Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Don't know what to do. I've been through one divorce already, really don't want to end up with another, but I found messages that my husband has sent to his ex saying he misses her, and some with insinuated sexual innuendo. He says I'm taking them out of context, but I don't know what to believe. Am I that naive, or just stupid. My first marriage was nothing but my husband having multiple affairs, you'd think I've learned my lesson and would know the signs. Am I so desperate, that I could dismiss this as nothing. I feel so confused, my chest so heavy with hurt. What's next? So difficult to think positive, feel like my life is ending all over again. Too much to handle. Crying and screaming not helping.
When you get your composure back, demand that you two start counseling asap.
What he did was inappropriate but it doesnt mean he is having an affair. He is definitely being defensive and is putting blame on you.
Hope things get better !
IF you want to save the marriage I also advise some counseling.
I know how you feel about feeling like you're naive or stupid. I overlooked a lot of glaringly obvious problems in my last relationship because I really, really wanted things to work. In the long run, I am ecstatic that it didn't work out because it took being out of it to realize how unhappy I was. Not to say my circumstances are the same as yours, but fear of "failure" (which is not what it is) is no reason to ignore your instincts and maybe miss out on a better, happier life.
Sometimes a good way to get the point across, Ive found, is to ask them how they would feel in the exact same situation. Ask how he would feel if he had discovered you had sent identical messages to your ex. That has a way of putting things into perspective REAL quick.