Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I'm going to do my best to get all this out without sounding like a snob, but if it at all comes across that way, it's not intentional.
I've been seeing this guy about once a week for the past month or so. We pretty much only see each other on the weekends and he doesn't talk much during the week. I'm not used to seeing a guy that pretty much doesn't keep in touch till Friday. Didn't see him at all this weekend because he had to work. I really like him, but I'm kind of at the point of writing him off because I don't feel like there's much effort on his part and he's not always super responsive when I ask him if he wants to go do something. He has the time, he still goes and does things with his friends, just not with me. If the same level of interest isn't there for him, I think it's better that I not waste much more of my time.
On the other hand, I have a guy friend that I know is interested in me. We hooked up a couple years ago and he freaked and completely blew me off. After my last relationship ended, he apologized and said he wasn't ready when all that happened because he was scared of a relationship turning out like HIS last one. (Really bad breakup after they had been together for years.) He's kissed me a couple of times and seems to keep "showing me off" when we're all out. The problem is that although I definitely had a crush on him a couple years ago, I've matured a bit and I'm not sure he'd be good for me. He doesn't work right now because he lost his license due to drunk driving, he can be really irresponsible, and while he can be a good guy, he just doesn't have his life together. Hes not really the type you bring home to the parents. I can't even tell if I have any feelings for him at all right now or if I'm just enjoying the attention because I'm not getting enough from the guy I DO like. He's always been one of my good friends, we've known each other since elementary school, and I don't want to get in too deep and wind up losing him as a friend.
I've been seeing this guy about once a week for the past month or so. We pretty much only see each other on the weekends and he doesn't talk much during the week. I'm not used to seeing a guy that pretty much doesn't keep in touch till Friday. Didn't see him at all this weekend because he had to work. I really like him, but I'm kind of at the point of writing him off because I don't feel like there's much effort on his part and he's not always super responsive when I ask him if he wants to go do something. He has the time, he still goes and does things with his friends, just not with me. If the same level of interest isn't there for him, I think it's better that I not waste much more of my time.
On the other hand, I have a guy friend that I know is interested in me. We hooked up a couple years ago and he freaked and completely blew me off. After my last relationship ended, he apologized and said he wasn't ready when all that happened because he was scared of a relationship turning out like HIS last one. (Really bad breakup after they had been together for years.) He's kissed me a couple of times and seems to keep "showing me off" when we're all out. The problem is that although I definitely had a crush on him a couple years ago, I've matured a bit and I'm not sure he'd be good for me. He doesn't work right now because he lost his license due to drunk driving, he can be really irresponsible, and while he can be a good guy, he just doesn't have his life together. Hes not really the type you bring home to the parents. I can't even tell if I have any feelings for him at all right now or if I'm just enjoying the attention because I'm not getting enough from the guy I DO like. He's always been one of my good friends, we've known each other since elementary school, and I don't want to get in too deep and wind up losing him as a friend.
If it were me, I wouldn't date either one. But I'm not you.
The first guy I mentioned is flaky. For awhile there, I chalked it up to the fact that we weren't friends before we started seeing each other and that things were going to move slow and I was okay with that. At this point though, I feel like there should be more communication and time spent together. He only recently moved back to this area a few months ago and I figure he's trying to get settled in and doesn't want to start a relationship right away. That's fine, but I'm not looking to "just have fun" so we aren't looking for the same things. When we are together, he treats me like I'm his girlfriend and introduces me to his friends and even some of his family members, but to barely speak and only see each other once a week (if that) when we live 4 miles apart is a little nonsensical to me.
From the things you ve said before it seems that you are still immature as a woman in many ways and while discouraging you from seeking a husband is sensless, it does make sense to help you see that you are not ready at all.
One major problem I see is that you seem to let the guys pick you instead of you picking the guys. If you are looking for a potential husband, these guys do not even stand close.
I suggest that you try dating some veterans. These men have their shit together but the problems they do have are real and devastating and you have to be strong and wise yourself.
You also may want to think about what are the qualities you need to see in a man who will make a good husband and provider and how to assess if the man has these qualities.
Talk to other grown women about what it is like to have a husband. You will learn a lot.
Do not settle for anything less. YOU pick the men, dont wait for them to come along.
Knowing exactly what you want and NOT settling for 2nd best is key. The very fact you are here inquiring tells me you aren't sure of either one.
I once dated a guy who wanted a "weekend girlfriend." And I realized that was all it'd ever be so I broke it off. I also dated a mess (he was addicted to crack cocaine but I didn't know that at first). I then thought maybe I could fix him (WHAT was I thinking?). When I realized I couldn't, I broke it off and boy was that shit painful. I could've saved myself a lot of heartache had I paid attention to the red flags popping up everywhere. Unfortunately, two years ago, he killed himself. That shit hurt all over again but for different reasons.
Once I got smart and figured out what I wanted and proceeded with dating knowing that, it all became easier. No car? Nope. No job? Hell no. Living in mommy's basement? Not a chance in hell. No attraction? Not gonna happen. Had I not done what was best for myself and kids, who knows where I would be right now or what loser would be messing with my heart.
I guess my point in all this rambling is...you can save yourself a lot of grief if you know what you want in a mate and father and don't settle for anything less...not ever.
I think you know what is best. Being alone is a hell of a lot better than being in a shitty relationship. Find the man you deserve for yourself and future family. I promise YOU WILL KNOW when he comes along.
I highly recommend the book "How to Avoid Falling in Love with Jerks and Jerketts" and see if your community offers the class. As I'm entering the dating field once again, I am reading this book faithfully and taking my time in getting to know the man I'm dating. Of course I'm getting to be dinosaur age so I've got all the time in the world to explore this next chapter of my life. Good luck and keep your eyes opened!!