it's because he still has a hole in his penis after a year and a half after he had a growth removed. Yes it's still there, and yes he makes excuses not to see the surgeon or family doctor. Plus I'm not making enough effort to be happier so that maybe I would turn him on. He says it's painful to get an erection. I can believe it, but go to the fucking dr. Make an effort to correct the problem. Even before the surgery it had been 3.5 years of no sex because he wasn't interested. He won't go to counselling and even when I try to set the mood and be sexy and catering to him with back rubs etc nothing happens and I get nothing in return. Even when I'm in good spirits and really positive nothing changes. I feel like we've been separated as he was a long haul truck driver for over 4 years and was home once a month only for 2-3 days. It was like dating, and even then he just wanted to lay around when he was home.
I feel like I've tried it all to no avail.....I'm pretty much done. I just feel selfish sort of.

Does he have a medical condition such as diabetes or has he been tested for low testosterone? is he on antidepressants or other medications that take away the desire? Have you sought out your doctors help? Before you end a marriage try to give all other options a chance. I went years without sex because I lost all desire because of low T and anti-depressants. I am now on testosterone replacement therapy and my wife cant keep up. but even when I was at my worst I did make sure she was still "taken care of". Please try every option because you don't find love very often.

Depo, we have other issues in our marriage as well, this is a big issue among others.
Yes he's diabetic, don't think he's been tested for low T. Problem is he doesn't talk to the dr about this stuff. So he's in denial or just doesn't care enough. And he won't take take of my needs via oral or fingers or toys. He says it's not fair to him :(

Stay strong girl friend sorry for all of this. Hugs to you.

He needs to go to the doctor, or you need to move on. My ex barely had sex w/me, it ended the marriage.

well tell him - at this point you don't care if he wants sex or not, but you do and he should satisfy you. If the answer is still no, ask him if he thinks a divorce would be the best option.

Ya he basically said he won't satisfy me because he gets nothing out of it. So....guess the fact that he can satisfy me orally but won't makes him selfish. You would think pleasuring his wife would be satisfying to him just in a different way. I'm just at my wits end

Shan you need to do what is right for you honey you need to be happy

I know. I always seem to overlook things that prevent me from being happy. Thanks salty! I really need to do what's best for me. Ugh

I, personally, would give him a few options. Either he needs to start being more intimate with you (even if he gets "nothing out of it", which in my opinion, is the WRONG fucking answer if you're married lol), he needs to go to the doctor and get things fixed (which may take a little time, but will ultimately benefit both of you), or that you will step away and find someone who fulfills all of your needs, emotionally, sexually, etc.