Healthy Relationships Support Group
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My DH is 58 and he has pictures of a nude young woman on his phone, he also has a video on his lap top which he has saved of two young women masturbating a man. I suppose i am hurt because he never comes near me. the only thing that gets turned on in our bedroom is the tv !
He also stares at young women when we are out which i find hurtfull and degrading.
He is not interested in anything about me and takes me totally for granted. He doesnt look at me when i am talking, i feel like i am boring. He does not have a clue who my friends are or what i do, he isnt interested. Even when i go to the dr or take tablets he never asks me how i got on or what they are for. I feel that i get nothing from this relationship.
He gets his tea handed to him every night, his house and laundry are clean and his dog is walked and fed. He has to do nothing. I even do the decorating or pay someone to do it.
I work full time and contribute to our expenses and take us on holiday every year. I am careful with my money but have bought him cars and i have no debt, unlike him who buys himself expensive cameras, gadgets etc and has credit cards maxed out and an over draft which he cannot pay off. I am sick of helping him out.
This is not a new thing with the pictures etc but i suppose after all this time i am disappointed that he still feels the need. As the women are so young i feel that he is a dirty old man and it makes me feel sick. His daughter is older than the girls in these photos !
I am depressed and things have been very tough recently for me but i just feel like giving up on this relationship. He knows how i feel about this so there is no point bringing it up again.
what do you think ?
If he's looking at porn of young women, I too would be disgusted. To be honest, I can't find any good reason for you to want to stay. He is not living in the present, and he does not care or respect you in the least. I wouldn't be surprised if he's up to other things that you aren't aware of. Sometimes people do things, like show you porn of young girls, just to keep you away from digging in another part of the garden, if you know what I mean. I'll bet my knickers he's up to more than just those pix on his phone.
It's a tough place to be, and I can't see it getting any better, but I can see it getting worse. If you were to separate, in three years from now, for your amazing 60th, you'll be free as a kite and without a worry about him. Life was never meant to be a struggle, it's what you make it.
Wishing you well.
I am 56 and after 15 year marriage (10 of which feeling unhappy, unloved and undeserving due to the actions....or rather lack of from my "husband") have asked for a divorce. Hubby was a bit more communicative and did try to be helpful (just as you are noticing) but I too felt too little too late.
YOU are not responsible for his happiness. It is not your job to give all to another and get nothing back. He is quite content because he has everything he needs ( and sadly does not seem to give a damn of how his behavior affects you. )You deserve to be treated with the same care , compassion and respect that you do show another.
I wish you well.