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I am looking for some thoughts. Last Wednesday, my MIL invited my daughter to spend the night on Saturday (she was already watching my sister-in-laws girls and one of them asked if Clara could come too). I apologized and said no because Clara's school had a big carnival to raise money for field trips the school has throughout the year. She said, that's fine I can bring the girls to the carnival and we can take Clara with us afterwards. My daughter has an austism spectrum disorder called sensory processing disorder and has been having severe stress stomach problems (ruled everything else out with the Dr. and an ultrasound/blood tests) due to issues with a music class (we are in the process of changing her IEP to get adaptive music at least 3 days a week, music is 5 days a week). Since she has had so much stress, hubby and I decided not to have her spend the night at nana's. This did not go over well and my MIL replied that having a night to party would do her good and she will pick her up after the carnival (normally, yes, but not right now with all the stress...she needs to be at home where it is low key; the carnival will be a stretch with the crowds much less being gone over night). I explained that this is not a good time (my MIL is aware of her recent issues) and she will not spend the night, but maybe next time (we have let her go before, and it's unusual for me to say no to my MIL's request). So, the issue was dropped. Until, today. My MIL texted me "What time are you going tonight?". I thought this was odd as I'd told her dinner (at the carnival) was at 4pm, but I texted her back "4pm". She calls me and procedes to tell me she has a party to go to from 4-5pm, but would be there at 5:30pm. I said the carnival goes on through 8pm, so no problem but we were still going at 4pm because several of Clara's friends parents and I had dicussed what time we were all planning to go so the kids could see each other there. I hung up and realized my MIL probably expected us to stay until she was ready to leave the carnival. Normally, I would've been ok with that, but with our daughter being stressed out, hubby and I had agreed we'd stay for 1 1/2 hours only or leave sooner if she had a "meltdown". We were limiting the time to prevent the "meltdown". I called my husband and he said, I'll text mom. Considering the recent issues, she'll be ok with it. That's not exactly what happened...my MIL is pissed and my husband is stressed out. He understands his mom created this problem of showing up late when she knew we were going at 4pm, but with running a business with her it's extremely hard for him to cross her. Any ideas or suggestions? (Just a side note, we did not invite her or expect her to come because we live 30 minutes away in another town from where she and the rest of hubby's family lives as well as where the family business is located.)
As far as your child. You are the parents and you and you alone make decisions reagrding your daughters care. It is ridiculous that she feels you should accomodate her...when your daughter has special needs. You or your husband need to explain to her that Clara's needs come before anyones...even your own and as a good grandmother she needs to respect that.
Good luck :)
As long as you and your husband allow his mother to run your lives, she'll continue doing it. This has been an on going problem for a long time and until your husband steps up to the plate, sets boundaries with his mother and sticks to them, nothing will ever change. Your relationship with your husband and children is about you too, you have a say in it and if he can't stand up to her, maybe it's time you stand up to her. She's a controller but by allowing her to control, you and your husband are enabling her to continue with that behavior. No one can control your life unless they are given that control.
http://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Marshall-Rosenberg/dp/1892005034/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1327864463&sr=8-1
What can she do? Does she jump up and down, froth at the mouth and scream? lol If she is irked.. let her be irked.
Your main focus has to be your daughter. If she is stressed and needs to be home early that is just the way it is.. Your Mother in law could have skipped her party if she really wanted to, right?