Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
Okay so this use to be THE place when I started on DS a trillion years ago...and now I could use some really good advice..
There was a post a few days ago about FWB..and oddly at the same time I get a phone call from an X-FWB whom I fell in love with and needless to say he didn't love me back..SHOCKER.
Anyway I wrote this letter and haven't sent it yet...and well I want some people's thoughts on it and whether I should send it or not...
Dear You:
Ihave a lot to say to you but am not sure I could ever say it directly to your face. Remember the last letter I wrote you. I do. It was me begging and pleding with you, making my self look like a fool. I don't blame you for making myself look like a fool, I blame my self for that.
As a matter of fact I don't blame you for much, but I also can't forgive the things you did to me. But then again is that really your fault? We were adults, we made the decision as adults. We can't blame childhood or innocence on it. HAHA there was nothing innocent about any of it was it?
You say you still think about and it makes you happy and horny. You say that you like to jack off while thinking about all the things we used to do. I don't know whether to take offense or be flattered. Sure it is flattering to know that a former lover still thinks that fondly of you after 7 years. 7 years this month as a matter of fact. 7 years is a long time to still want something. The bigger question on my mind is WHY?
I mean come on now, it isn't like you have didn't move on rather quickly after it ended and wasn't getting any from other people. I was just a side note to begin with, something to use until something else better came along. I pretended to be okay with that, in hopes you would see that what I had to offer was something great and worth all your time, not just your convience. I guess I was wrong, right?
How did it become okay with me for you to treat me that way? Was I so starved for attention that I needed you? Did I truly feel like I wasn't worth better? I guess at that time I didn't. Glad I have learned my lesson, despite the fact I had to learn it the hard way. I know now I deserve better and you aren't it. It doesn't matter if you think he isn't good enough for me, he is the one that picked me up and put me back together the best he knew how. Something you didn't bother to do.
You had your chance at love. You had your chance at happiness and family. I would have done anything for you because I loved you. I wanted to be your wife and the mother to your children. I wanted you. Too bad you didn't want the whole me. You only wanted one part of me.
I am glad you can look back on those two years and remember it with fondness and want it back, it is flattering to know I am memorable, but I don't view it that way anymore. I look back on it and see things I don't like about my self. The beginning of horrible habits that I am still paying for today. That time didn't help me build self esteem, if anything it made it worse.
I can't go back and change the things I did, but I know that the future me can say NO. I won't allow you to have control of me anymore.
I hope you have a really good life and you find some happiness with her or whoever, but I will be a distant memory in the back of your mind and nothing more ever.
Sara.
I thinking i should send to get him to walk away from me....Any thoughts?
There was a post a few days ago about FWB..and oddly at the same time I get a phone call from an X-FWB whom I fell in love with and needless to say he didn't love me back..SHOCKER.
Anyway I wrote this letter and haven't sent it yet...and well I want some people's thoughts on it and whether I should send it or not...
Dear You:
Ihave a lot to say to you but am not sure I could ever say it directly to your face. Remember the last letter I wrote you. I do. It was me begging and pleding with you, making my self look like a fool. I don't blame you for making myself look like a fool, I blame my self for that.
As a matter of fact I don't blame you for much, but I also can't forgive the things you did to me. But then again is that really your fault? We were adults, we made the decision as adults. We can't blame childhood or innocence on it. HAHA there was nothing innocent about any of it was it?
You say you still think about and it makes you happy and horny. You say that you like to jack off while thinking about all the things we used to do. I don't know whether to take offense or be flattered. Sure it is flattering to know that a former lover still thinks that fondly of you after 7 years. 7 years this month as a matter of fact. 7 years is a long time to still want something. The bigger question on my mind is WHY?
I mean come on now, it isn't like you have didn't move on rather quickly after it ended and wasn't getting any from other people. I was just a side note to begin with, something to use until something else better came along. I pretended to be okay with that, in hopes you would see that what I had to offer was something great and worth all your time, not just your convience. I guess I was wrong, right?
How did it become okay with me for you to treat me that way? Was I so starved for attention that I needed you? Did I truly feel like I wasn't worth better? I guess at that time I didn't. Glad I have learned my lesson, despite the fact I had to learn it the hard way. I know now I deserve better and you aren't it. It doesn't matter if you think he isn't good enough for me, he is the one that picked me up and put me back together the best he knew how. Something you didn't bother to do.
You had your chance at love. You had your chance at happiness and family. I would have done anything for you because I loved you. I wanted to be your wife and the mother to your children. I wanted you. Too bad you didn't want the whole me. You only wanted one part of me.
I am glad you can look back on those two years and remember it with fondness and want it back, it is flattering to know I am memorable, but I don't view it that way anymore. I look back on it and see things I don't like about my self. The beginning of horrible habits that I am still paying for today. That time didn't help me build self esteem, if anything it made it worse.
I can't go back and change the things I did, but I know that the future me can say NO. I won't allow you to have control of me anymore.
I hope you have a really good life and you find some happiness with her or whoever, but I will be a distant memory in the back of your mind and nothing more ever.
Sara.
I thinking i should send to get him to walk away from me....Any thoughts?
Telling him he had his chance at happiness and family, and that you were something great and worth all his time, for him, you weren't what he wanted long-term and since he didn't love you in that way, it wouldn't have been worth his time or something great.
He used you for sex but used him for sex too. That's what a FWB is, using each other for sex and that was a choice you both made, what's there to forgive him for, he did nothing wrong.
The only thing I would do in your situation is if he calls again tell him you're not interested in him and you don't want any more contact with him.
My advice is, just tell him you can't be with him because the two of you don't want the same things. Don't blame him, don't take the blame, just make it clear that what he wants doesn't mesh with what you want.
If he contact you again just say no. Your are not what I am looking for and ask him to lose your number.
You guys were right, I didn't hold up my end of the baragin and I fell in love with him. I didn't value my self enough to realize I was better than that. For me with him it was love at first sight and I wanted him from the day I layed eyes on him, and he was still married at that time. Once he was divorced I thought this was my chance. I just went about it all the wrong way to get what I wanted.
He told me once that I was what he wanted in a women but I was easy to get and he liked a challenge. Needless to say that made me realize things about my self I didn't like.
Thanks for the advice and I am really glad I didn't do something stupid.
Affection, sex, praise, spending time with someone .... those are emotional needs.